My Life By Beagleman (Stephen) Continued...

Hello all, for people that dont know me i am 49 and live in sydney, Australia. Here is my history. about 16months ago i started to develop major depression, mainly due to my circumstances, firstly major changes in my work and secondly but most importantly lack of any relationship. Finally when life for me became so sad and full of despair i looked for help and started getting treatment firstly medication and then counselling.

My depression over the last 12 months then got dramatically worse and then i was admitted to a psychiatric centre to treat my depression. Medications for me did very little, i felt so desperatley lonely i would cry and shake for hours in total despair. Then over the next few months i tried speed dating and for the first time in my life I got a date.

Since that first date 13 january 2012, a date i will never forget forever, I immediatley fell in love, flora took several weeks to fall in love and only about 2 weeks ago told me she loved me. So my story is now about healing, learning every time I meet flora more about relationships, love, intimacy, life skills, commitment, courage to face your fears, never ever giving up no matter how much despair you have, and knowing that dreams can be realised you just have to believe. Something else that was good on January 1, 2012, returned to church after 30 years, and some people prayed for me, that i would find a partner and then it happens, god loves me so much to give me what my heart desires.

My future, i am going on hoildays on monday with flora to vanuatu for a week. After this, I am uncertain, but we have discussed future posibilities, living together, marriage and housing, and employment, and also most importantly to flora her hearts desire to have a child which i would also love to have dearly. So my life has been topsy turvy, from extreme sadness to much hapiness. My psychologist asked me why did I wait so long to seek a relationship and I dont know, but I do know I was starving for love so much it was sending me insane.

Last time at floras place i was there for 4 days. It was a great time, but unfortunately for me I got the flu (cold). I was sneezing, coughing, shivering and flora was so kind, she gave me hot milk and honey, took me to the doctor and gemerally pampered me.

On a personal note flora taught me more about sex. She showed me what she like What is so good about flora she does not criticise you, she just tells you what she wants and how you can make her happy, this I find is so good, it just makes it so easy to get along with her. She makes me so happy, I just want to make her happy.

I am looking forward to our trip, on monday will be flying to Vanuatu for a week. I must say I am starting to gain more confidence in my life, i have come a long way, but I am not static, I am still learning and facing more challenges. I have been off all antidepressant medication for about 2 months and feel i am going well. Thanks Karen for your support, motivation, and believing in me, it reaffirms my own self belief.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/31/2012 6:25:58 AM (GMT-6)

hello Karen, my holiday to vanuatu was great, sunny everyday except for the last day. it was good for me, gave us time to sort out a few issues and we had a few minor minor arguements. I love Flora a lot and she loves me alot, we are trying to work out best when to move into together and I feel more relaxed with her, she is now less urgent about moving in and sharring a place. Flora i guess was feeling a bit insecure or afraid of losing me as I was also feeling insecure.

We enjoyed our holiday and talked about goals, having a baby, work, where to live. Flora is so loving of me and I love her also, she gives me hints all of the time of what she likes and makes it easy for me to please her. Even though I am not a good lover or even very good looking she sees past this a very loving man.

I havent posted for a while as I got a bug, giardia, probably from vanuatu, and after about 9 days of diarohoe I am starting to feel better. My only anxiety now is about money, but I know I will suceed with flora as I am determined to have her and she wants me too. She tells me she loves me so much. Thanks heaps Karen, life is to short to miss out on love.

stephen

Hello karen, I hope you are feeling better too. Something different, my dad decided to hand his driving licence in and no longer drives. Now he wants to ride a bicycle and today I helped him to relearn balance on a bike. I bought my sister some duty free alcohol, a bottle of bailies, I must admit i am getting along much better with my sister. Just had more of the runs while typing this post, I should get results back from pathology in 2 days, reference my stomache bug. Goodnight Karen, going to bed, I am tired, thanks again, life is worth living, love is worth sharing.