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Daily check in thread for all!!! #56

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Posted 10/23/2013 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Thought I'd check in for the first time. As I said in an earlier post, I have recently emerged from a year-long battle with a debilitating depression that resulted in ECT. It wreaked havoc on my marriage, we are now in therapy trying to put the pieces together, and put a hard toll on my two young daughters since I am a stay-at-home-father. Things for the past two months have started looking up, I was taking my meds, seeing my therapist, getting along with the kids better, exercising, marriage still rocky though, but a work in progress.

Then last week I started having some anxiety attacks. Couldn't exercise due to an achilles heel injury. This week it seems to just getting worse. No motivation, lying on the sofa, chest pains…a feeling that I am going back down that deep dark rabbit hole.

I'm scared to talk to my wife because her biggest fear is that I'll get depressed again. If I am going that route…it could destroy our marriage. I see my therapist Monday, but I need to try and move forward until then. I dread every day and just can't wait to curl back up in bed for the night.

I guess that is my rant for the day. Sorry to be such a bummer.

JMP
Posted 10/24/2013 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
Rob,

Thanks - it's all about perspective, isn't it? I know a lot of what's happening right now has to do with just too many hours at work lately. My job is to monitor and troubleshoot the organization's mainframe computer and network systems. So I sit at a computer for 12 hours waiting for something to fail - kinda like fire-fighting. Leaves a lot of time to think - too much time perhaps.

I finish this 7 day stretch in the morning and plan to go far a walk then sleep for about 600 hours. I hesitate to start looking for a relationship mainly because I don't feel worthy but also 'cause I don't need the hurt and deception that seemed so prevalent in the past - once bitten, twice shy, as they say.

Unfortunately, I ran out of my bipolar meds 2 days ago and the withdrawal is brutal - "brain zaps and zings". I also take a pain med for Fibromyalgia but it makes these symptoms worse so....quite a mess.

Anyhow, I've only 11 hours to go before I can just 'be' at home and rest.

Thanks Rob, for taking the time.

Brian
Posted 10/24/2013 12:47 AM (GMT 0)
JMP,

Welcome to the Daily Check in Thread... I am glad you decided to join us. In my opinion, counseling is fantastic, it really helps us so much. But I feel you should be able to talk to your wife about your depression if it will help you. She need not be that afraid of you being depressed. That just puts extra strain on you trying to act like you aren't, or being afraid to show how you feel. Educate her so she isn't so afraid. There are many books on depression. Get one for her.

Take care and keep posting, it really does help.

Hugs, Karen...

Brian, be careful while being off of your meds. When do you get some more?
Posted 10/24/2013 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone

I'm sitting here with all kinds of wires attached to my body because they are doing a test to see if I still have sleep apnea. Today was a good day I went visit my mom then went to visit my brother. That means the Lexapro is working, which makes me very happy. Before I would have spent 15 minutes with my mom and went home.

The cats are all still spoilt rotten.
Posted 10/24/2013 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,

after work tomorrow morning I'll be getting my meds. I know I shouldn't have let this happen but work just got in the way. I've only been at work for a couple of hours and it's already shaping up to be a real hard one. At this point, I'm seriously considering leaving. It's not a problem - we have full staff tonight - I just don't want to burn off too much sick time. Then again, I'm a firm believer in the need for 'mental health days' off work. We'll see...

Good to talk to you again, Karen. Thanks...

Brian
Posted 10/24/2013 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
HI GUYS I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING OKAY. STILL RAINING COLD AND BLEAK. WALKED BUTTONS AND WE GOT VERY WET ON THE WAY BACK, OH WELL. STILL NOT THE BEST, OH WELL. I HAVE BEEN RUBBING HEAT GEL INTO MY UPPER ARMS AND BICEPS, SHOULDERS AND NECK. I AM SO SORE. PLAYING TUNES AT PRESENT. NOT MUCH SPRING WEATHER HERE, NONE AT ALL ACTUALLY. MOTHER NATURE HAS CRACKED IT WELL AND TRUELY. IT IS VERY HOT IN SOME AREAS WITH DEVASTATING FIRES, AND IN OTHER PARTS THERE IS STIL SNOW about. DONE SOUTH WHERE I AM IT IS BLOODY WINTER ALL OVER AGAIN. BOY HAS IT RAINED!!

