perfectionism and thoughts

Hi,

I just feel like talking to somebody right now.I don't think i like my self,whatever i do,even if its an achievement i do not recognize it..i always ask more from myself.I don't forgive myself for mistakes,or failures and its a real pain.i don't want to hate me anymore...I blame myself for so many things and its really painful. I can't find peace with myself.I hate me for being emotional,i feel like its weakness.Sometimes i don't want to say i love you or i miss you to my loved ones because i don't want to be that emotional,because i always get hurt by people.There are people who i would give my life for them,for example my mom..and i never tell her how much i love her and how much the idea that one day she will die hurts me.I don't want to be there when this will happen.I don't want to experience another death of a loved one,i am so scared.I don't know how my therapist is helping me with this.I don't know who can help me..I don't know what i am supposed to do. I also can't find peace with my past,all the things I've been through,i can't forget them,i am so traumatized. I hate the fact that right now will i am typing my tears are running down my face. I hate the fact that i need love and support and understanding but im too proud to ask for them.

I send my love to all of you out there who struggle
Jeoch

Hello, I am going through the exact things you are. I can't forgive myself for my mistakes, I can't stop allowing the negativity of others to lower my self-esteem. I just want to be liberated from opinion, and be me. People are so critical of my mistakes, more so than other people, it's frightening. I just need to get away from it all. I have so much to prove and I can't handle the pressure.

I have written a lot about perfectionism. Here are a couple of articles that might help:

http://www.hillaryrettig.com/how-to/how-to-recognize-perfectionism/

http://www.hillaryrettig.com/what-to-do-if/what-to-do-if-you-are-perfectionist/

Jeoch - Perfectionism is definitely curable. The hard part is realizing that the self-blame, shame, guilt, regret, remorse are totally useless. We cling to them because that's what we've been taught and we think they will help us improve. But they don't, they are worse than useless because they hold us back. Karen's suggestion that you do self-compassion exercises and meditation is good.

Sad Face Me - you need to get away from the people who are criticizing you. You can try talking with them (using classic I statements, like "When you criticize me I feel really bad"), but after doing so if they continue to criticize and undermine you you should take steps to minimize contact. Please note I'm not saying that this is necessarily easy, only that it's essential.

Good luck to you both.