Conflict

How do you deal with it?

 

Being an extremely non-confrontational person, I don't know how.  To avoid any form of conflict, I am willing to bite my tongue till it falls off, do anything and everything I hate doing, and put myself through any form of mental, emotional or physical pain.  Even with all that, however, sometimes conflict is unavoidable. 

 

For example, I came home tonight at 10pm after my classes ended (yes, classes on Sunday.  Ridiculous.)  I wanted to have a bite to eat, finish up the loose ends of work from the weekend, and go to sleep.  I also had to be up at 5:30 Monday morning.  Every Monday morning.  My roommate is aware of this, however, he has decided to have company.  Noisy, inconsiderate company.  I made it obvious when I was going to bed.  Two hours later at 1am, they're still unnecessarily loud.  I finally went to the living room, told them I had to be up in five hours, PLEASE quiet down.  I heard silence, giggles, more silence, more giggles, and finally they left.  First of all, I know my roommate will look to me as being the bad guy when we get to class tomorrow morning, and I don't think I was at all unreasonable.  Second of all, it's driving me crazy that I'm sure the "silence" was making fun of me, and the giggles were a by-product.  I'm so riled now that sleep is certainly no longer coming.  And I'm paranoid about dealing with him tomorrow, and seeing the people who were here tonight at class tomorrow.  I know they'll be decent to my face, but who knows what they're saying to each other when I am out of earshot.  If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have been understanding to their needs.  Why can't they respect mine?  Why do I have to be the bad guy, and then feel embarrassed to be in public afterwards?

 

Am I severely over-reacting?  Am I the one being juvenile, or is it the issue that is extremely juvenile?  I don't know.  I try to pick my battles, so maybe this just pushed me over the edge again?  I don't know.  I feel like my friends aren't truly my friends, and then when stupid things like this happen, I make myself the enemy, or the scapegoat for a few good jokes.  It makes me feel like I'm in Junior High School with these people.  Yet, I seek their approval.  Why?  GAH!  I can't handle being judged.  I think that's what it boils down to.  Especially from my "friends."

 

This was just a venting because there's nowhere else to vent right now.  I'm sorry if you read it.

You're NOT the only one who's afraid of conflict. I am the same way. If something is bothering me about someone or what someone is doing or saying, I will keep it bottled up because the last thing I want to do is inconvenience another person or hurt their feelings in any way. Nor do I want to be thought of as someone who is bossy or pushy. I never think about my needs first. I'm always way to concerned about other people's feelings or what they might think of me.

Something you should realize, though, is that there ARE people out there who are just plain inconsiderate or rude, and it sounds like your roommate was one of those people in that situation, Charlotte. I don't think you did anything wrong in asking them to quiet down. I mean, it was a Sunday night, for goodness sakes... most people have to be up early to work or go to school on Monday morning!

When I was in school, though, and living in a dorm, I invested in a good pair of earplugs. It saved me from having to go ask people to quiet down all the time and have them think I was a loser or something.