Posted 6/22/2013 3:42 PM (GMT 0)
Depression is a cancer of the soul. I would love to be able to give you practical advice for treating it, but it's not like a physical condition. The obvious helps though: good physical care, such as eating properly, sleeping enough (ha!), and getting fresh air every day. Try to be honest with at least your family: the stress of pretending everything is okay when it blatantly isn't is what will really wear you out. Keeping secrets, especially secrets that you feel are shameful, is cognitively taxing. Our brains can only cope with so much thinking (studies have shown that willpower is a depletable resource, for example).
Meanwhile, if you haven't already, it's worth seeking out a therapist to talk about those things you really can't talk about with your nearest and dearest. And reading books on depression. I have to say, from past experience, introspection can be its own trap. You can think about things until the cows come home, embark on an around-the-world voyage, and come home again, but still be as stuck as you ever were.
Depression usually has a trigger (or, more likely, multiple triggers). Some people are much, much more prone to becoming depressed than others, probably partly because of personality and partly because of earlier experiences leaving them vulnerable. If you can identify what brought you to this point, it won't miraculously cure you (see 'introspection can be its own trap'), but it will hopefully show some actions which can be taken.
Sorry, this probably isn't helpful at all :-/ All I can say is that ultimately every mood passes, even suicidal depression. Please do try to ride it out until it passes.