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GIRLFRIEND MAJOR DEPRESSION ..NEED HELP..PLEASE

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Posted 8/5/2012 5:44 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, I am here cause my Girlfriend  I'm pretty sure she is in a major depression..  I don't know what to do.. Ireally had no clue what depression really was til about 2 months ago..  My Girlfriend an I been together for nearly 6 years. We live far apart but we always made it work. 2 months ago she said she wanted a ' break"  we're not broke up she just needs a "break" was her exact words..which I wasn't to happy about.. But since I love you I went along with it.. Now she rarely emails me back an she never picks up the phone when I call. She said she needs time to think an sort things out..an she doesn't know what her future holds. but she always puts herself down. I email her positive emails an let her know I love her no matter how bad or good things are going. I tell her all the time we are a team an I am here for her. I don't think she believes me. She will sometimes say that  she hates not emailing me back but if she emailed me back it would give the impression she wanted to commucate an she doesn't want to be bothered by anyone.. I am hurting inside cause I want to help her cause when she is hurting I am hurting..  She won't go to the Dr's to get  checked out.. I have sent emails that explains depression an I sent youtube videos that have dr's explaining what depression is an how to treat it.. she never replies back.. She keeps thinking one day she will wake up an this feeling she is having will gone away on it's own.. I kindly tell her that with depression it simplely won't happen that way..That she needs to seek help an the longer she waits the worse it will get. I worry about her every day almost every minute of the day.. I was suppose to go see her for her birthday an when I emailed her to make sure it was still alright to come see her.. she rejected my offer to come see her ..She said she didn't want any company an she never accomplished anything in her life an she was pathetic.. I replied back with a loving email an listed 11 things she accomplished that I knew of an kept anything to do with me out of the things she accomplished.. She thanked me for my thoughtfuliness but said she just wanted to be alone.. So to respect her I stayed home.. It kills me not to be with her an I offered to take a leave from work an be there with her but she declined my offer.. Can someone please advise me what to do??? I love her with all my heart an this kills me inside.. I am sure she loves me but her thought pattern right now doesn't allow her to express that to me.. Thanks to anyone who wants to help me out....

Posted 8/5/2012 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
I think that the best thing you can do is encourage her to get help and give her the space that she asks for. Often people with depression need the space to sort things out. Have faith that she will still be there in the end.

Even though she accomplished things that didn't have anything to do with you, she still did good. Praise her for that. She has to have her own life and you two meet in the middle. It takes work on both parts. While she is taking care of her, you should work on you. You sound a little insecure. You could work on that. Have faith that everything will work out for you for the best.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/5/2012 6:18 PM (GMT 0)
How do I encourage her to get help if she doesn't think she needs it? I am iinsecure but this relationship never made me feel insecure til the depression thing creeped on to scene. I know in my heart that she wouldn't ever cheat she isn't that kinda woman.. I am insecure cause I don't know if this depression will take over her an end our relationship... she has has accomplished things that had to do with me but I left them out on purpose.. I did tell her after I listed the 11 things that she has accomplish she will have many more things in the future an I was very proud of her btw thank you for your reply
Posted 8/5/2012 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Alscopr

the best thing you can do to encourage her is to educate yourself on depression. Thank way you know what she is going through. Although without her going to a doctor for a diagnosis, it is just a guess that depression is all there is.

If you could contact a friend or family member near her that could convince her to go or go with her, that would be a choice.

Trina
Posted 8/5/2012 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Trina, I have educated myself for the last 2 months about depression.. that is one reason I am so hard on myself for not doing it sooner so I could have helped her more when she was still able to talk to me about things... I didn't an she didn't know she was depressed.. She don't have any real friends no one I can trust to tell this to an not mock or make fun of her.. I want to call her mom about it,but I am not sure her mom is going to take it as serious as it is an that for sure will put the nail in the coffin so to speak on our relationship cause My Girlfriend will be super mad I have her Mom worried over nothing...
Posted 8/5/2012 7:45 PM (GMT 0)
How did she get the depression diagnosis? By her doctor? Or are you both assuming she has depression? It sounds like you are afraid that this is out of your control, but believe me, depression is. You can't control what she is doing. And you can't control how she feels. I really think the best thing you can do is to step back and let her heal. Let her know that you are always there for her. And know that you didn't cause this depression. If she doesn't think she is depressed, then you are the one thinking she is. Did a doctor say she was?

