17 years old bad mood

is anyone there......okay this is really confusin but if you want to read bout some of the stuff why my im gettin depressed lil bit snappy i want you to know lotsa the story........ im not feelin the greatest cant sleep i have had a sleeping dissorders for 5 or so years. this is a depression board so i'll get too the point.when i was 13 i popped couple hundred pills anti depressants of my dads n sleeping pills he had thing is i went to bed knowing i was going to die my sister came in my room asking for a smoke n asking me why i was going to bed so early seen empty pill containers of my dads so ends up seeing im white as **** n the way i was talking i popped them they force me to the hospital you guys know the rest of that story.anyways.... i dont think i can sleep maybe because i am depressed,i forget the type of depression i have but i have been diagnosed with depressin n anxiety too. anyways my life isnt the greatest but i try to keep a good outlook on life as much as possible. it just no good when stuff happen i sometimes go numb emotions are gone . ever since i was 12 ive had very slight relationship with my parents all it was was a fight or a ignoreing of eachother . my dad always worked was out of town for wks did not see him much mom n me have too many differences we cant talk or anything. so comes highschool all i got is my friends..... i start trying out drugs which really ****ed me up my school crashed n my life pretty much did too.... i started dealing drugs n using but i got very depressed because thats seemed to become my life.. i started to see loosing any good friend i had n only had ppl around me you cant call friends......my life started changing i tried gettin back into school n had to wait 6 months too get in stopped using drugs still sold them started drinking alot n partying went to drug counciling for 6 months got into school n sold drugs there n made some better good friends.. my parents finally split up well say that like im glad but i could see it how they faught when i was younger till my dad moved out its was bound to happen.. i moved in with my dad n my life was very independent cuz i had the house to myself so i learned how to cook n sold drugs out of his house too make money....i found out my dad was using n had too leave town for 1 month n a half so that ment i had to stay with my mom... got kicked out of my moms place i hit the streat for a month n a half couch hoping or staying up for days straight.... some of the places i would stay was at a good friend of mine but his friends were no good they stole money i need to live off n drugs i sold big debts on my head put me into a depressed state no home 16 years old owe 3 grand n need money for food i decided to slash up my wrists a bit called up ministry of family n children said i need a place i got kicked out of moms so on dad is gone n ****e dup on heroine i cant live with them dont got relatives to live with i jsut want my education n a safe place.... well the government takes a long time to set this crap up so i waited n said well im going to sell drugs again went alright for awhile i wasnt using drugs.my dad moved back in town after his detox in alberta n said im clean im better now come live with me so i did....was only a month n i found out he was still using opened his door to him shootin up so i took off didnt have anywhere to go came bak there when he was gone after i cooled off a bit... few months of living there sellin drugs had a 3 masked guys bust in my place with a shotgun tazer n blade slammed the door on them they forced it open pushed me to the ground pointing a shotgun at me my dad stood up n yellled **** right off thinking it was just a prank they guy with the shotgun hit him in the back with the shotgun then the head thats all i seen i got out of there called 911 hopfully the cops would get tehre in time ...... but they didnt the 3 masked guys didnt even **** get caught now getting a shotgunned pulled on you watchin your dad get hit in the head that ****s with your mind like my mind is already ****ed up been 2 months since then ive quite selling drugs government trying to move me outta town im trying to go back on a youth agrement get out of this house n get my own place finish up school n im getting ****ed around been a month n a half n the govs got no word fro me ive been going to counciling for a year n its all jsut ****ed up could say im ina suicidle state but i dont think i would type this all maybe this is how im dealing with it any comments would be cool there is my life n yes this will all be very confusing too all of you

ciao take care everyone

curt

im replying to my own post jsut to say i dont know why i posted this but maybe someone can relate ......... n does anyone know could ways to cope with deep depression