Adoption discrimination due to depression

Hi Charles, I am sorry of this situation. It may be when people in China get depressed, it is different from here. I don't know.

I do have a question to ask you, please don't think I am judging. But why not an American baby??? Is there a reason? There are so many American children that need a good home.

I hope that this works out for you. I know your heart wants a baby. Try not to get depressed, you don't know what the outcome will be yet. Do you see a counselor? Maybe talk it through with a professional. We can give you advice, but maybe they can give you options.

I hope that things get better. I hope I didn't offend you with my question. I am just curious.

Take it one day at a time...

Hugs, Karen...

Hello Charles ......

   So sorry to hear of all the roadblocks you're facing. It seems to me that the agency should have known more about the acceptance procedures or rules ... before leading a client down the financial road!

   I would guess this wasn't their first adoption from or thru China. It would also seem fair and logical that an agency would require: a contract with the client with all typical situations covered; a deposit (non-refundable) to start the procedures (for their benefit); and a balance after all approvals have been met (for your benefit) but likely just before or at the time of the conclusion of the balance of the contract.

   There must be some governing agency in the U.S. that has some kind of control over the adoption agencies ..... because it seems to me that is where you problem rests.

   I think you should check with whatever controlling entity exists ... and contact an attorney - as soon as possible. You should expect to lose SOME money if you're ultimately told you do not qualify ... but that money should be far less than the cost of adoption.

   Either there's some kind of a big misunderstanding somewhere ... or there may be fraud involved.

   I understand neither helps you emotionally .... but try to take care of one thing at a time.

Best of luck to you.

Rob and Gizzy

 

Hello everyone,

I want to thank each of you for weighing in on my current dilemma. Prior to paying a dime, on my attorney's advice I sent a letter of introduction to several adoption agencies where I disclosed my wife is Deaf and I have a bad back and suffer from depression. I made it clear that I am currently taken anti-depressants and was hoping I would still be considered a candidate for adoption.

One agency said sure, but we must adopt a deaf child. My wife doesn't want to have to raise a deaf child where he or she will face discrimination and struggle to succeed. We turned them down. Another agency said yes, but we would have to adopt a child who suffers from not one, but two mental or physical handicaps. We didn't feel we are capable of raising a child with multiple needs, so we turned them down as well. Finally an agency told us that they checked and China was okay with me being on an anti-depressant and under my Psychiatrist's care. Not only that, but they said we can only adopt a child in need who has a minor medical condition that is treatable!

I should explain, to adopt a healthy Chinese child there is a waiting list of about 5-6 years. Also, my wife is 100% Chinese, so we want to adopt a Chinese child with a special need, such as a cleft palate or a congenital heart disease that is treatable with either medicine or surgery. We have also discussed wanting to then adopt an American baby/infant here in the States, should everything go well with our first adopted child.

As for me being unemployed, I actually won my Worker's comp case and am now officially retired from my job and receiving a nice tax free income. Being a full time stay-at-home Dad is considered a plus. I was also a teacher before I became a Police Officer, so I will be the primary care taker for our child and he or she will have every opportunity to sail through his or her education.

I guess that's about it for now. Tomorrow afternoon we will meet with a Social Worker, who will interview us, tour our home and determine if we would make excellent parents. This is where the expenses start to climb, this "Home Study" will cost us $1,700.00 now and we need to meet 6 more times with the Social Worker Post Adoption and that will cost us roughly an additional $1,800.00. Then we start paying China for their services, to include the cost of taking care of our son or daughter up until the time we go there for two weeks and take our child back to the States.

As I said before, I spend the majority of my days home alone and isolated. I have chronic pain that is at times unbearable and well above a 10. I currently have no purpose, but by adopting a child I will have a new purpose to life. It will be a welcome diversion from my pain and make my daily suffering worth it as my wife and I raise our child to be a happy, healthy and productive member of society. 


I apologize for the above trilogy, I often loose myself in my writings and don't realize how much I've said or that I've said too much. I try to be forthright and honest with myself as I write from my heart.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Charles

 

I removed a paragraph from your post.  I wasn't positive of the content, but it sounded suicidal.  If I misread it, I am sorry.  We can't discuss this around here.  I don't know if you should adopt a child, if you are thinking the way I think you are.  If you have any comments on this paragraph I removed, please email me.  A child isn't going to necessarily make your life easier.  It may complicate things.  Please don't discuss that paragraph on the forum.  It is against the rules.  Like I said, please email me if you want to discuss this any further.  Thanks in advance for understanding...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/14/2013 4:39:50 AM (GMT-7)