My Life, By Beagleman... continued...

Hi Stephen,

Sounds wonderful... Happy Valentine's Day!!! Tomorrow actually. Today is my granddaughter's 7th birthday.

Sounds so fun about church. I am glad that you are meeting new people. I guess we have moments of sadness sometimes no matter what. But it should happen less and less for you. If not, you might want to ask about a mood stabilizer. I don't know if they have side effects though. But right now it seems like you are getting better and better. So I think just waiting to see what happens is good. I am so happy that you are feeling joy.

Let us know how Valentines with Flora goes. I am sure she is going to love the gifts that you are going to give her. So keep us posted. Keep up the fantastic work, you really are a great guy Stephen, I hope that you know that...

Hugs, Karen

Oh yes, you will. Especially with no alcohol. As you know that dulls the senses... The cialis is suppose to last longer than the viagra, but I think the viagra works better. Believe it or not, I took a cialis once, it worked for me. lol... Getting too old here... Too many aches and pains. But still think about it. It is good for you. Good for exercise and mental stress. I hope it all works out for you.

Keep us posted. You have really come a long ways Stephen. I am so proud of you.

Hugs, Karen

hey, slow and steady wins the race mate. hang in there, jamie.

Wow Stephen, you are doing great! I am glad that you have acknowledged you may not be with Flora forever. Maybe she feels very strongly about you as well and its anxious for the future, but scared it may not be right. Just remember to always be yourself.

I read that you were still crying sometimes. I think that is normal. I feel better, but still cry sometimes at the oddest things. It may also be happening because of your change in meds... I know sometimes mine has nothing to do with my actual feelings, it's just hormones lol

Best of luck-- I really enjoy reading your posts now!

Courtney

Hello Karen, I havent posted for a few days, I spent most of my weekend with flora. On friday we had a walk on the beach and a dinner. On saturday we went to a movie and later had drinks at her place and stayed the night. I drank too much alcohol, feeling a bit hung over. Ok, tried sex again in the morning, still had troubles with erection, what was different we used no condoms, I think I have anxiety issues,as the medications have improved my erections. Lucky for me flora has been patient.

We had a good time on sunday, we went to the beach, nice day warm to hot, we had 2 swims and some sunbaking, later on we had a meal. Flora has been hinting that she may move out of her unit and share a place with me, she has been asking me questions about my income, my bills, other comitments. If this works it will be good, I know Flora is very vulnerable at the moment, she has poor job prospects and is having difficulties living with her mum. I shared alot with her and in many ways she is happy with what i told her.

So I am addressing my erectile dysfunction, see a specialist in aweek. I am addressing other issues of finances, firstly I am no longer giving any money to my sister, I have given her over $50 000 in the last 10 years. I know I was weak, with low self esteem, I am taking my life back. I have a few other issues I have to tie up before I consider moving out, mainly financial. I know I need to address these issues even if I dont move in with Flora.

I guess I never knew how many things in my life were causing me distress until i started to take action. Thanks Karen, I have a long way to go but you know i have come such a long way, I am still learning. I am looking forward to seeing the sound of music with Flora on friday.

Hello Karen, my sister helen, is the one i have given the money to. my other sister, heather is the one who has supported me so much through my depression, she has helped me alot. Ok, my sister Helen asked me for $700 ,to help her move house, and i was going to do it and said I would, then something clicked in my head and with what little self esteem i have I realised i am not powerless any more, so I made a decision and told helen no more money not now or ever. It was a decision I had to make, and I feel I am getting back my life and some self esteem. I didnt really know how bad my self esteem was until i started to challenge my negative beliefs.

Everyone says slowly, I guess I have taken on all my lifes problems head on, no looking back. I know god has helped me and now certainly through the church I look forward to a lot of friendships. To any others out there facing their fears, it is hard to take action but infinitely harder to do nothing and remain depressed, it is worse than anything in my life. Thanks again Karen and others for supporting me, I love you all.

Thankyou very much for your love, you didnt have to say it, I already knew it from your kindness and compassion but it does mean alot to me. The other day when I finally said no to Helen I thought to myself after a while, i am taking back my life, some self esteem that i lost a long time ago, it is not a feeling of resentment against Helen, i have none, it is a feeling of control, knowledge that I am worthwhile, it is like turning a key.

