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Depression, Irritability ruining my life, boyfriend, last straw - Please help

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Depression
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Posted 4/20/2013 4:52 AM (GMT 0)
I am knew to this forum, and I feel like there is no one that I know that understands me. I feel like I keep trying to reach out to people, but no one can understand what I am going through, so I really hope that someone here is.

I have depression, boarderline traits, extreme irritability and a rollercoaster of moodswings.
I have tried counselling (the techniques have not helped me)
Zoloft - 1 year
Effexor 1 1/2 years at 75 mg
Effexor 2 months - 37.5mg
Now starting to see a naturopath to fix any nutritional deficiencies.

I hate SSRIs, I HATE them. They make me feel like I am a totally different person. When I am on them I feel like my life is content, but not great, and not bad. My life is more like a straight line, with no extreme happiness or highs. When I switched off the pills to the 37.5mg dose my life hit the highs which was great, but also went straight back down to the lows. I was so low I talking about hurting myself. Even though I don't think I will ever actually hurt myself, the feeling of being so low and not knowing where to go or what to do overwhelms me. On these pills I feel like I can not determine who is me and who is the pill. I feel like I am 2 different people. I am sick of it. I sweat, I forget them somedays and god forbid that happens. I have my brain zaps etc.

I am trying to see if maybe nutrition helps but its almost my last straw.
I am ruining my boyfriends life. We have been together for over 3 years and he has been through so much crap with me. I feel like an absolute disgusting person by how I treat him when I am at my lows. I cannot stand the thought after of what I have done. I feel so horrible about myself. I am not sure if I should leave him and let him go on to be happy. He wants me to be happy so bad and wants the best for me, but is it time that I start to think about him first? This is hell for him. Not to even start how hard and tiring this is on me.

What Should I Do???

Kaios
Posted 4/20/2013 11:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Kaios,

Have you tried Effexor xr? It is a little different from the pills because it stays in your system longer. Maybe you need a mood stabilizer. That helps a lot.

I am sorry you gave up on therapy. There are so many types of therapists. I wish you would give another one a try. The medication and therapy are only a part of it. We have to work very hard on our skills to get better. Keep trying don't give up.

Learn mindfulness, it really helps. Staying in the moment is the key. Not thinking of the past or future. I really hope that you start to feel better soon Kaios. Keep posting, it does help.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/20/2013 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
I think you will like the neuropath. There is a lot we can do with diet and exercise. Also supplements. Do let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/22/2013 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kaios,

I feel like I am going through the exact same thing right now. I took zoloft for 8 months and I felt like a zombie who just had less severe mood swings. It made me completely numb to sexual satisfaction which added strain to my relationship. I am now on Effexor and just feel like I'm in a haze all the time and haven't seen a positive change in mood. I can understand why you no longer want to be on these types of drugs.

I have however personally benefitted from seeing a therapist. She was wonderful (unfortunately she is not licensed in the state I moved to). I haven't found the right therapist in my current home yet but there are definitely benefitd when you find one who understands you.

As hard as it is try to keep your head up. Remember that your boyfriend loves you and has stuck by you this long. Take everything one step at a time. Celebrate your good days and try to forget the bad.

Kamilynn
Depression/anxiety
Posted 5/4/2013 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Kaios,

I feel your pain. I am also in a 3 year relationship and its definitely been a struggle for him and I. Im not even sure he understands or believes that i am depressed. He doesnt believe in meds for anything, and Im not sure how I feel about them either because I see my whole personality change to the point of I dont know who I am anymore either. If you hear anything about another form of treatment let me know!
Posted 5/4/2013 6:39 PM (GMT 0)
I think the problem with the meds is they may help one symptom of depression...but they dont know WHY OR how they work so its all trial and error, which is not good news for the patients. I too am struggling with the med situation. They seem to ease my depressive symptoms, but I never make a full recovery....its like putting a band aid on a gun wound. Im not really sure what the point of my post was other that to say you are not alone in your struggle and I would like to see some changes on the front of treating depression because if we do not know much about the meds (and they dont), how do we know we are not making it worse. Ive read many articles recently suggesting there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance and that its inflammation in the brain......who knows....who can we trust to tell us...
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