Unsupportive family

I just had a heated argument with my brother about this topic and I get off the phone and it pushed that button that sensitive button and just puts me in a tailspin of all those negative emotions. Even though I know that he is wrong about the just buck up thing, I beat up myself because there is a part of me that wishes so badly that I could snap out of this underlying sadness that consumes my evenings.  I hate this condition so badly but I keep telling myself that it will get better but it doesn't make the pain any less. I do think about suicide and wanting somehow to rest from all of this emotion but I take one day at a time and most days its sucks but I have promised myself and my counselor that I would stay alive and keep moving forward.  Why does things have to be so hard?

Does anyone have suggestions to deal with unsupportive family and friends?  How do I handle these situations without getting so upset about it?

I know how you feel. Before my husband really knew that depression was an illness he would say to me "Why don't you believe in God?" This hurt me tremendously because the only reason that I was still fighting for my life was because of God.  Many people who DON'T REALLY know what depression is thinks that you can just snap in and out of it. They think that you are just being lazy, moody, or selfish.

It may help if you ask the closest members of your family to go to a "Ask the Dr" session in therapy with you. I dragged my husband kicking and screaming but he learned a lot more about me and my illness and learned what he could do to support me through the bad times. I hope everything goes okay for you. Please keep us updated.

Hugs,
dbab

I sat here a while wondering how to address your situation, one of which I am VERY fimiliar with. First and foremost, depression is an illness not to be taken lightly. People who do not suffer depression are clueless. Some of them have depression but block it out or feed it in other ways. I can only respond using my situation so bear with me. First and foremost, YOU are not the one who is causing your depression. The circumstances that surround us and situations we are in and our ability or inability to handle them is the cause. Number 2, don't beat yourself up on this. We often do that and winde up ever more depressed. Number 3, do not let your depression "overflow" on tho others as it will push them away ever further, ask me I know. People are people and they don't want to be around someone that complains a lot or looks sad and depressed all the time, doesn't smile of laugh or even care about how they act or how they look. I once again can relate. Unfortunately, if family and /or friends were accepting and caring unconditionally, the Psych's would have no patients. The truth is that over 2/3 of the population are depressed, especially now with all the terrible things that have happened over the past years to our country and the world. Losing loved one's over seas, children being molested and kidnapped and innocent people dying and much more would cause great depression. That's human nature. I was once told that if I wanted sympathy, it was in the dictionary. I was once told by my own daughther who is 32 yrs old that "I get whatever I deserve". I think that was the most dispicable and deplorable thing that a child, 32 or 2 could say to their parent. She was referring  to my marital issues with her step-father and even though they had nothing to do with her, she "kicked me" while I was down. She can be very calus and unkind at times even though I love her as much as I do my 34 yr old daughter. She just has a "big mouth " and doesn't have a tactful bone in her body.Come to find out that her life wasn't as rosey as she let on and was probably giving me her "overflow" as people with depression do. We often like to put our troubles on some elses shoulders so we can lighten the load. Remember, this is from personal experience.

Once again, people are people and tend to shy away from those of us who have depression like it is catching. The thing that they are trying to do is escape from the depressed person so they can avoid listening to their problems and gripes, whether they are from illness or lifestyle. It's like, "Oh God, here she comes...I don't want to listen to her complaining again....run!!!!" I have finally come to the place where I took the focus off myself and put it on others. After all, it's not their fault I am depressed. I was only thinking about myself and have a full blown, life time, "pity party". I never took the time to listen to their problems or didn't even give them a chance to. Depression is something that only we can deal with ourselves. Others probably have their own issues and then we dump on them and they have too much, ergo, they collapse under the "weight" of ours and their depression issues. No one wants to be around someone who is negative, whines, nags and bellyaches all the time. Once again, they RUN when they see us coming.

OK...now I will tell you what I have done but you will have to figure this out for yourself. First off, you are hurting and feel alone. That's a no brainer. Now when I call family on the phone, I ask them how THEY are doing and if everything's OK with them, how the family is, how is the weather, what about the Red Sox, whatever it takes to eliminate the discussion  and the limelight off me. When they ask, I tell them I am fine. Even if I'm not, I say I am. After all, I called them so why should I moan and groan at my convenience. When the hang up the phone, they think to themselves, "Gee, she didn't have one negative thing to say". BINGO....NOW YOU GOT IT! Then the next time you talk to them, they will be more apt to feel like you will do the same thing. You do and you have earned a bit more foundation from the person you are talking to. After all, you wouldn't build your house on sand, would you? No, of course not. It would crumble from the weight and the force of the waves. Waves are the problems we have that cause depression. I did this with every person in my family and they is a lot of em'. About 20 to be exact. All I did was take the spotlight off me and shine it on then and in turn, they became more sympathitic and kinder and didn't feel like they couldn't "answer the phone" when the caller ID said it was me. See where I am going? Little by little they allowed me back into the fold. We still have our issues but they had subsided a lot. I have a disease that is not curable and carries a lot of sub-diseases with it. That's what I used as the base of my "overflows" on them. Once again, I don't do that any more. Now I just tell my Mom and my Shrink. It's all about the negatives and positives. Either the glass is half empty or half full. It's how we presume things to be. After this lecture, I hope I have helped you. I with someone would have helped me but that's OK. At least I finally got it!

God bless

"Lefty"     

I do spend most of my time/day trying very hard to distract myself from my emotions and thoughts.  I have a job where there is never a dull moment and while it can be exhausting working with children... It has been a blessing because it has kept me focused and grounded.  It is when I am by myself that my emotions start to resurface and the sadness and frusturations.

I think that I have to let go of this ideal that my family will ever completely understand.  Perhaps they may be part of the problem.  I am an adult and must settle in to that reality at one time.  I  am trying to work on moving forward but it is such a long road...... How do you stay grounded when you feel like such a mess???

By the way my therapist and I have an agreement between each other about the suicide thing.  I know that I am not feeling well these days and I am very honest with my feelings.