Holidays

[code] I will be glad when the holiday season is over, I 'm not writing this too sound like an awful person, to me it's a very depressing time, since my divorce I'm 99% alone. I have tried social functions, go to church sometimes, I just can't seem to commit to anything. the divorce caused most of this, as my children and I haven't been close since my separetion from their dad, who committed adultery, was very abusive and I was just a door mat. and yet they side with there dad?? ( i know they are ashamed of me as I had a nervous breakdown when I found out about his affairs and was in the hospital, my daughter said i was crazy as did the x's family and have upheld him; Am i wrong for wanting a normal life with them, as it doesn't seem like it will ever happen they are 31 and 32 yrs. old, I don't know where I messed up, I thot I had done good by them and tried to do all I could for them; my son is having some contact with me and I have been "asked to visit them a couple times" I had to ask my daughter if I could visit them and my 3 grandchildren; which was an uncomfortable visit. It had been about 2 yrs. since she would let me see them, and they definitely have been programed how to act when granny is around, used to the very first thing they would say is can i go home with you and all over me, now if they grunt at me it's a big thing. Can anyone advise me as to how they would deal with this? sometimes I just feel like not trying to have any contact with them at all, and move away, I only have a bro. who I am close with, we had a bad childhood and so I guess all this contributes to why I just want to just give up on my kids and grdkids , but at my age 56 I'm too old to start over so I'm just wrestling back and forth with all this mess and wish I knew what to do. and am I "crazy" sorry to vent.

I had a complete mental/nervous breakdown late last year and spent 19 days in a hospital. Mental illness is considered by society to be a social stigma and we are looked at as mental cases/crazy by most people. If we instead had a heart attack we would have received compansion and support but not with a mental illness.

I recovered from the mental breakdown but went into a state of deep depression feeling guilty at what happened and embarrassed and withdrew from society. I rarely left my apartment and had little people contact.

Fast forward: It's now a year later and my attitude is, "I don't care what people think of me." What I care most about is that I've recovered from the breakdown and handling the depression very well. I'm also grateful that I have no other health issues, have a nice home, I'm financially strong and I don't depend on anyone but myself.

I developed this I don't care what people think of me attitude a few months ago and it has helped me enormously.

Sadly, its far more difficult when your own children avoid you who consider you a mental case. I don't have close family. You need to focus on getting better and just thinking about yourself. You're not too old (at 56) to start over. I had my breakdown at 71 years of age and I'm starting over again at age 72.

Regardless of how horrible it currently seems so many in this Country are FAR worst off. Do whatever it takes to get better. In time, your children will come around. They first need to see you get better. Once they accept you so will your grandchildren. Don't give up on your immediate family.

If you live your full life expectancy you have another 25 years of living. Don't give up instead get better. It can be done. Forget the past and instead look at a brighter tomorrow.

Post Edited (Michael In NY) : 12/18/2012 7:37:07 AM (GMT-7)

Thank you all so much for your replies and encouraging words and advice. I will take yur advice to heart and try my best to come out a better person and hopefully; sooner than later; my family will not have me labeled as "crazy", because I'm not and if they can't see that, well maybe they have a problem, I hate to say that, I love them and want them in my life like we used to be and I wouldn't want anybody to go thru an experience of having a nervous breakdown, and the hospital stay and everything pertaining to the breakdown. It is a learning experience that we don't ask for but experience, hoping for a brighter future.

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 Fibromaylgia, osteoarthritis, fastus arthritis, degenerative disc in neck and back, carpal tunnel, migraines, TMJ, raynaud's, neurapthy, RLS, allergies, chronic bronchitis, depression, chronic pain, insomnia, HBP, anxiety, diverticulitis, IBS, multi-chemical sensitivity, allergies, weak immune system, angina, mitral valve, GERD;

Let the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart, be acceptable n thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer.  Ps. 19:14

JB1 is right Granny, you can always "start over". Keep posting and know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen

Here is a site that might help you and it is free.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I have gotten good feedback about this site.

Hugs, Karen

thank you, i will try some other therapists, I'll have my doctor recommend some different therapists to t see, life is too short and I feel I've missed out on too much and hopefully the new year will be better for us all. I thank you you all for your encouragement and info.

thank you MA10 and everyone, I am going to and have before volunteer serving Christmas(an thanksgiving) dinner to Senior citizens and less fortunate and Hope I will step out and try to get more involved in helping others. I was also wondering if anyone else whose had a nervous breakdown, have problems being able to do like your used too, I used to could sew and make about anything, cook, bake, do complicated jigsaw puzzles, and etc. and now I just can't seem to be able to do any of these things. I feel like my concentration and conception of things just don't work anymore. bless everyone

thanks, Karen, My physical health has declined, but I think it's more a mind thing,concentration, keeping focused, interest, and not getting easily quit one project and start another and never seem to accomplish anything. but I'm hoping in time, I also think alot of it maybe stress, with family problems and my divorce still isn't resolved and it's been since 2009; so looking for some of these things to get taken care of and put behind me.

Merry Christmas to all on Healing Well!!

Hell Granny
I am new here. But not new to these sorts of forums. I am sorry you are in this much pain. If your husband is controlling then it sounds like he has manipulated your grown chidlren into thinking and behaving as they do. Either way, what you describe is a heartache for sure.

Would it be possible to work with a therapist, if you are not currently doing that? Just so you can try to work through these issues of your heart. It must be so painful to not have your chidlren on your side here. (not that there should have to be sides.)

When someone has been abused by a spouse it can take a long time to reclaim their strength. To reclaim who they are. This did not happen to me with a spouse. But it did happen to me with my mother who was abusive in the same way a spouse can be. The main component is berating the person until they lose themeslves. But it can be reclaimed. Even if it does not feel that way.

I wish I had some sage advice re how to live with the situation with your adult children. So very painful. I just wonder if he has manipulated them into siding with him. Often when this happens, the adult kids figure it out in time.

I wish for you peace. When someone has been abused it is not easy to work their way back to themselves.... and their own power that was taken. Its a process. But from all of the answers here I can see you are not alone.

A bit about myself. I am older than you. And I am alone. I am agoraphobic. No matter how hard I have worked on it over the years. Never married. No children. and at my ripened age (lol) there no longer are friends who come through my door or call me. So I do know what alone feels like. What I do not know is the heartache of having children who have sided with the other parent. I am sending light for your good caring heart. I hope you find a very kind caring good therapist with whom you can work to reclaim the parts of you that he took during those years of abuse.

Thank you, Getting by, for the welcome. Its much appreciated

I am glad you feel that way Granny,

Keep moving forward, I think the community gathering is a good idea. Keep posting too and let us know how things are going. I hope that you had a nice Christmas. Ours was quiet and nice.

Hugs, Karen