I CAN'T BE STUFFED DOING MUCH AT THE MOMENT. I POSTED A CARD TO A DEAR FRIEND O/S AND REQUESTED SOME MEDS TO BE PICKED UP AT THE CHEMIST IN THE NEXT DAY OR TWO. TAKE CARE MY DEAR FRIENDS.

WITH HEALING COMPASSION,
THE HAPPY TURTLE.
Posted 10/24/2013 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
It's almost midnight here. It's been a blah day. I spent Monday really scrubbing and rearranging our living room. I mean I washed curtains, shampooed the carpet, cleaned the upholstery and scrubbed the baseboards. I had planned on attacking one room each day. On my way to take garbage out on Monday I fell. My knees feel wobbly lately and it caused me to fall down a small hill.

So yesterday I was stuff and sore but I still went to my grandmothers and helped clean her house and now the lawn. It was a long, exhausting day but it felt good to help. Fast forward to about 11 last night and the flu like symptoms of a fibro flare hit. Since then I've been in pain ( from fall and flare) and exhausted. I'm so tired that I barely got the kids fed, homework done, and litterboxes clean. Let's hope tomorrow is better.
Posted 10/24/2013 11:42 AM (GMT 0)
Good morning all!

Brian- please take care of yourself. I am preaching to the choir here because I often let my meds lapse. And then I feel like poop. We have to put ourselves first.

AV- I'm so sorry you fell! Please be careful! I fell in our kitchen the other day and I have a huge ugly bruise to show for it.

JAMIE- SENDING LOVE AS ALWAYS!

Cat- I hope your sleep study gives you some positive results.

It's in the low 50's here in the mornings. That's cold for Texas. All the girls in school have their Ugg boots on- it's sorta funny to see all the sweaters because the high is still in the 80's which is warm.

Nothing really going on here. I've had a couple of really good days - knock on wood. Hope I didn't just jinx it.

My daughter made me some new body wash and shave gel. She works in a bath store where you customize your own scents- millions of options for men and women. She made them in the scent of gardenia. I'm serious that I view a bath in a whole new light now. I really used to dread them everyday. Now I love them. I highly suggest that you try new scents of body washes- it works! Or it does for me. Off to try the new stuff!

My love to all!
Michele!
Posted 10/24/2013 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
THANKS MICHELE.

THE HAPPY TURTLE.
Posted 10/24/2013 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning all .........

   Another day without snow flurries ....... yay! 36 degress out and sunny .... cool!

   Gizzy is really beginning to get a complex ... only one dog today on our drive. He actually started howling when he saw kids waiting for the school buses. He was crying for the first 5-minutes of our drive ... like "where are all my budies"?

   I have a support group meeting this morning. Otherwise, not a lot going on. Maybe grocery shopping and clothes washing!

   Hope everyone has a day with a little healing.

Rob and Gizzy

 

Posted 10/24/2013 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everybody,

My computer was down last night and this morning so that is why I haven't been on. My sister is up and we are doing lunch today with her daughters. So I will be away most of the day... Sorry...

Brian, I hope you do okay until you get your meds. Rob, I am glad you are having a sunny day. We have about three inches of snow here, but I think it will melt. JAMIE... YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART. I KNOW WHO THAT CARD IS FOR...

Michele, AV, Cat, UA, Mags and to anybody I may have missed. I hope you all have a good day...

Hugs, Karen...

Love you all!!!!!!!!!!

Trina... Hello to you too!!!!!
Posted 10/24/2013 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
Yesterday, I went to pick up my crohns med at Walgreens. I am currently unemployed and no insurance. They wanted over 1000 for it, after some discounts. I went to Sams Club and Walmart, and before discounts about the same.

I am proud of myself. I didn't overly panic, didn't cry, just kept trying to solve the problem.

My employment councilor told me about Community Action Agency, which has some programs who might help. I am headed out to three of them. My other meds are generic and thus do-able. This one is not generic and the manufacturer has no low-cost programs, except for a 'discount card', for up to 50 bucks a month.

So, off to ask for help.
Posted 10/24/2013 2:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All,

welcome to the newest members joining our check-in.

