I'm feel overwhelmed, depressed, exhausted, helpless, and hopeless!

I can't shake this deep, dark funk I'm in. Being in chronic pain, unemployable and left home alone all day doesn't help. My family lives in New York State while my wife and I live in Virginia.

We have no friends and don't socialize with anyone else. Since I lost my job due to a work accident, my wife works overtime each day to maintain both our bills. I only see her for a few short hours when she comes home and goes to bed after a quick bite to eat.

I have been sorting through my mounting medical bills and feel simply useless and I o longer have a positive direction. I've had three major surgeries within less than two years and I have one or two more pending my workers comp. case outcome.

I'm currently on three different anti-depressants and I have to wait almost three months to see a Psychologist! I am trying to hang in there...look for the bright side of nothing. I'm actually worth more to my wife dead than alive! Lol.

Sorry, I thought writing these feelings out would help me, but now I've just gone and bothered you. No worries...I just need a time out! No need to worry...

Karen,

Thanks, I fired my lawyer and will see my new lawyer tomorrow to discuss my case. I actually won my case, but now I have to wait 30 days to see if my former employer will appeal the decision. They may want to settle, but screw that...my medical bills are way too expensive and my future medical bills will drain the life out of me as well. Besides, I won the freakin case, why would I want to settle now?

It just sucks that my wife has to put up with the stress and worry over both my medical condition and the finances. I lost my job and career because of the reckless actions of a coworker. My back and neck are so screwed up I couldn't possibly work even a part time desk job! My only choice is to retire and also collect SSD. I was turned down for SSD and so I hired another attorney to help me with that claim as well.

Still, even if financially I am okay, I still have nothing to do that is either productive or satisfying and helps take my mind off my constant pain. I feel trapped in a broken body. I used to love the outdoors, hiking, camping, skiing, etc. Now, going to get my mail from my mailbox is like taking a hike. The medication has all but killed my colon and I already have a bladder disorder. For crying out loud, I'm only 44 years old, but I feel like I'm 95 years old. If wishes were true, all I would wish for is to take back that one moment n time where I was injured. I really enjoyed my job and was looking forward to future promotions. I still had about 13 years left before full retirement.

There are no wishes, no 'what ifs' and no turning back time. I have to believe there was a reason why this happened to me. A purpose to all my suffering. I just don't know, the more I hurt the more I wish it ends...that I end. I keep saying and this is true, 'if I were a horse, I would have been put out of my misery a long, long time ago'. Now tell me that is not the truth!

Please, someone help me make some sense of all this. Help me find a reason or a purpose to everything, anything...

Hey Done

Chronic pain can really ramp up depression. I too suffer CP and depression. I had to resign my job 7 years ago. Americans often define themselves by their work, which can be devastating when we retire or quit. I felt useless and worthless for many years. It sounds like you were raised with a work ethic.

So what now? I cannot even work a part time job because I cannot sit OR stand for more than 15 minutes. My daughter is almost 16, and will go off to college and then what?!?!

Well, I have looked for work that you can work at home online. There are alot of positions out there as customer service, tech supporrt, writing online articles (I just signed up for a few of those) You sound articulate and hard-working. Start searching for something you CAN do. Many states have programs to train and find work for folks like us. I am approaching retirement age so noone wants me but you are still young.

In the meantime, are ther any volunteer agencies you feel strongly about? I became a CASA volunteer, a child's legal advocate. We also trimmed down on possessions, sold our boat and a few lots to subsidize. We have sold alot on Ebay Local. Just a few suggestions.

I know it hurts when you see your partner working so hard and you feel helpless, but you are not. You ARE the same person, just a little dinged up-lol. Try to stay positive. I felt better just looking for something to do. I amsure you are helpful at home, which takes stress off your wife. You will find a niche.

I hope your case will be resolved soon and SSD will pay back pay to date of disability, so better times will come soon. I would listen to any settlement offers because that phase needs to end. It would provide dollars and create less stress for you.

Best of luck-keep us posted

Maggie

Hi Jinx,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am sorry for your situation. And I am glad that your son's care so much to call you daily. That really helps a lot. I hope that the new drug works for you. Do keep us posted. You have come to a good place. Everybody is sso kind and understanding here.

I hope that you can keep your depression in check. I have fibromyalgia sso I know how chronic pain is depressing. I have been through it.

Keep posting when you can. I know it is hard for you. Take care...

Hugs, Karen