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Posted 9/9/2011 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
Can any of you please help?

I just lost my wife and have suddenly become more depressed than I could ever think of. I've seen a doctor and I have got an appointment for a psychiatrist, but not for weeks. She disappeared for a couple of weeks and then they found her.

Right now I can't think of anything but her and expect her to just walk in the door any time. Can't sleep, can't eat, going crazy. Crying all the time and I never cry. NHever thought I could so sad and how bad it hurts. What do I do? Is there anybody to talk to here? Please help. Feel like I'm dying.

Posted 9/9/2011 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how painful it must be to be going through this.

Do you have any family or friends you could talk to?

You could try calling the psychiatrist's office in the morning and tell them how urgent your situation is and see if they can get you in any sooner. Sometimes they do.

I'm not sure what else to say. I wish I could take your pain away. Try to eat at least a little something. With time, things do get easier...
Posted 9/9/2011 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

I too am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the above, let them know that it is urgent that you see the psychiatrist. You might want to think about grief couseling too. You have suffered a huge loss. It is only natural for you to react the way that you are. There are no rights and wrongs with how we grieve, and there is no time limit on grief. Everybody is different.

Do keep posting and know that everybody here cares about you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/9/2011 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry for your loss. Family would be helpful if you have someone to talk to. I would try to get in to see the psychiatrist as soon as possible and tell them it is an emergency. I don't know where you are located but if you go online you will find an organization called Compassionate Friends. They are there for just this kind of purpose. They can tell you if there is a support group in your area but they have all kinds of information to help someone who is grieving. Do you live in an area where there is a hospice? Often hospices have grief support groups even if your loved one was not actually in the hospice. You might find some help there. Compassionate Friends has been around a long time and will have lots of ways to help you.

Take care of yourself.

Aurora

Posted 9/9/2011 6:34 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for answering. Makes me feel like someone cares a bit. It's so lonely.

No, family is in another country and have phoned them a few times but they can't come and be with me or anything.

Have tried to get in earlier to the psychiatrist but there's no chance. Full up and struggling the receptionist said. Said to got to ER if I feel too bad. Wo't do that, ER is a nasty place even in quiet times and I wouldn't know what to say was wrong with me. Never felt this before and don't know how anyone can bear it. Trult destructive and 24/7 isn't it? Are you the same. Or were you?

Posted 9/9/2011 7:01 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry. Forgot to ask about grief counselling. What is it and who does it? How does it help? Is it reliable and is it quick? I wouldn't know where to look, just so confused and can't think proper right now.
Posted 9/9/2011 9:22 AM (GMT 0)
I have been in your situation 10 years back Get all the help you can it easys with time but you will get there .
Posted 9/9/2011 1:21 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry to bring it up Nokia.

You know I've been thinking that no doctor or drug or counselling is gonna help at all. I just gotta get used to it and live with it. Time is the answer. Just get through the bad times and try to look forward I guess. I lost someone when I was young too and it was time that let me cope there.

It's just so hard now. Knowing she's gone and I have to go through all that pain. Why? Still don't know what really happened.

Thank you.

Posted 9/9/2011 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
You might have to call "hopice" to try to get grief counseling. Or it might be offered at your local mental health facility. But it will help you get over the loss. Often you can meet other people suffering the same as you and they can relate to what you are going through. It really helps.

Take care,

Hang in there,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/9/2011 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
Grief counseling takes many forms, but its goal is to help people deal with their emotions after losing someone.

Sometimes grief counseling may be one on one, it may be if the form of a support group, it may be both.

Check with your local hospital and mental health department to see what options there are in your area for this. Even if it is just a support group without any kind of "formal" counseling it may help you being with others who are going through or have went through what you are dealing with.
Posted 9/9/2011 10:40 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your thoughts.

I'm gonna have to see the local doctor as I have to get some sleep. Don't know what sort of drugs there are, can anyone suggest something before I see him? I just lie there, thinking, remembering and asking questions like WHY? and that.

I don't think I could do the grief stuff as it's way too raw and talking to others will just keep it going I reckon.

Think I'm going mad, imagining so many things about what happened. They won't tell me and say they don't know.

Posted 9/9/2011 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
If you aren't ready for grief counseling, that is okay. Do what is right for you. But don't try to stuff it under the rug. Let it out when you need to. There may be some things that are left unanswered. That is something that you probably wont be able to change. So try to accept their answers for now. You will sort through this and find your own type of closure.

I am really sorry for what you are going through. Don't give up on the thought of grief counseling. This is still a shock to you. Have patience with yourself.

It sounds like you need to find something to slow your mind down at night. There are medications to help you stop obsessive thinking. Make sure you mention your mind racing to the doc so that he/she knows what type of medication to give you.

