Really bad off

I think working will help distract you from the pain. It did me. And the time went by so fast. I loved it. Don't know if I could do that now though. But I would try if I had to. Winter is hard for me. Especially having fibro. Do you have fibro too?

Yes cymbalta and lyrica and one other one are used for fibro. I think Savella. But a lot of antidepressants do help with pain. I think it has something to do with the central nervous system, but don't quote me on that. I am not sure. I had good luck with effexor for many years. I now take pristiq. Effexor has gone generic though so it is cheaper now. It was rather expensive. I have insurance, but I think it costed them about 600.00 a month for me to take it. The pristiq is rather expensive too, but I only have to take one a day. The abilify is really expensive, but they could maybe give you samples. My copay is 40.00 a month on that one, but it works so well for me that it is worth it. The abilify is the mood stabilizer.

I hope that you find what works for you. There are so many anti depressants now. And all of them have different side effects for awhile. But that goes away.

Have a good day today.

Hugs, Karen

Thx for the suggestions Karen and Maggie :) You guys are great. I've had a rough couple of days ... I'd say it's getting better but it kinda goes back and forth on that front. I feel more clear headed so I think most of the withdrawal part has passed, now I just feel all the pain that the fentanyl was masking and that the vicodin doesn't help with. I was also told that I have another kidney stone on my right side, not as big as the whopper on my left side but still there. My response? Oh yeah, so that's what that pain is? I have so much going on I didn't even know. See I get stones all the time - as in ALL the time and in addition to that my kidneys hurt even if I'm not passing a stone (it's a weird thing with MSK - no one knows why - which is why getting a pain doc is so hard). Anyway, I had figured I was just feeling more of my usual kidney pain, not an actual stone passing. Not too surprised though, they like to travel in pairs. The last few times I've had documented stones (that I went to a doc for - most of the time I just let 'em pass on their own) I have had stones passing on both sides. It's some weird MSK thing.

Anyway - woke up sick to my stomach and barely able to move - still even now with vicodin I'm barely functioning and I look a mess. I know it's bad but I just had to postpone my interview. This is just too much agony for anyone to have to go through while in an interview. I drew the line at not feeling comfortable operating a car - I am not endangering my for this. Hopefully they let me reschedule but even so I'm gonna be down for the count for a couple weeks at best. I feel guilty but darn it there's only so much I can do. Wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Best to all!

Hi Bridget,

I too need coffee. Me and Maggie, alike today. Just want you to know we all care and want you to continue to post. I hope your day is going well.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Bridget,

I am so sorry for your situation. I hope that some of these job offers aren't for not. Can you let them know your situation so that they will hold a position for you? I forgot when your surgery is, of if there is one for the stones.

I do often think about years ago what was like to live in that time. There would be a lot of conveniences that we wouldn't have, but we wouldn't know any different either. It was tough. People worked hard. There was no cell phones or computers. Not even regular phones. Just telegraph, if that... Pony express....

Makes a person think as to how easy we really have it, with the conveniences and stuff.

I hope that you feel better. I hope that the vent helped. That is what we are all here for, eachother.

I need more coffee. Same old story. I am up much earlier today than yesterday.

Hugs, Karen

Hi guys -

Been a few days since I posted... I had my lithotripsy and have been recovering. The first night was horrid because the doc didn't think I'd need nausea meds ... needless to say that was a BAD idea. Anyway, I got through that (finally got them to give me nausea meds). Now the stone pain is most gone but I'm left with all the rest of my chronic pain from fibro and my kidneys hurting and I'm almost out of the vicodin they gave me ... I've been taking as little as possible to make it last until my follow up tomorrow. The result is pretty bad. Sleep is horrible, I wake up feeling horrible and the little bit of vicodin I do take is the only reason I can move around and do stuff like, oh I don't know, feed my dogs or make it to the grocery store. Even now if it weren't for the vicodin I took I wouldn't be able to type this.