You are kind of going back and forth on this. Is it because she doesn't think she is depressed? Have you thought of getting help in dealing with this situation? It might be an idea. I hope it all works out for you. Just remember, you can't control this. She does have to work it out for herself. But you can work on you in the meantime.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/5/2012 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
Getting By
I am trying to be as pleaseant as possible an I wouldn't be here if she wasn't depressed... How did she get depressed? her dad passed away suddenly 2 years ago an she can't let that go did a dr say she was depressed? I have said before she won't go to dr to get diagnosis. How do i know she is depressed by all the things she is saying an doing according to all the depression sites an dr. online explaining depression she is depressed...

she has told me she don't feel like herself
she has told me she feels boxed in nothing has meaning

she has told me this isn't my fault she need time to sort things out
she has told me she don't like not emailing me back kills her as much as it kills me but she don't feel like talking to no one
she has told me that she is a failure.
she has said a few time she wish she wasn't born
she has said she that her life is hopeless
she has lost interest in things she liked an she didn't want to do anything for her birthday but stay home by herself..
she won't tell me what is wrong cause she says no one cares about her an no one cares to hear her problems

I am in desperiate need of real help for her .. I know this depression in her is out of control an it will only get worse if someone can't help me figure out a way to get her to see she needs to seek medical attention... btw she hasn't admitted to me she is depressed but I can read between the lines by her actions an words to figure it out on my own..She is Depressed
Posted 8/5/2012 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know what there is that we can do for your situation. As long as she wont admit that there is depression going on and she wont get help, there isn't much you can do to change that. She is her own person. She makes her own decisions. If she is accomplishing things as she said she is and she is happy about this, then what can you do??? Maybe she doesn't want to be with you anymore and doesn't know how to say it.

I am glad you are being as pleasant as possible, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Posted 8/5/2012 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Getting by Maybe you need to not reply to my post.. SHE IS NOT FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE SAID SHE has NOT ACCOMPLISHING ANY THING IN 40 SOME YEARS HER WHOLE LIFE.. she is not happy she is very unhappy with the way she is feelingMAYBE YOU SHOULD RE READ MY POST BEFORE YOU START "HELPING" You have done nothing by turn this back on me since you start posting..I know what is going with her that is why I am here looking for help.. If you can't help don't post.. end of story..you have now really pee'd me off...
Posted 8/5/2012 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Can't you see that there is nothing that you can do in this situation? When she told you she wanted to take a break, that is what she wanted. Have faith in her. You can't control anybody and that is what you are trying to do. She doesn't want that. If she wants help she will get it, but if she doesn't want help, then there is nothing you can do. You can't see outside the box right now. If she is unhappy, only she can do something about it. You can't fix her.
Posted 8/5/2012 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not trying to control her I am trying to figure out a way to get her to realize that this feeling she is having is medical not just a feeling she will snap out of... She is thinking she will snap out of it an she won't .. She needs medicine to feel better..
Posted 8/5/2012 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
alscopr,

venting your frustrated anger at people trying to give you helpful advice only shows that you also, need some help.

Nothing will help your girlfriend until she is ready to seek out that help! IF you really educated your self on depression and mental illness you would know this.

Please calm yourself. Remember we can always try to influence a persons choices, guide them in what we think they should do. In the end we can not control their actions. NOBODY can control anyone elses actions.

At some point you will have to let go and see where she leave this relationship. It may not be to your liking, but that is life. We don't always get what we want. We don't always get to be the hero.

Take time to be quite with yourself and find out what it is that you need, so still the anger in you.

You can't fix her, but you can fix you.
Posted 8/6/2012 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
Yes I am very angry.. getting by was saying things that wasn't true an pointing the finger back at me more then once..Yes I am very angry this depression has taken over my girlfriend.. Yes I am very angry she won't get the help she needs.. No I won't give up on my girlfriend..I promised her I would always be there for her thru good an bad..I am a man of my word.. Guess no one understands what I am going thru so why did I even bother asking for help?????? I thought maybe someone who lived thru depression could have told me what she may be feeling..guess that was to much to ask..
Posted 8/6/2012 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
Alscopr,

I'm a woman that have been recently dignosed with major depression. I've been feeling very sad all the time and having a lot of stress for almost a year before I realized that I needed medical help. Of course when you start a depression, you just don't run to the doctor's office to get drugs!! Nobody that have depression wants to take medication! When you realize that you're not well, you try to see if it will resolve by itself. Then you try different things to see if it helps like asking for space and spend some time with your ownself to try and listen to your body. Trying to see what are the reasons you feel that way and try to solve them. I'm in a 10 year relationship, we are living together and you know what, I asked my spouse to let me alone and let me deal with my feelings. He can't do anything for me because I'm the only one who can fix my problems. I take meds for the last 3 months and doing therapy and I did all of this by myself and I don't want anybody in my family or my spouse to tell me what to do for my depression. I'm in contol and that is it.

