Alone

Does anyone ever feel like the worm on the hook at the end of the fishing line, and who they want to be with, is at the other end of the fishing rod being held by the person who is fishing with the fishing rod.

I don't know if that question makes any sense.

I have basically been alone all my life.

Yes I have lived with my parents, but they have no idea of the emotional pain I feel when I am emotionally rejected on account of my health problems.

Yes I have been married(1992-2000). But my (ex)wife couldn't grasp the concept of marriage when saying her marriage vows. She finally admitted four years after I divorced her, that she had emotional problems. When we were married, she hoodwinked the immediate family members into believing I was the only problem in the marriage.

Yes I was engaged(2002-2007). My (ex)fiance had a host of problems from her past that she used against me to lie to the authorities

I know I am sounding like a broken record. I am just so alone.

Sorry for rambling.

Post Edited (Chris516) : 7/11/2012 2:26:54 AM (GMT-6)

Thank you Karen, My (ex)wife still thinks she can just hug n' kiss me, regardless of the fact we are divorced. I divorced her for a reason. So when she hugged n' kissed me at our son's high school graduation last month, I was not happy. I had divorced her twelve years ago. But that same inappropriate behavior is still a problem. I am not being biased towards my ex-wife. But saying that, I thought she would have learned something about not behaving inappropriately by now.

In terms of my (ex)fiance, I was never arrested or received a warning.

I am hard on myself because, while I could definitely be more discerning in what woman I would want to be involved with, my own physical health problems are a key factor. My (ex)wife said she could accept them, but told me a year after we separated, that she had always wanted my health problems to "just go away". My (ex)fiance didn't think the way my (ex)wife did. But instead, while she could deal with my physical health problems, emotionally, she kept 'diagnosing' me. She did this, even though she is not even a clinician.

Post Edited (Chris516) : 7/12/2012 10:48:16 AM (GMT-6)

Karen, I have been in 5yr.(Friday will be our fifth anniversary) long distance relationship with a woman that lives out in New Mexico. She has accepted me without question. The key is she has OCD. While I have thought of ways to re-direct her OCD(instead of treating the OCD like it was meat and I was tenderizing it, just to stop a compulsion), so it possibly could relieve some of the stress from the OCD. The lack of communication gets to me.

I was even accused of having 'White Knight Syndrome', by someone(not you) on this website. Since I have health issues and want to be accepted romantically, why would I not want to be accepting of someone else that has a disability.

Post Edited (Chris516) : 7/12/2012 7:42:49 AM (GMT-6)

It wasn't in this forum, I don't think.

I am still dealing with emotional rejection on account of my health like I said, when I started this 'thread'. I was even feeling suicidal all morning. I did talk to my fiance today. But only for 30mins.. Tomorrow(July 13) is our five year anniversary. But I still feel alone.

I feel like life holds me at arms length.

Post Edited (Chris516) : 7/12/2012 9:09:45 PM (GMT-6)

Yes, It could be, because she is sick. I still don't know, whether she is going to survive, or not. That has me sad all the time.

I will try enjoy my anniversary.