Hi Cheerdad,
I know it's tough to have a disease that requires so much time and energy to just to try and keep it under control. When there is no cure. It's a never ending battle. And even tough others in the world may be worse off then you, we are all humans and all have emotions and believe me what is going on with your health is a big deal to you and in so many ways devestates your life. You know my story and I am so far from being out off the woods. I am constamtly thinking daily that my life could easily die at the drop of a hat. I have my blood drawn daily here at home and get the call that my blood is still way to think and even with the cumedin it's not getting thinner, so it's not breaking down that bllod clot in my heart and lung. Not to mentionmI have crohn's to. but you know my story. I have so much anger as well, everytime I put anything in my mouth including water I am in constant unbearable pain. I talk to my stomach in anger pointing to my tummy saying what the heck is this, this is not what you are suposed to be doing, it's not normal not to eat..I have been on TPN 24/7 for nearly a year. It has been a whole year may 20th since I[ve actually had a meal. I run the gamit on emotions, I've been in the hospital 5 times this year. Have blood transfusions every two week, It's crazy all the things that are continueing to happen to me. I am having to face the fact that my life could very easily end at any moment. My life is so far fro normal... I mean my house used to be so clean, spotless, My clothes were pressed and hung up, I could cook dinner and keep house and go places and on vacations. but not anymore, I am home all the time. They come to take my blood every other day. I have home health nurse visits, I have iv pumps in my family room, boxes of medicL SUPPLIES AND TPN AND VITIMAN BAGS IN MY FRIDG. mY HUSBAND has to endure all of this and still go to work daily and wonders every time he leaves the house is he going to come home and find me dead. My son says the same thing, infact when my son comes in at 1 am after work and I am sleeping on the couch he always comes over to me to make sure I am breathing. My husband checks on me all the time. I can so relate to your depression, frustation and anger. I didn't sign up for this...But these are the cards I was dealt, I have to just pray and understand that God uses everything for good.. I don't pretend to understand what God is doing, but I have to have fatih that he knows what he's doing.. I am always around to talk to. It's good for all of us to vent, get pissed of, cry or scrream. What ever it is to make this life and the pain more tolerable... I hope you have a better day my friend.. You will be in my prayers as I know that I am in your prayers. I appreciate that you wonder about how I am doing and that you have an interest in all of us who are just pushing through each day... Take good care Cheerdad... We have alot more stength than we sometimes give ourselves credit for... Be well... Donna