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Posted 9/12/2011 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry I havent posted for almost a month but I have been so depressed that I cant usually even walk to the bathroom to pee.  Long story short......I am in Cleveland Clinic/Lutheran Hospital building for depression.  I came in Saturday Night and hope to have some invasive things done. 

 

I am doing ok but very depressed.  So no need to worry for now.

 

Posted 9/13/2011 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

I hope that you can get help from the hospital. I know that you have been suffering from depression for such a long time. You deserve to feel better. And I hope that you do.

Do take care hon. And please keep us posted.

Many gentle hugs.

Karen
Posted 9/13/2011 1:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa.  I remember from your earlier posts that you were really struggling and you had described the invasive procedure to us.  I'm sorry that you have to be in the hospital for this, but I hope that this new treatment helps.

Cass

Posted 9/13/2011 2:06 AM (GMT 0)
hi teresa. sending many healing compassionate hugs to you. know that i care. jamie
Posted 9/13/2011 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi FFU,

I had wondered where you were, I am grateful that you have managed to let us know , thanks for that.

Wishing you the best of luck, I really hope it helps, take gentle care
Posted 9/13/2011 3:26 PM (GMT 0)
Sending many well wishes that this goes good for you and will be thinking of you.
Thank you for letting us know and I sure hope your feeling so much better soon...
Depression can be so hard, my heart goes out to you in this hard struggle.
well wishes and posts when you can.
Thinking of you.
Posted 9/13/2011 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks all for your prayers and thoughts.

I saw the doctor today and we are starting a research drug called KATEMINE.  It is IV infused and has to be given m-w-f.   The problem is this...I have noone to bring up for this as it has a sedation type effect and I cannot drive.  I cant pass up on this opportunity so I must make it a goal to find someone that can make that committment to bringing me here to Cleveland Clinic every other day.

 

All I know is that I want to go home so bad I am so lonely here.

Posted 9/14/2011 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
I sure hope you find somebody. I wonder if the department of social services would have a volunteer that could help you. Could you take a cab? Or is it too far? I really hope that this helps you Teresa. Too bad you couldn't administer the shots yourself. At least it is only three days a week. You don't have to go in on the weekend. I really hope that you find somebody.

I am sorry you are so lonely. I am glad that you are posting. We will keep you company.

Take care Teresa.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/14/2011 10:58 PM (GMT 0)
Had my ketamine treatment today and it was truly different.  It is IV infused and made me feel like I was being drugged right before surgery before they put you out totally.  I even feel a little better tonight.  I will have another treatment Friday.  I do feel hopeful tonight.
Posted 9/15/2011 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Teresa,

This is the best news. I hope it continues to help. Thanks for sharing. And do keep us posted.

Wishing you the best.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/15/2011 3:00 PM (GMT 0)
Found out today that I am not getting to go home until early next week, this really depresses me because it is supposed to be pretty outside and I could use the sunshine.  And the weekends there is nothing going on here so it is really depressing especially since I get no visitors and it is kinda sad because everyone else seems to.

 

Just really lonely and wish for some company.  I live too far away for any of my neighbors to visit and my car is still at the main campus and I have no idea how to get it.  Feeling alone is the worst.

Posted 9/15/2011 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
Teresa,

You will make it, just hang in there. This is helping you it sounds like and that is so important. Can you get to the main campus to get your car? Maybe go out for a walk in the nice weather??? Do they let you outside?

Try to make the best of this as it is sounding like the only treatment that has helped you. KNow that you have us to talk to to pass time. I am usually around on the weekends.