Anyway - today I went to see a new pain mgmt doc - yep, one actually wants me as a patient. Only problem: the doctor (and I use that term loosely) was a total hack! He wouldn't even talk to me, just basically threw a prescription at me and shoved me out the door. That would be what they call a "pill mill". Not what I want AT ALL! I want to get better - I want someone to talk to me about ways to feel better like supplements, stretches, diet, anything! And the prescription was just for the fentanyl patch 12 mcg... I was on 25 mcg before. But ok, let's say the patch helps the kidney pain - but what about the fibromyalgia? The patch doesn't do much for that. I still have some Gabapentin but this "doctor" didn't even mention fibro treatment in ANY way. What about breakthrough pain? What if I need lithotripsy again (the urologist said I might need it)... the deal with this pain doc is that I can't get ANY pain meds from any other doctor. So I asked "what do I do if I need more help?" His answer? Just take the vicodin you already have. I have THREE left! I told him that and he just walked away! Walked AWAY!

So yeah, that doctor sucks. I didn't even bother filling the prescription - no way am I staying with this doctor and what's the point of getting more patches when I may have to get off them all over again? If I'd gotten them before I'd run out then sure that would be helpful but now it's just a whole hornet's nest of trouble. I have a follow up appt with my urologist tomorrow - I'm going to ask him what he thinks I should do. Maybe I just need a better PCP - one who will actually help me. I just feel like such a mess. I have no money, no prospects, and whole lot of pain. My dad wants to talk to me about what's going to happen when my lease runs out. As in, where I'll live, what happens to my dogs, etc. I explained that even if I could get a job right now I wouldn't be able to work, heck I can barely walk right now! He understood that but said I still need to figure out where I'm going to live with no money and bad health. So here are my options - live with my crazy mother (I'm not exaggerating - she is bad off) and fight constantly and end up taking care of her because she's just kind of a mess... or, live with my dad and hear every day how I need to get my act together so I can work and pay him back - and probably get lots of lectures about how I wouldn't be in my situation if it weren't for my "choices." In both scenarios I will have to give up my dogs - neither parent wants them around. I love my dogs SO freaking much! SOOO much! They are the only comfort I have right now (well, other than my friends and you guys and my dad who as gruff as he may be is actually being very helpful). I love them so much but I'll have to give them up in a few months if I don't magically get money and better health by then.

I did file for disability and should hear back next month. I'll most likely get denied (that's just how it works) and have to go through an appeal process that could take a year or more. My mom talks about me getting an apt near her - there's these apts that only talk old or disabled ppl. It's super cheap too - but I won't have disability in time. I tell her that and she just says "oh well I prayed for it and I know you'll have disability by then"... don't get me wrong, I so believe in prayer but I also don't think it's like a magic wish dealie. I'd love to believe it will all work out and the stars will align and I can keep my dogs and live on my own but the closer I get to the end of unemployment and my lease, the more terrified I am. This of course doesn't help my health problems and just everything is so freaking overwhelming!

Sorry for the long ramble - just had to vent. I just feel so lost.... and really, really depressed.

Hey Bridget

Your poor lil head is just spinnin on that worry wheel, isn't it? Iknow cause my head goes there too-lol

Like Karen said, slow down and take a deep breath.
Yes, you may have to live w/ Dad for a short while. Get strong again and grab any job you can get, apply for low income housing or section 8, food stamps, TANF....I know there are foster homes for pets when their human is experiencing an emergency...call Humane Society

I would hold on to the script...I was on the patch years ago and it did lessen all my pain somewhat-better than nothing, maybe save them for a bad flare.

Retain anattorney for your disability...it does not cost you anything upfront. Only if you win, which you will but mine took 2 years...some get it a lot quickwe.

hang in there-have been praying for you and it is always darkest just before the dawn!!

Take care
Maggie

I am sure that your dad will understand now. I hope that you get the disability, yes, an attorney would be the way to go. I really hope that you get ti. It takes time though so be patient.

I hope that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen

YAAAAAAHH!! That IS great news Bridgett...I am so glad you have something to focus your energy on, meet folks, be creative...

I have a big smile on my face...I knew you could get thiongs rolling...this might be what makes your life snowball in a postitive way..

Keep us posted and have a wonderful day
Maggie