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Depression
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Posted 5/4/2012 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
I feel like i am out of options right now. I have been stuck in this depression since january. I am so worn out and feeling so alone. I finally went to the doctor for help and they put me on something for depression and anxiety. She also gave me a few names of people to go talk to but i cant make the call to go see them. I just dont know what to do anymore. I pushed everyone out and now i dont know how to get them back. My family wont even really talk to me because i am a lesbian and they cant accept that. I am engaged to an amazing girl. we have been together for about 2 years now and i still love her but things are so hard right now. I end up taking everything out on her because she is all i have. I just feel so lost and alone because now she hardly talks to me because we always end up talking about the same thing. So i am pushing away the only person in my life who really and truly loves me. I just dont know what to do
Posted 5/4/2012 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
It took me days and days to finally make the call for help. I would sit there with the phone book open, and go full throttle into a panic attack. But I finally did it, and it helped. You can do it.
Posted 5/4/2012 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
Lonelyone,

You need to make that call. Reach out and get the ball rolling. You will be glad that you did. The extra support of a counselor is so important. Please do that for yourself. It could save your relationship.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/4/2012 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
Well I think you did a great thing by asking for someone to talk with here; even on a forum if you`re not ready for a councillor or what not and little by little you`ll make it to call someone. Dont get down on yourself if you cant do it right away. One step at a time. One point I would like to make though is finding support is so important and you are not alone. I am happy to talk with you. Sometimes an extra head is helpful to come up with solutions or look at life from a different perspective. I am new to this so bear with me if I am slow to reply. But every step you take is worth being proud of yourself. Usually the first steps are the harder ones. Thanks for sharing :)
Posted 5/4/2012 8:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi CuriousKitty,

Welcome to the depression forum and thanks for your post.

I hope that you are having a good day today.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/4/2012 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen, I hope you are well too. I am new to this and just looking for ways to support others. Often that is a lot of what we need to get through medical challenges in life. thanks for your note :)
Posted 5/4/2012 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Kitty - sadly, there are -- as you know -- many families who do not accept LGBT people. It is a prejudice that I hope will erode and eventually disappear, but is still around. Not much you can do if your family is that way. Hopefully they will see the light. But for now you just need to look after yourself and the valuable relationship that you have. Make the call. Get some counseling. Tell the girl to whom you are engaged that you are going through a tough time, that you feel badly about taking it out on her and that you will try not to do that, that you love her and she is important to you, that you want to be there for her just like she is for you, and that you are going to get some counseling to deal with your problems. Best wishes, Medved
Posted 5/5/2012 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
Good luck to you. I hope you are able to find some help and get better. I look at and sometimes post on the diabetes and ulcerative colits boards, but I've been depressed for years. I figure my wife will finally reach the point where she'll snap after getting tire of dealing with my depression and she'll just club me upside the head while I sleep....but, seriously, get some help and be well! God bless you!
Posted 5/5/2012 5:25 AM (GMT 0)
hello kitty.
i had to write to you i too feel alone and at a loss. i can,t talk about certain things here so we will let it be at that.
my daughter is also a lesebian [i know i spelled it wrong sorry fibro fog] what i wanted to tell you is if my daughter was dating a bear i would still love her.her sex life is her bussiness .i love her no matter who or what [lol] she is with I,M HER MOTHER!
i fel as no one ever listens to me yes i know i,m an ill person i also know dogs get put down when there in this shape.why do we have to suffer so much? only god knows the answer to that my friend.
keep your head up and find somone to talk to you who will listen.i hope you have better days ahead.
kathy
Posted 5/5/2012 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
Lonelyone,

I am in the exact same boat you are in with a wife I love very much and all I feel like doing is telling her how bad I feel, crying on her shoulder, etc. I have found that I can also go a different route and express love and gratitude to her. Sometimes I just thank her for being there, and I try to do nice things for her whenever I can. I even wrote her a letter telling her what she means to me, bascially all the things I feel about her but never say. It might also be good to find other things to talk to her about, even though you might not feel like it, you still would be sharing moments with the one you love.

I also totally get the pushing friends away, seems like all the self help books tell you to keep in touch, stay connected, hang out with your friends. I'm not sure that's always right, I've tried it and sometimes it's good other times not so good. I hopefully will be out of hell before too long and I can reconnect then. 

Posted 5/5/2012 8:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much for your replies.
It is amazing how much of a difference it makes to just know that others understand what i am going through. I think joining this forum was one of the best things i have done for myself in a while.
After i posted this I ended up leaving early for work and just sitting in my car till it was time to go in, then working through my fog to take care of customers. I came home in the same mood i left then i got on here.
I dont know why but just seeing the replies helped me feel not so alone.
Today i have actually had a pretty good day. I got up determined to try my best to not let myself get down and so far I am ok.
Again thank you all so much
Posted 5/5/2012 9:01 PM (GMT 0)
I am happy that you had a better day and that you feel coming here helped you to feel better too.

Keep working on it, one day at a time. That is really all anybody can do. Take care, and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/6/2012 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Why cant a good day just last? I hate getting pulled back down over and over again. I want control back. I dont even know why i am posting this. I just wish i knew how to keep myself up and stay ok.
Posted 5/17/2012 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
I just need some advice. I have been on escitalopram 10mg for a month now and my doctor wants me to also start taking Mirazapine 30mg ever night before i go to sleep.
I have not been sleeping good at all but i am able to wake up in the morning and function.
I have also lost a lot of weight. I have always been under weight but this time she is actually worried about how much i have lost. She says i need to gain at least 50 pounds to be at a good weight for me.

I just finally started feeling a little better and i am nervous about taking this as well. I feel like i am just starting to get a little control over my emotions and i am afraid this will mess it all up. But at the same time I am still not ok. My anxiety is still awful and there are still times when everything seems to be falling apart and i have no control.
Any advice?
Should i go ahead and start taking it or what should i do?
Posted 5/17/2012 11:20 AM (GMT 0)
There could be a chance you arent getting quality sleep. I can sleep forever and still be tired. I would try the new med. It may bring down anxiety so you can gain some weight back. I sure do hope it works for you.

I would try it. You can always stop.

Take care, and I hope that you feel better.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/18/2012 2:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi lonelyone, happy you have found this great forum. You will find many good people here. When I am feeling like you are, I find any book I have never read. A book that didnt seem good turns out to be a treasure. At times my mind keeps going a mile a minute, so I have to try very hard to keep concentrating. I dont suggest a book about depression. I do suggest coming to this forum of new friends. Just the physical act of typing your post makes you feel better. I make jewelry, now I have neuropathy in my hands just like my feet and its very hard to work with beads. My animals keep me happy. such unconditional love they give. I have 2 cats and a dog. They are my babies. I know some people dont understand the bond between humans and their pets. I just think they are missing such an opportunity, just like a miracle drug....any way lonely, glad you found us. Call that number to get some medical care. Have a great night....Cathy
Posted 5/18/2012 2:23 AM (GMT 0)
Cathy,

Thanks for the lovely post. I use to make jewelry too. My arthritis makes it hard. You said some lovely things about the forum. That is nice to hear. I have a dog too. I love her to death. She is a brat, but I know she loves me too. Just a little seperation anxiety for both of us when I have to leave. lol...

I am sure that your post is going to help Lonely.  Thanks for posting...

Hugs, Karen

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