Been terribly busy with a death in the family and the funeral is this Saturday, seragates office is next week; going through the house is endless!

This house is beyond my endurance and we are taking 3 days off while John goes back to work. We will get back to it on Sunday and only do 4-6 hours of work a day, on his weekends off. Can not let it consume our lives.

Hope everyone is well, honestly I can read all the posts, just too worn out, will catch up later; possibly when the coffee kicks in.

Peace to all
Trina
Posted 10/24/2013 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
Karen: You're right about my wife and we are working on that in counseling. Right now the relationship is so strained that I don't want to add any more stree or fear. I will talk about this with my counselor.

All: Today started out so wonderfully. My 12 yr. old hates me being computer teacher and told me she hated me. Did not improve my mood. My 9 yr. old told me she didn't hate me, but she would like me not to teach again next year.

So that was the start of my glorious day. Feeling tired and exhausted despite plenty of sleep. Just trying to power through this one.

PEACE
Posted 10/24/2013 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone

   My sleep study was pretty good I slept for 5 hours. The technician who did the test told me I hardly had any sleep apnea! My oxygen level stayed at 97 and just dipped down to 87 a few times. This makes me very happy. Now to survive the colonoscopy tomorrow and the constant running to the bathroom today.

Lulu had me worried she didn't come last night for her evening feeding and I hollered and hollered for her today and she didn't come this morning. She finally came around 1:30. I wish she would come in the house to live but I have tried and tried to get her inside. She's getting old so I worry.  The other critters are spoilt and doing well. LOL

 

Posted 10/24/2013 7:34 PM (GMT 0)
Myself,

I Hope that these programs can help you so that you can get your meds. Know I am thinking about you and praying.

jmp,

I am glad you are going to talk to your counselor. They are such a good help. I think you will get good guidance with that.

Cat, I am glad your sleep study went well.

Trina, I am glad you are getting through everything okay. What you are going through is difficult.

I had a good lunch with my sister and her daughters and the babies. We got pizza and it was fun. Haven't seen her for over a year.

Take care all and have a good day!!!

Hugs, Karen...

PS The sun is out!!!!!
Posted 10/25/2013 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
YOUR WELCOME KAREN. HI EVERYONE.

THE HAPPY TURTLE :-)
Posted 10/25/2013 6:27 AM (GMT 0)
Myself, I'm sorry your medication is so outrageously priced!! I'm going to do a little researching, too. I know a few people who help uninsured people with their medical care so I'll ask around , too.

Trina, I hope the next few days are as gentle with you as they can be.

Catwamyn, I'm happy you're test cam back so good! Now you can enjoy your sleep with no fear!

Karen, sounds like you had a nice time with family.

I saw my dr today and after some X-rays and an MRI he thinks I have torn the meniscus in my knee. So back to the specialist I go. My dr didn't want to hazard a guess on what the probable treatment plan would be since that's out of his scope of practice. So let's hope there's a non surgical method.
Posted 10/25/2013 7:32 AM (GMT 0)
HI AV. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AV WITH YOUR KNEE. MANY HEALING THOUGHTS I SEND YOUR WAY. HAD A VERY ROUGH NIGHT LAST NIGHT. WAS UP UNTIL 4AM WITH THE EXPLETIVE NOCTURIA!! I AM ALL WASHED UP. HAVE HAD 2 CAT NAPS TODAY, BOY DID I NEED THEM. WHEN AM I GOING TO SLEEP!! STILL COLD HERE. I AM PLAYING TUNES JUST AWOKE FROM A NICE NAP, HAVEN'T DONE MUCH TODAY, JUST BITS AND PIECES. IT IS GETTING CLOSE TO THE END OF THE YEAR. BRING ON 2014, I HAVE BIG PLANS!!!

FOUND A LOVELY PRESENT FOR MY PARTNER TODAY, I HAVE 2 OTHERS AND WILL SEND THEM SOON. MY SISTER IS STILL BORROWING MONEY OF ME LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE, TWO DAYS IN A ROW. IT IS HARD FOR ME TO SAY NO. HER SON HAS A NEW BABY THAT IS A PREM AND IS STILL IS IN HOSPITAL AND SHE IS RUNNING THE NEW MUM AROUND EVERYWHERE, I JUST WISH SHE WOULD FIND A NEW CASH MACHINE. THIS ONE IS RUNNING ON EMPTY. I AM STRUGGLING MYSELF. BILLS, EXPLETIVE. OH WELL.............

