the loss of my husband

I lost my husband on oct 23, 2011 to a car accident, we were only married 2 1/2 years, not long enough we had so many good years left, I feel this empty void in my gut all day long, I know its only been a little over a week but the pain is so over whelming I don't know what to do, I can't eat, sleep, I go to work but I'm useless. I really don't like coming home anymore but at the same time don't want to leave my home, for the memories are so awesome here, we re modeled our home and worked together for 2 years of our marriage, we built this together, he din't even really get to enjoy it we just finished with the final touches this summer and now he's gone.... Please help and direct me in the right direction, I'm missing him so much I don't know what to do....

i am in grief counselling alone, i lost my partner on 4th dec 2006. i have good days and some not good days, but i know she wants me to be happy and i am working on this to make her happy too. grief is a very personal experience, there is no right or wrong way. i send you much healing compassion. i am very sorry for your loss, my deepest of condolences. jamie

Dear Alone
I am glad you found us here-these are good people and we know about feeling really down

My deepest sympathies on the loss of yr husband, your lives were just getting started.

I cannot imagine the depth of yr pain. Karen is right, please seek out counseling. My mom's death was sudden, and I couldn't focus at wor or laugh after a month or 6 weeks, so I saw a counselor several times and it helped alot. She helped me move in my grief, helped me to remember my loved one with more smiles than tears. I know you are not there yet, it's very new...but try to talk w/ someone

We are always around here..please know that we care and will respond.

Again, I am so very sorry

Maggie

Mine was on Oct 21. Wierd, 21, 22, 23...

This was the first year that I didn't dwell on it. So it took over ten years. It is quite the process. But it doesn't have to be unpleasant.

Hugs, Karen

we are here 4 you shannon, jamie

Hi Alone,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 11 years ago this December 23. He died of cancer. My best friend since 5th grade died of breast cancer on October 1st. It has brought back all the memories of losing my husband. I understand how you feel. I STILL feel depressed over my husband dying, he was only 38. We had so many plans, and he never got to enjoy everything he worked so hard for. Losing my best friend has put me over the edge. You must continue to see friends and go out.

I have become a recluse, and hate to leave my home, I have children and must take care of them, but it is the hardest thing to do. The smallest tasks are overwhelming. Find a group of people who are in your same situation, and bond with them. I didn't do this. I pushed the death out of my mind and didn't grieve the first 5 years. It was wrong, and only created more problems. It is good you are grieving now, and continue to mourn your loss. It is a process, you cannot work through your grief unless you go through the steps. I am happy you are seeking help now, I hope you begin to feel better.

my deepest of condolences cantletgo. jamie. welcome from me as well.

they are maggie, they are. jamie

Hello Everyone,

I'm so sad for each of your losses.
I lost my husband of 8 yrs to Leukemia July 16, 2010. He was a wonderful husband, and a kind, loving gentle man. I miss Jack every single day.

Here's what I know about Grief: It is not linear. You may learn about the stages of grief, but it's not a graduation from one stage to the next. Expect to revisit stages, skip some stages, stay in or out of a stage for a while. You cannot go over grief, you must go thru it.

Counseling has helped me a great deal, with both my grief and my depression/anxiety. (I've been on meds for depression since I was 15, now ab to turn 39.) Try journaling or writing letters to your lost loved one. I have kept his FB page open & I write there often.

Rest, sleep when you feel like it. Take quiet time for yourself. Eat well, or try, when you are hungry. You don't have to live by the clock. Get outside and sit in the sun. Find one friend you trust and talk thru your pain. Let friends know they don't have to talk...let them know that just having them near is a comfort. You may also find you need alone time, and that is OK. Pray or meditate. If you feel overwhelmed, delegate any task you can. Be easy with yourself.

I am still deep in the grieving process 14 mos later. I know I will grieve, in some way, until my life is over. But slowly, I am finding joy again...in small things.

I am sorry for each of your losses. Sending comforting hugs to all of you. Welcome to this forum new members.

Thanks everyone, for the kind words.

I struggle because I had such a good life with Jack. I count my blessings but This life is not the life I wanted. I loved being married and taking care of the house & just being with Jack.

Now I am in kind of Limbo- I can't have my old life back...and I don't like this life I have now, but I don't have any idea what a future looks like.

I forgot to say that some times, just getting thru the day is all we can do. At Grief's worst, you may have to take life an hour at a time. I find myself saying, if I can just make it thru this hour, this day...it is enough. With all the pain, being in the moment is hard.

I am very Angry, but I don't have any particular focus for my anger. I have learned that it's OK to be angry. I do find it hard to deal with/express my anger. But I am working on it.

Thanks Karen & everybody who has made me feel welcome. Being a widow/er is a club no one wants to join.

I do write poetry and have been able to journal some about my feelings.
I just lack motivation right now with my depression. Music means a lot to me as well.

Of course my furry babies keep me going as I know no one else would care for them if I wasn't here.

I did manage to get up & get a shower today, went to the store for cat food and kitty litter, and made myself supper, which is more than I have done in 4-5 days.

Loosing someone close is so hard, be it a spouse or family member, and our family has been hit hard. I have lost 10 family members including my husband in the last 18 mos. I wish death would leave our family alone for a while, including me. It seems like he is always hiding in the corner of my darkness.

I have such troubling dreams, I dream that Jack is still alive but he is somehow lost to me, or doesn't want me anymore...its just awful. I wake up choking on my tears.

I am going to come clean with my therapist on Tue about how low I feel. She is always pushing me, saying how well I am doing, encoraging me to do more in my life...I hate to disappoint her. But I need to let her know what is going on.

I also wonder about the Fibromyalgia. I have a lot of symptoms, but medically I have a lot going on. I have tried dilligently to cut out artificial sweetners, colors etc, and also caffiene from my diet, I have a cousin who is on a "cave man diet" and her fibro, she says is much better. The only thing I can't seem to part with is my one soda a day...I need that delicious fizziness when I wake up. :)

even strong people need help getting that anger out...I, too have been lying to my therapist and vow to come clean on Monday...letting thast flood gate open is scary, so many feelings to deal with, but only way to move on...

Good luck and keep posting
maggie