Depressed loved one, I am looking to better understand so I can be supportive PLEASE!

I just noticed your signature Kitt, is that new? I really like it.

I don't know how I feel about the stigma that is put on the mentally ill. I agree that there are a lot of people that are ignorant to it. But I guess I live in a town where there are a lot of people seeking mental help. Almost everybody is on antidepressants. Though I am sure there are some who wouldn't admit it. There is a lot of alcoholism in my community too. And generation after generation follows. It is kind of sad if you think about it. And don't get me wrong, there are a lot of wonderful people here. But there is no mental health help. You have to go to the next town to get it. Though it isn't really far. I go to the city about an hour away. I just recently talked a friend into going to the same place. I think it has helped her. But that doesn't mean that people don't look down on our community, a lot of them do because there is nothing in this town. It is sad for the children.

I understand the southern towns. It is sad too. I guess everywhere is different. But yet some same similarities. I feel bad saying bad things about my town, but that is just the way that it is here. I don't associate with many people. I keep to myself as much as possible. But I don't want to be around the drinking and other things that go on. And if you aren't drinking yourself, you can't stand to be around people who are. To me that is a mental illness in itself. The drinking... It is really sad here. But like I say, there are some wonderful people too.

I hope I didn't get too much off topic of discussion.

Hugs, Karen

I think it helps some, Green Bean885, if you lower your expectations of other people.  Do you know what I mean?  It creates less stress for you and opens your spirit to a more comfortable you.

Be wary of "black and white thinking"; that's reminiscent of bipolar symptoms.  (Forgive this expression, but Acoholics Anonymous calls that "stinkin' thinkin'.")

Rarely is everything either "black" or "white". Shades of gray is better, really, and that also expands your consciousness to a greater understanding of more than one perception of things.  In other words, situations are more complex than they appear on the surface.  Try not to analyze situations unless you can do so objectively. Being in love makes that very, very difficult until the passionate level is overcome and you settle into a wise and gentle love.

Continue counselling; one day at a time and continue the lithium as your doctor directs. It's the standard for bipolar treatment.

I. G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 11/8/2011 3:23:04 PM (GMT-7)

my keyboard froze-lol

Try not to put so much meainng into number and words in text messages...you will drive yourself nuts trying to read meaning into every little thing...okay, I'm done

Take care and let us know

Maggie

In my humble opinion, the best thing that you can do is give it time and get on with your life while waiting. Just because she didnt text you back, doesn't mean anything. Maybe she didn't check her phone, or maybe she didn't get the text. There can be all kinds of circumstances. How long has she not been answering your texts? Has it been a while, or was it just one text?

It is important for you not to be lying in the lurches waiting for responses. You have to get on with your life too. You deserve this. Find something that you like to do and start doing it. Do this for you... You deserve enjoyment too. Keep busy, take this one day at a time. She may come around and she may not, but it is important for you to find some interests and start doing things besides waiting for her to respond to you. It is only fair that you have a life too.

I hope that this helps. And I Hope it isn't too harsh of a response. But I see you waiting and that isn't fair.

Hugs, Karen

Keep doing what you are doing. I think that the gym sounds like a good idea. That way you will have your mind off of her for awhile. As long as you are happy, keep hope. Depression really sucks. It takes the life out of us. Sometimes we dwell so much on ourselves that we don't think of other people's feelings. Sometimes we are in denial of our own problems. But it sounds like your SO really cares about you. She may just be going though a hard time and doesn't want to admit her feelings for you. Maybe the fellings are overwhelming for her at this time. I think as long as you are both working on yourselves, the right things will work out. They might be different from what you expect. But keep trying. And whatever is best will happen.

I hope that she comes around soon.

Hugs, Karen

I am really happy that posting helps. It not only gets our feelings out but we get impartial views from others. And others experiences too. I really hope that this works out for you. Love is hard, but most good things are. I am glad that you are taking care of yourself and staying busy. You have to continue living. Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen

That seems to be happening a lot lately. Last week I lost a post. And I think Maggie did too.

If this keeps up I will talk to admin about it. Someitmes I just forget to click on submit. Or I lose it right after I type it up. But that is just me...

