Even my dog doesn't like me...

I know that sounds stupid but this is out of control. This is not who I am supposed to be. Even the stupid dog likes everyone else better than me - and he is my dog!!!

This just can't be normal and although I feel like hell I think that I am still rational.

Rationally I need help - soon. Irrationally, that would require me to find someone to help, take a shower, go see that person and then try to not spend the entire hour trying to make them feel better.

How can I be irrational and rational at the same time?

And how come that stupid dog (MINE) likes everyone else better??

Bad day.

dammy

hey dammy we are here for you.

Are you taking anything for the depression? Are you getting any help professionally. I know that both of these treatments are vital for me to sort through much of the feelings I am having and more importantly the feelings I ignored most of my life. It is far better to learn how to recoginze these feelings and work through them healthily rather than bury them inside to rot and poison the person inside. Good luck and know I am here when you need me.

Randy -

I have taken I think all of the anti-depressants in the past and none really help. I do have some prozac and someone is bringing it to me tonight.

I am not seeing anyone right now. I have done that in the past as well and I spend the entire hour trying to entertain the therapist. That sounds stupid but I rationalize that they must have heard horrible things all day so I, for some inexplicable reason, think that I should be their comic relief!!

Thank you both for the support. It means a lot.

Just having a rough day.

dammy

I have decided to call the dog (whose name has been Truman for 2 years) Norm. As on Cheers. As he is too lazy to do anything but lie on the couch (which is funny since I am too lazy to do anything but lie on the bed) so if we could just agree on a laying place it would probably be OK. Anyway, besides being lazy Norm also always seemed to forget about the one person, Vera (me) who loved him the most. Prozac arrived today (brought by my "Norm's" favorite "Uncle"
I might add so now I am taking an anti depressant - again. I take Xanax also to try and calm me from having seizures (but I found if you take 2 instead of 1 you can fall asleep and pretend) Not Recommended. Maybe Prozac will at least make me skinny again!
I know rationally that I should go talk to someone. I know rationally that they are there to listen to my problems. I know rationally that they too have a life and have spent the day listening to a lot of sob stories, some needed to be heard and some were just people needing someone to yell at. Rationally I know all of that. Rationally I know that they too need a break. Irrationally, I think I should be it. I spend the hour trying to make them laugh. It is not like school where I am trying to be the "favorite mentally ill" one. I just don't want them to hear all this stuff from people and get depressed themselves.
It is like playing ping pong inside my head - Rational? Irrational?
The good news is that I just got a lead on a work at home job that sounds like something I would really want to do - but I don't know if they want someone who telecommutes and really commuting, besides being illegal right now for me, isn't rational.
My bf/domestic partner - whatever you call him - said the nicest thing to me today (now yesterday). He is the one who sees all of this but he knows that he is the reason that I am in this town (he got a better job). He said "If it will make you happy I will go home (being mine as we are in his home) and chop wood for the rest of my life." This from a stockbrocker! OOPS - financial planner.
I took the Prozac around 8 - now I am up.
I know this is irrational but I almost wish that I had bipolar disorder rather than jujst depression - at least then I could vacuum!
See you all later.
Thanks for listening.
Norm (Truman) says hi to all the pets out there.
dammy

Hi dammy
All the wise councel above regarding meds and therapists is as always excellent. I've just had my first councelling session and although it was difficult I found it really useful. I know what you meadn about the 'entertaining' it was hard to really open up - It took a while for me to realise that by trying to 'entertain' I was simply avoiding talking about the issues.

As for Norm - making him go walkies is good - I'd try pictures of Lassie to inspire him to be more helpful. Definitely no way should the dog have your bed - unless he wears appropraite night ware. I have 2 cats, Mercury and Che - Murcury is brill when I'm a bit down, sits on my knee and licks me. Che (male) wouldn't notice if my butt was on fire - and it's a big butt!

