gambling to fisht depression

Hi there,

And welcome to the depression forum.

Gambling can easily become an addiction. I highly suggest counseling for both you and your wife. It sounds like you have some kind of sexual anxiety going on right now. Counseling might help you. Or talk to your doc about viagra.

But the gambling is very concerning. Plus there goes all your money. I would have a serious talk with her and suggest counseling to save your relationship. I hope that this helps some. She might want to contact gamblers annonymous too. I am sorry that you are going through this.

Hugs, Karen

Impulse control, explosive anger, compulsive behavior can be depression or possibly Bipolar..I'm no doc, so it is important that you and she both see yr doctors and seek counseling, either alone or together or both.

These situations can get out of control quickly, so acting promptly may keep your family together and intact. I am sorry for your troubles and I feel bad for the kids also

Good luck and let us know how it's going
Maggie

Chuck,

First of all and above everything else I have to say or ask in this reply, please listen to the advice given in all the previous replies. You and your wife are in a crisis situation and professional help (medical and psych) is badly needed.

That said, let me tell you that I can relate in that I am in a sexless marriage. We've been married about the same length of time, about 13 years for us. Nobody else answered or acknowledged the questions you asked at the end of your post and I have he sense that those are the questions you wanted most to have answered. Let me describe what I've observed in myself and then I have a couple of questions to ask you for clarification.

I've noticed a cycle in my response to feeling abandoned sexually. We've all heard of the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. My cycle is kind of like that with some adaptation to the fact that it's the loss of physical emotional and psychological needs being met. I employ a variety of coping mechanisms to get by. Sometimes I cope by shutting down (or trying to shut down) sexually. I think that one falls in the category of denial. At some point shutting down becomes too difficult and I am ashamed to say another stage is what I call crazy horny. There are times that I am so angry and frustrated that irrational thoughts of how to get my needs met suddenly seem rational. I used to pass through the bargaining stage, at least in the sense of trying to persuade her to be more cooperative with my needs, but I've given up on that. Perhaps crazy horny also falls under bargaining because it is sort of an attempt to negotiate a solution to my problem. Depression is where I'm at most of the time. Acceptance is rare, short lived, and possibly just denial in disguise.

Now, about your questions. I am curious about what you really meant.
1. By suggesting that she go have sex with another man, were you really just expressing that you hate the gambling addiction so much that even cheating would hurt less than that? (I don't think this is what you meant, but had to ask just in case)
2. Do you believe that if she had a fling it might in some way improve her life and health?
3. Does the thought of her with another man in some way play into a fantasy of your own?

The suspect that the answer to number 3 is a yes. Perhaps I only think that because the cuckold fantasy also shows up in my thoughts during crazy horny. The point I'm making to you is that during crazy horny irrational thoughts seem to make sense. In reality, there is nothing good that can come from you making that suggestion to her and terrible harm could result if the 2 of you actually acted on it. No, I'm not speaking from personal experience when I say that, but I am speaking from the accounts of others who went down that path with the same illusion you described, that it would somehow spice up the marriage and in the long run improve the relationship.

I'll end on the same thought as when I began. You and your wife are in a crisis and the best thing you can do is get some professional help. I wish the best for you because I know all too well how difficult your situation is.