So the only advice I can give you is to let her be. You have sent her some information on depression, that is good and if she needs you, she will tell you. In the mean time, let her know that you will respect her desire to take a break, and that you will stop contacting her so she can have her peace and that you stand by if she ever needs you for anything, you will always be there. Then respect that and have faith in her. She will pull through and probably by herself.

Take care
Posted 8/6/2012 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Alscopr,

As you can see everybody is giving you the same advice. To give her the space she needs to get well. We have all been depressed but are trying to help you to understand. Depression really sucks. And it is hard to get through. Try to have patience with her and hopefully she will come back to you. The only reason I suggested counseling for yourself is so that you can understand what she is going through. I hope you understand.

Hugs...
Posted 8/6/2012 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
Alscopr,

As Karen has said we have all been through this cycle. You have come to the right place for the answer. It just not what you wanted to hear.
Life is like this sometimes.

You must realize you can fix everything. There are many things in this world that are out of our control. If you have a higher power, this would be a good time to seek guidance from that source. Prayer, meditation, etc...

Some one once said "if something is your and you let it go it will come back to you. If it doesn't, then it was not yours to keep, only to share."

You need to give her space if that is what she is asking me at this time.

Trina
Posted 8/6/2012 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your advise.. I am sorry to have snapped.. I to am under alot of stress it's been 2 months since we talked on phone.. I got a text from her last day of may "Hope you have a good day I love you.. "June 1st she wouldn't answer her phone an hasn't since... So what was I to think? when I first emailed she would write stuff I need space I am not punishing you .. It's not you it's me.. So now 2 month later I even feel more rejected...
Posted 8/7/2012 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
Rejection hurts, but it is growing pains. Most of the time it is nothing personal, the other person just wants to move on. Honestly, you probably, dodged a bullet.

Try to enjoy the rest of your summer. Life is too short.
Posted 8/13/2012 6:51 AM (GMT 0)
I haven't read all the posts but I myself am on anxiety and depression..my hubby says he can tell when I haven't taken my meds for 2 days cause I ran out..either let her be or try to get her to go to the doctor for therapy or counseling..has something triggered it recently..I have a friend who just had a miscarriage and she is in such a deep stag of depression as I am also..getting online for me helps..I hope she's OK for your sake..have u asked her to go to counseling maybe 1 time see how it goes..if not she's really blowing u off maybe she just doesn't no how to help herself..but also be careful look for signs of her harming herself..depression makes u feel very weird not wanting to talk to anyone, stay to yourself..I was sexually abused as a child and I believe that's were all my depression comes from..best of luck..
Posted 8/13/2012 11:39 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mommytater,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad you have posted and shared. Do keep posting and know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/13/2012 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thank u getting by..I've had a lot of issues on myself and I'm just starting to just look other place es..Haha maybe this is my therapy instead of paying 20 for Co pay..LOL..
Posted 8/13/2012 12:55 PM (GMT 0)
Posting here does help, as you get responses from others going through the same things you are. I too had past issues that effected me for a long time. I feel I have gotten past that and now want to live my life. We all strive for that. Keep posting here and know we care. Feel free to start your own thread about yourself if you would like to.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/14/2012 6:40 AM (GMT 0)
I have had depression for at least 20 yrs. I started young lol and yes it does sound like she is in a major depression!! I pushed everyone away, I wouldn't answer my phone didn't want anyone around. I guess I'm different then everyone else but u need to go see her, talk her into going for walks and getting out of the house!!! Continue to email her every day don't mention the depression just let her know u care that u understand her and want what's best for her. We push ppl away but really we want someone there maybe not all the time but she needs to know u haven't just walked off bc of the way she's acting!! She needs to know u care!! Send her flowers things like that. She mainly needs to get out tho!!
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