Hang in there.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/9/2011 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry about your loss. I understand having to wait a long time for the help of a psychiatrist. They are very booked up these days. While you are looking, continue to post here. This forum is amazing, even when you feel like you've had all you can take, someone will give you just the word you need to make it another minute. This is a very caring and understanding place. I could never repay them for helping me through what I am going through. We will help you too.
Posted 9/10/2011 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
Gettingby, I'm not hiding anything, it's out on the floor and I stare at it all the time. I dunno what grief counselling is but I don't really want to be in a group hearing other people's miseries too. It sounds selfish but I do have only one thing to think about, her and what is it that happened. If it's obsessive I guess I am but I can't stop these thoughts right now. Gotta get sleep as I'm so tired and worn out. drugs for sleep is what I want I think but I don't want to take drugs to survive, they won't bring her back.

I hope it's OK to keep writing here. I know how bad I sound and selfish and don't want to stir anyone else with a like experience up. Please tell me if that happens as I know now how terrifying this feeling can be. Every second feels like a week and every day a year. God I hope that eases up soon. I'm hoping drugs for sleep will at least give my head a break.

Posted 9/10/2011 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
You sure can keep writing here. We are here to try to help you. We may not always know the right words to say, but we will surely listen.

Grief counseling isn't always in a group. It can be one on one. You can get it just by going to regular counseling. I just think it would help to share this and not take it on soley by yourself. You have been through more than anyone should have to bear. But I don't want to push you. So know that I am just throwing it out there for you. But in time you will have to deal with this in your own way. There is no rules or time limits with grief. So do what feels right for yourself. Whatever makes you comfortable.

I am so sorry for your loss. It just isn't fair. And it isn't easy when you have so many unanswered questions. But take it one moment at a time. I know the time seems slow right now. Go with the flow of it and try to heal.

Keep posting and know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/10/2011 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, feel so alone you know. After having her here I just assumed she would always be and now she isn't. Have read a few other posts and I sure ain't the Lone Ranger am I? Why is there so much pain and suffering in our lives? I been drinking a lot to get sleep and it helps. Seeing the doctor this week to try and get something for sleep as drinking is just my only option right now and I don't like it really. Should only drink for fun times, not to pass out. But beggars....  I reckon sleep is my best bet in the short term. Being awake and unable to stop those thoughts is bad news.
Posted 9/10/2011 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

You are probably in a state of shock. I would imagine that it is that way. Having somebody in your life one day and out of your life the next takes a toll on you. And it is going to be work to get better. I am glad that you are seeing your doctor this week. I think he/she will be able to help you to deal with this. Your life isn't easy right now. I do not envy you in the least. If it were to have happened to me, I would probably not even be able to function. I am glad that you are able to reach out for help here. And I hope that talking to us is helping you. No you aren't alone with your loss. But you are unique and this is your situation. That justifies all the sadness that you are experiencing right now. So don't feel like your situation doesn't matter, because it does. I hope I am making sense. Sometimes I don't. But I try.

Keep your chin up as much as you can. Keep taking this one day at a time. Hang on to fond memories. I hope this brings you some type of comfort.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/13/2011 11:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, Saw a doctor today and he thought I was suffering mainly severe grief but shock is in there too. My world just disintegrated from when she disappeared, and worse when she was found, gone. They have told me she was on a mountain road and went through the safety barriers and down a deep incline. Which is why it took time to find her. She was apparenly drunk they said. But they don't know anything but these things so far. At this time it doesn't really matter how it happened. What matters is she's gone and not coming back. I've had a bit of alcohol inspired sleep but wake up suddenly and scared. Sometimes sweating and it isn't hot.

I told the doctor I just wanted something for sleep right now and he talked about it for a while. I said I needed sleep to allow me to cope better and he agreed. But he warned it could get worse and if so not to hesitate. As if I could. He offered Stilnox and I said No way as I've heard to much bad about that. He wrote a prescription for something else I'd never heard of as a sleeping tablet. I didn't want valium either, apparently can be addictive.

So I'll get these tablets and read up on it and probably try it out tonight. God I hope it just knocks me out. Give me sleep, stop these darned thoughts and loneliness. I can't stand the thought of feeling this for a long time. My wife did, with dignity and grace. How do people do that? I feel like screaming and shouting and am getting angry too.

Posted 9/13/2011 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
I think it is normal to feel angry. I think you will go through a lot of different feelings with the grief. I am so sorry that this happened to you. You have suffered such a huge loss. I can't say enough how sorry I am.

You have been doing good here at answering posts. I imgaine it takes your mind off of your own. I hope it helps. Keep posting. I think it is somewhat therapeudic.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I think you seem to be coping as well as can be expected. Give yourself room to breathe. And I hope that the sleeping tabs help you get some rest.

Know we are all here for you. You aren't alone anymore. You have this forum. It may only help a little, but it does help.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/13/2011 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
Generally speaking there are 5 stages to the grief process.

1. Denial
2.Anger
3. Bargaining...of the "What if" stage
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

There is no rule though that says a person will experience these stages in order or even one at a time. It is not uncommon for people to run through each of the first 4 several times before finally gaining true acceptance and feeling like their world will go on and knowing that everything is going to be Ok.

What you are going through, what you are feeling is 200% normal and the fact that you are reaching out and seeking help says that one day you will be Ok, that you will get through this.

Just keep taking it one moment at a time. Each moment, each day that passes is one day closer to feeling better.
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