I hope that this helps and that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/16/2011 5:33 AM (GMT 0)
teresa now that i am thinking of you. and are sending much healing compassionate hugs your way. keep strong. jamie
Posted 9/16/2011 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
I'm glad the treatment seems to be working. Hang in there. You are on your way to success. Post here. We will keep you company. Is there anyone there you can ask about your car? At the very least take a walk around in the nice weather and smile aboout the progress that you are making.
Posted 9/16/2011 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
FFU, the lonliness is temporary, if this treatment works for you, it will be life changing, you hang in there, we are all holding out for a good result for you.
Posted 9/18/2011 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
FFU:  Awty's advice is so right.  This lonliness will be temporary for you.  Right now you are getting the opportunity to get better and this is the most important.  You have waited so long for this and I am so happy to hear that you think the medication is working.

Is there anyway you could take a walk or at least sit outside in the sunshine?  Hang in there.  You may not have virtual visitors but you have all of us and I'm betting that's more than the other patients.

Love and (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Cass

Posted 9/18/2011 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks you guys for all the kind words.  I did figure out the car situation and it is handled and my second treatment went very well.  The most disappointing thing that did happen is a guy I have kinda been seeing promised to visit and couldnt find the hospital so he just turned around and went home.  So I spent the rest of the evening in tears and being comforted by my fellow roommates.

 

I have a treatment tomorrow and hopefully go home Tuesday.  Then trying to find someone to get me back and forth.  I will make it here one way or another.

 

So keep sending your prayers and love.

Posted 9/18/2011 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
I am praying for you

Maggie
Posted 9/18/2011 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Teresa,

You sound so good. I am happy for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/19/2011 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Teresa

I feel your pain (really!).There are certain types of depression that we CANNOT talk or angst our way out of-that is situational depression. My depression is organic and I resent people that say "It's you. You are not trying enough" My hubby asked me what was wrong last night and I said I was very depressed and he said "What happened?" AAAARRRGGGHHH he still does not get it...this an organic disease...I have been thru Halcion, suicide rooms, heavy heavy anti-psychotics(?) at least 15 anti-ds, 18 ects(totally useless for me and 3 hospitilizations, never mind 1000s of hours of talk therapy so don't tell me I'm not trying.

I am literally at the end of rope, and I would have let go a long time ago except for my precious daughter. So, YES, I will be a guinea pig, bring it on...and count your blessings those of you who have found some measure of relief from cbt and meds. I don't downplay your pain, please don't diminish mine. With good thoughts for you all. Thanks for the vent

Maggie
Posted 9/19/2011 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
OOOPS! I posted on wrong thread...this was meant for Chansull on "vagus nerve" thread....I am so sorry Teresa, I am pulling for you and dying to know if it helps...it is my next step You go girl!

Maggie
Posted 9/19/2011 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Bayoub2,

I kind of had the feeling that you posted on the wrong thread, but wasn't for sure. And you know if it took horse tranquilizer to make me feel better, I would use it too. I hope that you find what is right for you. Know that we are all behind you 100%. Whatever it takes. I guess, sometimes I write when my head isn't quite right and I am unsure as to whether it is coming out right. I am sure you understand what I am saying. Anyway, I wish you a good day. And I hope you are feeling well.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/19/2011 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone~

Had another treatment today but feel pretty bad.  My roommate left and I have just generally been down and feel alone.  I was supposed to go home tomorrow but I cant get anyone to bring me up for treatments on wed or fri.  Sucks, I didnt want it to be this way.

 

Keep your prayers going.

Posted 9/19/2011 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
FFu I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. Is it the treatment or yr roomie leaving and not being able to leave? Sometimes I have to tell myself that even bad days come to an end and hopefully tomorrow will be better. Is the reason you have to stay because you don't have a ride to the procedures? That really sucks but that will end Friday, right?

I am being selfish but can you tell me if you think the shots are working? How many do you have to have? Can you do it outpatient if possible (like ects) and does your insurance cover it? I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and want to ask for the ketamine.

I truly hope it helps you and remember, we are out here for you and you are not alone.

Maggie
Posted 9/20/2011 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

Thanks for posting. I hope that you are only feeling sad because your roomate left. And I hope that the treatments continue to work for you.

Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen
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