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if I start crying Im afraid I'll never stop

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Posted 7/17/2011 8:15 AM (GMT 0)
one of the major triggers for anxiety is having things be out of your control. I have suffered from severe depression for over 35 years.  My circumstanes are so complicated that I am having alot of trouble expressing myself. I took a chance, the biggest risk of my life in order to find love and hope for a future of happiness and a somewhat "normal" existance. I have no friends, my family either doesnt speak to me or they are cruel, i have no support except my 18 year old daughter who has been given a raw deal her whole life. I am in bankruptcy and about to lose my house and possibly everything I own. All I ever wanted was love and acceptance, and I put myself out there and trusted a man who i have come to love so much! It is told to me that I have been scammed...i dont want to believe it. Sometimes we know things that are just too painful to know so we deny, deny, deny! I am still choosing to believe in my love as he knows i am broke and have nothing left yet he hasnt left me. His dad passed away on the 12th and i havent heard from him since the 14th...he works in s. africa and his father was in London. I am scared, afraid if I start crying I will never stop. If things dont work out I dont know if I can survive. I have had to start over too many times in my life and Im tired! It was so hard to learn to trust and now that I have Im afriad my heart will be completely shattered!

 

 

Post Edited (Ashbird) : 7/17/2011 2:19:32 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/17/2011 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ashbird,

What makes you think you have been scammed? Is it someting somebody told you? Who scammed you? Don't feel like a fool. It happens. We trust people and they turn on us. I can understand why you would be denying the whole thing, it must be very painful to deal with.

We start over and over again. But we keep trying. Don't give up on life. Things will get better. You have us now and that will help you.

Keep posting. Where are you from?

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/17/2011 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
I live in San Antonio Texas, moved here from Ohio in 2002 to live with my now ex roomate/friend who I met in the chat room on this very site. I re-joined healing well again in 2008.

I am not ready to talk about my boyfriend or our situation just yet, but I am not doing well right now and have been desperate to find someone to talk to or to just care. I know my depression is very bad because I spend 90% of my day in bed, binge eat, and think about suicide everyday. I do manage to do a little cleaning and I did manage to mow my lawn the other day. But whatever I do, my efforts to distract myself from what is happening are short lived.

Posted 7/17/2011 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. When ever you are ready to talk, we are here to listen. Send me an email if you feel the need. I don't know if I can help you or not, but you will have somebodry to listen.

I am glad that you met somebody here and had some time together. That is so cool. I hope that your time together was well spent.

I lay in bed when I am depressed too and eat for comfort. It happens. I hope that you can get out of this soon. Try a short walk or put on some nice music and do some stretches. That relaxes you. I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
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