BUTONS IS WELL THAT IS GOOD. I AM A BIT OF A MEDICAL MESS AT THE MOMENT. I AM TRYING TO REST WHEN I CAN. JUST SO TIRED. AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE ANY APPTS UNTIL NEXT MONTH. TODAY I PICKED UP A CACHE OF MEDS. YES I RATTLE WHEN I WALK!!! OH WELL. AGAIN....................

TAKE CARE MY DEAR FRIENDS. JUST TAKING THINGS ONE DAY AT A TIME. SOMETIMES LESS. WILL SEE YOU ALL SOON, YEAH MY LITTLE INSIDE JOKE!!! VISION IS UP N DOWN, SO I CAN HANDLE THIS OKAY. SUGARS ARE UP N DOWN BUT YOU GET THAT TOO. WOULD JUST LIKE SOME SOLID AND UNINTERUPTED SLEEP. SORRY AM HAVING A LITTLE VENT. KEEP WELL MY DEAR FRIENDS.

THE HAPPY-INSOMNIAC TURTLE!!!
Posted 10/25/2013 1:28 PM (GMT 0)
Morning, chawl.

Picked up 16 days of my drugs yesterday-paid for! The next 16 days I am on my own, for about 250.
BF is worried my gut will react to a lowered dosage. I say don't borrow trouble. I did a little research and there is no other choice.

I am proud of my behavior during this mini-crisis. I didn't lose it, I put my head down and powered forward. It was hard to ask for financial help, but I will do it for my health, even if for nothing else. As the bank account goes down, I guess we all get less proud.

Today, some job hunting, groceries, and work-out. Be well all.
Posted 10/25/2013 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning all ........

   So glad the sun keeps coming out ... it helps the blahs! It's 31 degrees out at 7:30am but sunny.

   Gizzy hit the jackpot this morning ... 5-dogs total, and the coolest one was a car pulling up next to me at a light - and Gizmo saw the dog in the car next to us (and visa versa) - and cried like a baby! They both did!

   Myself ...... sorry about the ridiculous costs of the meds ... was there in 2012, and it's a helpless feeling.

   JAMIEE ...... SORRY about YOUR SLEEP PROBLEMS - BUT I GUESS YOUR WEATHER LATELY DOESN'T ENCOURAGE GETTING UPAND OUT - TO DO SOMETHING ...... BUMMER!

   AV ...... hope your knee can be helped without surgery and at moderate cost.

   Hope everyone finds a little healing today.

Rob and Gizzy

 

Posted 10/26/2013 2:13 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning all ......

   Sunny and 46 degrees out today at 8am. Gizmo is getting impatient - howling just to see a dog. On the way back from DD, we saw 3 dogs - all within two blocks of each other ....Yay!!!

   Hmmmm ..... 24-hours and no one replying to the Daily Thread! Any body out there?

   Have a good day!

:-)  

Posted 10/26/2013 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rob and Gizzy and everyone else-

I'm here! :)

I just slept in today. It felt good.

Nothing going on today. Just laundry, rest and relaxation. Beautiful day here in Texas. I've got all the doors and windows open, let the cool breeze through.

I hope everyone has a fabulous day!
Michele
Posted 10/26/2013 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone

I had my colonoscopy yesterday, the doctor said I had and ulcer in my colon, diverticulosis, and one polyp. She sent the polyp off to get it biopsied.

My husband and I might be splitting up because of my depression and my uncontrolled spending when I am in the crazy high of my bipolar. I hope not, but he left home yesterday and went to Mountain City, Tennessee to think. His parents have a house up there. We'll see when he gets back I guess. This is getting me down again. Oh well, life goes on and I have to stay as strong as this crazy depression will let me.

  

Posted 10/26/2013 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Cat-

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. How about couples counseling? I know it's hard for anyone without depression to understand how we truly feel. Is there anything we can do to help you through this?

Sending love-
Michele
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