Divorce

With a woman for 5 years, had a child and have been married for 2. She wasn't really happy, and because of that neither was I. She moved from where we lived (With my parents) in Alaska because I couldn't get a job, as a military police officer (guardsman) getting a job is kinda limited to local police or... well that's it.

She moved to live with her mother, a single parent her entire life, with my son. It got strained and I wasn't calling her all the time, I didn't notice the signs. We'd get in arguments and eventually she wanted a divorce, she slept with 1 guy, and had another move in with her mother and her. Whom I assume she was sleeping with.

The entire time she had this 'we were just dating' ish mentality, we 'broke up' and my right to know what was going on was over, it's taken almost 7 months to get the majority of the story because she refuses to tell me. She brought my son up and left him with me for 5 months but was distant, this was before I had found out about the multiple affairs.

Time is running out, 2 months left, before my son goes back down to live with her for school and such. I've tried multiple times to get past the affair and fix our relationship for my son, but she refuses. In fact she gets mad at ME and yells at me even though she had the affairs. She even told me when I screamed at her (about the affair) it 'wasn't cool what I said' She's 24 but she sounds like she's 16 sometimes.

She doesn't 'feel that way about me anymore' she always says, but I know she's lying to herself. I suppose it doesn't matter if I can't stop it. I'm concerned about my son living with her because she's so immature, however with him she's a wonderful parent.

I want to fix this, but I can't. I want to keep my son, but it means hurting her, and she's an immature selfish child right now but she's my wife, and I gave her my word to stick with her through thick or thin. Every time I see my son I know I'm on day closer to losing him. I also refuse to sign the divorce paperwork, I feel like it's giving up.

I'm depressed, I hate being alive right now. I don't understand how my wife can... have a midlife crisis at 24 and emotionally snap. I don't understand why we can't fix things and make it work for his sake.

Can you get her to go to couples counseling. These things only take merit if you let them. Don't let her make them so important.

Write things down so that you have ammunition when she tries to bring up the past. You don't need her forgiveness for leaving up the toilet seat. She is nitpicking. You can play that game too, but I think the best thing would be couples counseling. You would have a neutral person there. I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen...

So sorry about your situation, friend. You sound like an honorable guy and it's clear that you love that little guy of your's. At the very least I hope you'll talk to a counselor even if your wife isn't ready to. The depression you described is no good for your or your son. Hang in there and keep us posted. Hugs and prayers to ya!

Alot of great advice, BNotAfraid I've considered filing for sole custody but I feel his mother is the better parent. In spite of her own emotional issues right now she will not tolerate for a second a single personal desire to come in front of our son, this woman wont eat until my son is completely done eating. She will not wash her clothes until his are clean, she will not sleep if his room is dangerous or a mess. I try to be a good father but I can't hold a candle to her. It's best for him to be with her and I, but then again splitting him between our homes hurts him, unfortunately I have to back out and give her more custody for his sake.

Carl
Great advice, and I guess I knew it was true. My problem is complicated by my military and police background on top of me being a man. Failure isn't just personal, it's hard coded into my brain in the 'not an option' box. It's hard being unemployed from a bad car wreck, home alone with my son all day thinking about this and sending her texts she ignores.

I guess my issue is, how long do I wait? How long so I spend being hopeless being depressed and anxious, about to lose my son because I know it's better for him. I'm so stressed and frustrated, it's been 7 months and I'm still trying.

Unclear,

I would talk to your attorney and see when you can start filing for custody if that is what you want. They would know when the best time is to start. I wish you well...

Hugs, Karen...