Ok, last night I seen the sound of music with Flora, it was a good night, although Flora is a bit moody, I drove her to the city, we seen the sound of music and then I took her home, she was tired, has been doing a course. Tomorrow we are going to the beach, this is always good, need more sunscrean. Flora was so nice last night, long kissing, even though she was tired, she makes me very happy.

Hello Karen, me and flora went to the beach today, it was nice, then we had dinner afterwards, wine and then went back to her place. Flora did some tarrot card reading, and some other stuff, and then she played a relaxation file on her phone.

Then I got lucky, we layed next to each other on the bed and relaxing flora noticed i was aroused and she said do you want sex. I said lets try. We tried and this time i was sucessful but didnt last long, but it was good to finally have sex with flora, it felt good. After I came, Flora wanted to have sex again, we tried but I couldnt do it again. To achieve this i have stopped all my depression medixcation effexor and avanza, also taking cialis 20mg. I am seeing a specialist tomorrow about my erectile dysfunction but now know I have suceeded once I feel so much more confidence. I will ask for testosterone injection to lift my libido. Never give up is still my philosophy, I guess i use it alot now, thanks karen for your support and faith in me, it really means alot.

Glad to hear you enjoying life Stephen, keep taking great care of yourself!

Hi Stephen,

Thanks for checking in and letting us know the good news. Believe it, it is true. Isn't in something how things can change in such a short time? I think it is wonderful...

I am not feeling too good today so this is going to be short. I am going through a med change and it is effecting me. Will be stable soon I am sure. So please understand why this is so short.

Keep up the good work Stephen. Keep shining through. You and Flora have some wonderful times ahead of you. You are very lucky and deserve every minute of happiness.

Hugs, Karen

Stephen,

I am so happy for you!!! You can share the good things too on the forum. I think it gives others hope to read of your successes. And I thank you for sharing that. I know you and Flora are going to have a bright future together. I am so happy for that too. I am glad that you two are so close and having such a good time together. And talking about a baby. That is wonderful. Things sound so positive and good.

We have had a winter snow storm. Many people still without power. And may not get power until Tuesday. We were fortunate that we didn't lose it. But we have had to snow blow our way out of things.

I hope that everything continues to be good in your life. Keep us posted when you can. Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Stephen,

Don't look at it as being selfish. You have been learning. And you will continue to learn. We all will. I think when we are depressed, that is all that we can see. You are growing and learning. It is wonderful. Focus on that. One day at a time.

I am glad that Flora has met your parents. That is nice. I bet that they loved her like you do. That is so wonderflul. And don't forget to pat yourself on the back now and then and remember how far you have come. I am glad that you love your parents and are showing it. It does sound like a good thing. Keep on doing what you are doing. Enjoy each day as much as you can. Just take it in and be happy.

We are all very proud of you and very happy for you. You have made it through depression and that is great. Keep up the fantastic work. And keep posting about your happiness. You and Flora enjoy life together.

Hugs, Karen

PS Thank you for asking how I am. I am good. I am a little tired. Went off adderall because of the shortage scare, went on vyvyanse. I am going back on adderall because the vyvanse isn't working as well. But not until after my appointment on the 13th. But hanging on until then, taking it slow and easy... i will be more perky soon.

Hello Lovers spit, I dont know you but you sound very nice. I guess I denied myself a lifetime of love and intimacy and now it means so much to me more than any money or anything in the world. To be in a loving relationship with a woman is so good, it doesnt compare with anything else. Looking forward, no looking back, I guess if i am lucky, me and flora will marry, that is my ultimate goal. We have been only dating since 13 January, so I know it will take time, I also know it may not work out between us. I love flora alot and last week it was good to hear her say she loves me as i had told her many times my feelings. My only issue is after each weekend waiting to see her again. She told me she would like to move in together but is hesitant as she has no stable employment. I am so in love with flora it is intoxicating, and her wish to have a child is my wish. I guess were different in a lot of ways but I find it so easy to get along with flora as she tells me whats on her mind and i listen and learn. It is just a pleasure to make her happy. I think i feel more than the average person, this is probably a good thing as feeling in love is so good for me,