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the lame horse

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Posted 3/12/2012 9:48 AM (GMT 0)
if i were a horse-with all what i have going on you'd put me out of my misery right????
of course you would, you would not let it suffer. but i am suffering. i wish somebody would put
me out of my misery. but no, and why the heck not!!! i am beginning to hate this, and bar 1 other time i have never used the word on the forums, but i hate this. it is crippling me. internally, externally. physically and spiritually. i am a broken man. i HATE this. i want to crawl up and cry. this is getting too much, i have endured too much. i have finally had enough. this aint living. too much @#$% has happened to me, and the heavy kind. too much turmoil, pain, grief, rage and deep sadness as well. !@#$ this!! i can't see properly, my back is killing, my neck hurts, my sugars are stuffed, i am as depressed as hell too. i also am in massive fear regarding the coronial inquest, it is making me shake, have massive gut issues and paranoia. i am so tired, don't know when it was that i had a full nights sleep. longer than a year, easy. at least the sleep dr didn't mess me around and straight told me that he can't help me and that i am too unstable. a sequale of abuse. which means all encompassing. that is the last entry from a four and a half year relationship with the best shrink in this country. he has retired awhile ago. just sick and tired of being continually sick and tired. when will it end. am i lame enough. jamie
Posted 3/12/2012 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jamie,

I am so sorry that you are going through so much right now. I think the thought of the trial is stressing you out. How much longer before that is over? I hate to see you feeling so badly. Know that we all care about you here and hope that things get better.

I am sorry about your sugars. I think that is stress too. It really effected me years ago. I was diabetic then because of stress. But once the stress was over, my sugars came down. So stress is a huge trigger. Try to keep your mind clear and rested. Take care of you first and foremost. Your health. focus on that. You are going to get better I think when the trial is over.

Keep hanging in there for us. We are all here for you Jamie.

You are a good perosn and a good friend.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/12/2012 11:05 AM (GMT 0)
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs 2 u my dear friend))))))))))))))))

and thx. jamie
Posted 3/12/2012 11:12 AM (GMT 0)
Oh sweetie  I am so sorry. If I could take your pain, I would. You HAVE had enuf...and I know the inquest is hanging heavy over you..it is not fair..

Please know that we are here for you (very frustrating that all we can do is write, instead of a hug or a happy hour-lol) PLease write me and vent whenever. It is always darkest before the dawn and I pray that sunshine is coming your way very soon..you deserve good things, remember that my friend.

Love you

Mags

Posted 3/12/2012 2:29 PM (GMT 0)
thank you my dear friend.

****************************HUG********************************* smilewinkgrin

jamie
Posted 3/12/2012 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, don't know why, but I was drawn to your post.  Can I ask you how old you are ?  I am 51, but hey, depression doesn't know age limits.  You are hurting beyond what is possible for a human being.

Please keep in contact with me.  I know what it is like to suffer with depression.

I don't know what has brought you to this point in your life, but I want you to know that you are not alone.  I too am going through the same hell as you.

Please know that, even though you don't know me, I want to be your friend.

Hang on in there.  Please stay in touch via this website.     

Posted 3/13/2012 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
thx one life. turn 40 in oct.

with much healing compassion to you. jamie
Posted 3/13/2012 3:57 AM (GMT 0)
My Sweet Jamie,

I sooooo Hate that you are suffering so bad hun!! I haven't been on in a while because I have been feeling pretty down myself. I want you to know that I think of you often even though I may not be online, you are in my thoughts. You are also ALWAYS in my prayers Jamie. It sounds like sleep is what you need most right now. I hope that you get a good nights sleep very soon. Lack of sleep just seems to drag you down further. I hope that you can get the much needed sleep that you need so that your body can begin to heal.

Blessings, Michelle wink
Posted 3/13/2012 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
thx michelle, feel better soon my friend. with healing compassion to you.
Posted 3/13/2012 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
Jamie:  I"m so sorry that everything keeps getting worst for you.  It sounds like the stress from the inquest is really wreaking havoc on you both physically and mentally.  Have you been able to speak to a lawyer about this yet?  I wish I could do something to truly help you.  If you would like to talk let me know and I can send you my e-mail.

Cass

Posted 3/13/2012 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
thx cass. am talking my options over at present. will advise. hoping your well. jamie

my e-mail is in my profile. with kindness, jamie
Posted 3/14/2012 8:11 AM (GMT 0)
hopefully the therapist has good news friday about the inquest.

love to all, jamie
Posted 3/14/2012 10:42 AM (GMT 0)
I hope so Jamie-please let us know-hearing is the 26th right?

Take care
Maggis
Posted 3/14/2012 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
thank you maggie. yep 26 is correct.
Posted 3/16/2012 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
gosh jamie, i wish things would improve for you, i know you have more than enough on your plate and you are struggling badly. if only i had the answers to lift some of that heavy weight off of your shoulders. take it one hour at a time, keep plugging along, it's all we can do. I am not sure about your inquest stuff, are you able to elaborate on that? if not, that's ok. Many people here care about you so i hope you will stay with us. You are much too young to suffer so much. I am sorry for that. I hope you can get a bit of sleep. I know how hard it is to get by on such little sleep.
Hang tough my friend.

Suzane
Posted 3/16/2012 1:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Jamie

How did therapist and eye doc go? I knwo you were busy today and I hope you made some progress. Thinking about you

Love
Maggie
Posted 3/17/2012 10:23 AM (GMT 0)
thx guys. eye will have to wait. have posted on other stuff.

love you guys, thx, jamie
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