Hugs, Karen

Hi all,

I just wanted to post here and let everyone know that I have been doing much better, thanks to all of the responses. I am not 100% comfortable with everything, but I'm not falling to pieces daily like before. I have started to accept that my partner just does not care about me, or much of anything else going on in her life. As I wrote in another post, I do not think she is going well in school and possibly will not be graduating this semester as planned.

I used to be scared or afraid that if I gave up, she will not come after me/work to have me in her life. I don't feel like I'm "giving up" per say, as I really feel like I've done everything I can. Maybe I am just accepting defeat?? I bet that sounds somewhat similar... but to me, giving up means there's more to try, that I just got frustrated and quit. Accepting defeat is more like looking at the situation, deciding I've put all the time and effort I'm going to allow, and moving on.

Oh, I wanted to share that things have really been improving with my sister!!! She told me that she has really started to make an effort dealing with things that bother her because she knows it upsets and worries me that she gets so dark/depressed at times. I could see a difference, but was afraid of noting it because she may stop making the effort she was making. She told me I am her best friend, that she doesn't want to worry or hurt me, and that she doesn't want to fall back into dark times like she has before. Now, she calls me to "vent" or to express frustration or hurt feelings whereas before, she just blew it off, like her feelings didn't matter to her or anyone else. She doesn't see the point/need for counseling at this point, but I gently remind her once in awhile that the behavior/feelings she has have a "root cause" and that until it is discovered and dealt with, these feelings will back their way back around. I was targeting all my energy and effort into my partner and in the meantime, someone else was getting better. Somewhere in there, I did something right!!

Is it possible for me to "give up" on my partner without writing her out of my life??? Before, I felt bad, like eliminating her from my life wasn't fair since she is depressed and clearly mentally not stable. Now, I just don't want to make excuses anymore. I hope that doesn't sound mean to those of you who have suffered with the illness... I am not being mean or cruel at all. I understand she isn't herself right now, but how long can I be expected to "understand" that? This is my greatest fear: That while she is depressed, I will do something (move on, give up, whatever) that will affect her so deeply that when she is no longer depressed, she will not make the effort. For example, if I take my things back from her now, i think that would affect her "working" for me in the future. On the flip side, it may mean nothing to her at all. So, I do nothing. I want to take my things because if she is "done" with me, I'd rather know now than continue wasting my time... analyze, analyze, analyze. Yikes! I haven't done that in awhile! No slipping into bad behavior!!

I love Thanksgiving and I am truly thankful that I have all of you to help, support, and keep me focused :) I hope I am still welcome, even though things seem to be on the up slope... there's a lot I still have to workout aka the reason for continued counseling.

Thanks Karen. I will try not to get my hopes up that she seeks me out or even apologizes. It would be nice, but I guess not very likely. It's amazing how people change!

She posted lyrics again, "Picture on the Dashboard". Naturally, I don't know the song so I had to look up the lyrics... Is she going to blame everything on me?? Actually she posted the lyrics that she was going to paint the town... So, I'm sure that she, like usual, will be partying.

I've gotten so much stronger and so much better so why does this hurt? A person's depression cannot be my fault. Right? She was this way before I told her I needed to step back from the situation... guys she was depressed for 4 months before I told her I needed a break from it. It was bringing me down. Now it's been going on for 6 months total, two of which she's excluded me from, which I guess was my wishes.

I miss her and I want her to get better. Right when I start thinking I can continue on with my life, something hurts me and I realize how much I really do still care about her. I thought I had broken the cycle of caring, but I must have just broken the cycle of letting it bring me down. I'm really annoyed with myself right now for this. I always end up caring and loving for people who can't care or love me the same way. I never felt that way about her until now... and it kills me that I did this to myself. There were no warning signs, no negotiations in making myself happy when I was with her.

I have said that I needed a break because I couldn't handle her depression after four months. Easily, I could have blamed her by saying "Oh yeah, you're depressed it's all your fault this fell apart". But I don't, I say "I couldn't handle it anymore. There are things that really bothered me that I should have handled better. " That is admitting my faults... that I could have done a better job. I'm not fully blaming her, nor am I taking the full blame. It takes two to tango. But not in her head.

And I still have no explanation. She knows why I needed a break... yet I have no idea why she ignores me. I don't care anymore because it won't change anything. I have done all that I can do. Being the "bad guy" feels horrible.