hope things improve soon

Luv and hugs

Stumpytroll

Yes. Taking him for walks would be a good idea but if I was into good ideas I probably wouldn't be feeling like this!!
I know that is stupid.
I know he is depressed but all you have to do is ring the doorbell for his tail to start wagging - there is no doorbell in my world and I don't really remember the last time my tail wagged.
I'll really think about finding someone to talk to - promise - but I don't know. You are right Rosie, I don't wan't to talk about me so I do something else. What is worse is after the first session then it is almost expected of me to be entertaining.
I think that a lof of is that I just moved and I am stuck here. I can't drive so it is not like I can go get my hair done (ok I probably wouldn't do that anyway but you know what I mean). My parents (one 85 and one 65 with one leg) are still dependent. My dad called me at 7:30 yesterday morning because he was in a fight with the post office. He couldn't hear all the "press 1, press 2" crap and was upset that he was going to not be able to finish some stupid "United We Stand" stamp collection. So I, the rational one, called the white house (btw they don't sound very happy working there either) to figure out who the "head honcho" was in the post office. It all got worked out but he coudn't do it alone. He is going out of town the end of this month for a while -so I move back home because what if my mom falls? It makes for a strange world.
My boyfriend and I just got one of those magic bullets that you see on TV. The one that dices, slices, chops and whatever else. I went to bed last night with a pineapple and kiwi smoothie and woke up to "BUZZ' he is making something else (I don't know what). Smoothies are fine and all but they are for fruit. Last night he concocted some spinach, parsley, lord knows what else pea green looking then "slammed it." He reasoned that it was full of antioxidants. I told him I was going to go smoke a cigarette (which I am sure tasted much better). I don't know how much fruit and vegetables a body can take. He thinks that it is making his hair grow back in. I told him to stop and get fried chicken for dinner. Maybe I should envy his optimism about stuff - like his hair growing in - but, like my father, I am the pessimistic one.
Shouldn't there be a spell checker on this thing??
Sorry to rant - at least I am not raving?
Thanks for listening.
dammy

Rosie -
But giving other people happiness is SO much easier!!!! Just like you helped Frankie the loud whisperer - it is easier than trying to help yourself.
The veggie juice may be good for me but it looks like hell. Don't they just make a pill that has all that stuff in it?? The fruit ones are pretty good though. You can buy the magic bullet on tv but we got it at Walgreen's - on tv there is a $30 shipping charge.
BF is good - a pain sometimes - but a good guy. He is a recovering alcoholic so he kind of understands what I am going through plus I moved to this town for him so I think he feels a little guilty which is kind of good for me (a little guilty, not a lot). He is willing to take me anywhere I want to go - I just don't really want to go.
Helping my parents is part of the deal for me - I think that is what happens when your dad is 56 when you were born. It is hard because other people don't understand. They want me to "grow up." I have lost one long friendship recently and that is the last thing that she said to me before she hung up on me (but then, just to be difficult I sent her mom a mother's day card HA!!!). And while it is good advice to remember your boundaries it doesn't work that way. There are no boundaries. They didn't have boundaries with me when I was growing up so how can I have them when it comes to them?? I think this is what happens when you are an only child which I am, kind of. I have half-siblings but they don't really count and I was informed, at age 14, that my dad was my responsibility. I accept that responsibility fully and am not only lucky, but happy to have that. My parents are the only reason I keep fighting to be OK. If anything ever happened to me it would kill them - and vice versa. When the day comes that either of my parents die I am going to be in real trouble - real trouble. I almost feel bad having such wonderful parents when some don't (i.e. Frankie the loud whisperer) but I can't give them up. So Frankie, if you read this I am sorry that you got the raw end of the deal but I am willing to share my parents with you. They'd love you just like you should have been loved.
Feel OK now - felt bad this morning. The plumbers are here putting a new hot water line into my bathroom which is nice, but then I think I am going to be expected to be more up to bathing!!
What does :school: mean??
dammy

Sorry . . . :school: should have been 'scool' and it would look like this

I didn't make Frankie happy, I shared with him and he accepted the information in a way that made him happy. And you are right . . . sharing here DOES make me happy.

I didn't mean to measure out your assistance to you parents . . . but everyone has boundaries (whether we realize it or not) and some of us wear a sign that says "doormat". You don't likely qualify for the sign, but I wore it for a long time and it really doesn't gain you anything but people wiping their feet on you.

I admire you for helping your folks. I think we should all do more of it.

Glad your bf is so nice and glad he is getting free of alcohol. I do hope you'll sample the green stuff and tell me about it.

Troll -
How do you only talk twice a week??
I talk to them every day!! about stupid stuff!!!
I love them, that is not fair.
Maybe we are twins separated - we definitely have the strange thoughts together.
I feel a lot better this week - a lot!!!
How is the badger doing??
dammy