Need a little advice. upsetting me

I am 28 and I have the best son ever. Lol to me anyways. I found out after having my son 8 years ago that having more children for me would be life-threatening for the baby and I both. So I refuse to have more children so I can watch my son grow up.

I have a very wonderful and understanding boyfriend and I have been very forward with him about not just the children part but all of my faults. He says that not having a child of his own he could live with, but when we got into a fight the other day he said that not having a child of his own is a very big deal to him. I understand this but with the risks that I have been told of I do not want to chance not being here for my son.

I am very heart broken because I do love my bf but what I need help with is do I let him go so he can have children of his own? Would it be wrong to want him to stay even though I can't give him any children? I do not want to lose him but some times I feel that this is a bigger deal to him then he makes it out to be and he doesn't want to tell me. I can't risk not being here for my son and another child should the baby make it. I hurt all over from this and try to pretend it doesn't kill me to be this young and not be able to do what my body is desigined to do.

Thank you to those who answer.

No he made a list of things he doesn't like about me and that was on the list. I am not sure what to do but it has been bothering me and I will be talking to him tonight after he comes over. I have to know that this is not something he will hate me for later in life. Thank you Rob good sound advice.

He has to decide if not having biological children is more important than you. In this day and age there are so many other opportunities to have children. Foster care, adoption, even surrogates. You need to sit down and ask if he's going to resent that you and he can't have children. If so , then it's time to cut the relationship off.

Thinking of you tonight as you discuss this - better to be open and honest about it now rather than have problems in the future, but don't try to make his decision for him. You are both adults and capable of being honest and hearing honesty. It may not always feel great in the moment but will always work out in the long run.

Best wishes.

Thank you everyone

We did talk tonight and I told him that my son has to be enough or this will not work. I have not just mental but physical issues and will not risk my life for anyone but my son.

He told me that he is scared to have a child and that he doesn't really want to get up for 2am feedings or change diapers either. Lol wow that's not good I said to him.

I did tell him that the ball was in his court I would not make this choice for him. This has been such an emotional ride for me and I cried for 5 minutes talking to him about this.

He is going to decide if he can live without biological children or not and we will have to see from there. I told him to make a list or talk it out with someone. I am not sure that this will help him but I also told him that I will not move forward until I was sure he would be able to live with this fact.

Now I have to get my tubes tied so we do not have any accidental pregnancies either. Thank you all again.

I am childless by choice. I have purposely only gotten into relationships with men who share that choice.

My BF's ex-wife wanted kids. It wasn't pretty, and it is one of the reasons they broke up.

Hello S2S .....

   I know you've had your discussion about no more kids. It could be something very important to him ... and while it does sound kind of childish to make a list of things he doesn't like about you or your joint situation, you might want to take the list seriously.

   While you have recognized that you have some problems mental and physical .... he may have some problems himself that he has not faced yet. It seems like a very good time to seek a couples counselor .... and if you're in a large metro area, you might be surprised to find available some counselors who workon a sliding scale.

   I believe meeting many times with a couples counselor will at least bring out things that one of you are not aware of .... and possibly more. I went thru that excercise about 6-years ago while in the middle or toward the end of a 7-year relationship.

   By the 4th or 5th session, I found out some things about my partner that I didn't like at all ... and were well hidden by her. In time, it lead to us breaking up .... but, as I think Carl said earlier, better to know now than 10-years from now. And that's not even mentioning about all of the complications that could be created for your son.

   I really do hope that everything works well for you both ... but test it! And a couples counselor sounds like a great way to do that!

   Best wishes to you.

Rob and Gizzy

  

Thank you everyone. He wants time to think about what he really wants, but like his father is needs help to make a choice. I don't want to drag this out. I told him that adoption or fostering will be hard with my mental issues but we could try. I do want one more child but can no longer have them. We are basically stuck in one spot right now and I hate limbo area's. His list was mostly nit picking and if this is the case and these little things are too much then maybe its best to go about our lives. The most worrisome part for me is my son, I refuse to watch yet another man break his heart. His bio dad did this an I will not have it happen again.

Well my day has gone so good and I pray it continues this way. I am tired so gonna nap before my son gets home. Lol. Be safe and warm my friends.

That is so true LexiRae, nobody is perfect. We do all have flaws, but I guess the question is how important it is to him to have a child. He has to make some decision I think that the ball is in his court. I don't like the list thingy... I don't think it is right to come up with things that you don't like about somebody and tell them. But that is me... Though if he wrote a list, so should she I guess. Or maybe it is only fair that she is able to, but personally I wouldn't. I guess this is a tricky situation, but it is better to get it out in the open now than go on with it coming up later possibly.

I hope that you all can work this out S2S. It just seems like such an unfortunate time to have to deal with it, with the holidays and all...

Hugs to all...

Karen...

I guess when I think of a list, I think of a long list. I feel nobody is perfect, and we can discuss these things. I guess I just wouldn't want anybody writing a list of the things that they didn't exactly like about me. But everybody is different. I am sure I have many things I could work on, but I accept people for who they are, now who I would like them to be.

Have a great day...

Hugs, Karen...

I'm a list maker. It helps me organize my thoughts and analyze my emotions. I make lists about all sorts of things and yes, I've made lists about my spouse.

The list helped me determine if my relationship was worth all the time and energy. I love my estranged husband and I never would want him to change the person he is but that said he has flaws. Everyone has flaws. In a relationship you have to determine if those flaws are minor enough that you can still be happy together. As much as we are told that love can conquer all, it isn't true. Love is a reason to be together but not the only reason. You can love someone and not like them.