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Posted 10/21/2011 1:20 PM (GMT 0)
am very very low at the moment. have been masking my pain for days now. i have crashed. i have been awake far too long over the last week. after midnight again. i am having seriously bad self-loathing feelings, i feel inept and inadequate. i feel like a failure for quiting school, i didn't go today. got shopping in the morning, i don't think i will make that-well see. jut super depressed is all. i am losing this battle within myself of myself, of who i am-this sux. too tired to even cry, or care to do so. i hate this and hate using the word hate!!!! jamie

cry   cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

Posted 10/21/2011 1:28 PM (GMT 0)
jamiee-I don't think I have any magic words to make you feel better...but you know you are not inadequate or useless...you have always been there for me when I needed someone and I cannot say that about anyone in my3d life, certainly not husband or daughter, my siblings neither I'm just a drama queen but you understand and that is a very powerful gift from God, unfortunately some bad always tags along..

You know I am here-not sleeping isn't helping. Why are youw eaning off seroquel anyway? Were you getting tardive dyskenesia? I've heard it is a real hard thing to stop

Keep us posted

Maggie
Posted 10/21/2011 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
Awww Jamie,

Here you are helping me when you are so down. I am sorry. Today is better for me. Took Jasmine to the groomers so I can vacuum my floor now. She attacks the vacuum. So it is nice and quiet right at the moment. I will pick her up in about an hour and bring her home. She was mad that I left her. Oh well, has to be done. Needs her nails trimmed.

I hope that your day/night gets better for you. Know that all of us here really do care about you. We want to see you better and happy.

Keep posting, after you get some sleep...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/21/2011 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
Jamiee,
Sure hope you feeling better soon...you are a good person try to reason that out...
Maybe put a call into your counselor...and you have all of us rooting for you to get better...
sending you some strenght to get thru this battle with yourself...your a very good person.
Stay strong...
thinking of you and sending many well wishes....
Posted 10/21/2011 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
oooooooohhhhhhh thank you all. counsellor is at a very special loss and grief seminar. shrink not for a few weeks also. will be ok. jamie
Posted 10/21/2011 8:17 PM (GMT 0)
Counselor should have some good insights for you when he gets back!! you are up very late -did u sleep at all?
Maggie
Posted 10/21/2011 9:44 PM (GMT 0)
Jamiee, so sorry you are feeling like this. Sending you strength and comfort.
Posted 10/21/2011 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
Jamiee,
Stay strong. I have been so up and down but am using the positive self talk to combat the negative thoughts. It does work. The negative thoughts are what brings us down so we need to push them out and replace with something positive.
My son saw his therapist today and he did some simple hypnosis technique with him and he loved it. He is 13 and very anxious. He was so relaxed after I was thrilled for him.
Do someting that you are good at to get yourself in a more positive frame of mind. Replace the I can't with I can. Even the simpliest things.
I hope you can get some sleep.

cookie
Posted 10/21/2011 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
Jamie,

When you get up and about, let us know how you are doing.

We are all thinking of you...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/21/2011 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Jamie, I'm really sorry this is happening to you now. I thought once
the seasons changed, you'd become much stronger. Give yourself
time to recover from the recent bout of illness.

Maybe things will improve strongly for you with rest.

Take care.

I.G.
Posted 10/21/2011 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
thank you all for your love, kindness and compassion. jamie ♥♥♥
Posted 10/22/2011 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
all day long, my dear

Maggie
Posted 10/22/2011 2:38 AM (GMT 0)
amother long day. hardly slept guys. feel like death warmed up. jamie :-(

thx 4 your continued love and support, it means everything.
Posted 10/22/2011 7:18 AM (GMT 0)
no tardiv dyskenesia maggie. i have just crashed. i hate myself for feeling like this...........it makes you feel like it is your fault. i am struggling to do everything, and i mean struggle-even walking buttons bums me out, i get no joy from it. i am sore, and tired folks. i feel weak. mentally and physically. i hate this!!!!!! i have to write to the shrink. do some later. even reading and replying to posts is severly draining. i do try however!!!!!!!!!! i feel that i am not living, this is a given at the moment. **** this!!!!!!!!!!!!! it sux. love to you all. jamie ♥♥♥
Posted 10/22/2011 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
Jamiee i'm so sorry I can't be there so you could get all this **** out of you system. you are like a pressure cooker and the valve isabeginning to whistle(do you even know what a pressure cooker is, my YOUNG frien-lol)

You know that this is not your fault. It took me years to realize I was not depressed b/c I wasn't trying enough or just whimy. AAnd I do still feel that guilt sneaking in and I get so mad at it and myself. Hubby beleieves it is a character flaw. But we are ill, just as if we had cancer, nobody blames themselves for that (except lunng cancer). Remember this will pass, grit your teeth and hold on fro dear life.
You are cherished here and I'll send up morning parayers.

Maggie
Posted 10/22/2011 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
Keep being strong hun, we do care about you and know you are a very good person...
many well wishes...
Posted 10/22/2011 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hold tight Jamiee. We are all with you. Sending you love, compassion and my hugs to help you hold on when you feel to weak to do it yourself. (((((((Jamiee))))))))))
Posted 10/22/2011 10:58 PM (GMT 0)
thx very much all. i love ya's. ps, i have a pressure cooker,. with whistle. and a wok, many things.
i do cook a mean stir-fry as well. jamie
Posted 10/22/2011 11:08 PM (GMT 0)
LOL Jamie...

I believe you about that stir fry. I love stir fry. Makes me want to cook some up.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/22/2011 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
touche jamiee!!!!
Posted 10/22/2011 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
cool   cool cool cool jamie
Posted 10/23/2011 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
Ok everybody, I need cooking lessons. Karen you keep my mouth watering. The mention of lasagne had me at olive garden. Maybe there is some hope for me in the kitchen.
Posted 10/23/2011 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
definately my friend!!!! i still can't cook. jamie
Posted 10/23/2011 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hi jaimee,
I totally understand the low energy. My husband does not get it which is frustrating. He thinks I should be handling everything at home even while I'm so up and down.
I just re acquainted myself with www.flylady.net for those who feel overwhelmed at home . They help you with routines for daily life and keeping things in manageable pieces. Check it out when you get a chance.
take care,
cookie
Posted 10/23/2011 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
thx cookie, you too. with compassion, jamie
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