Anyone please...just would like to stabilize on meds and need insight

I've been now on lexapro for 4 months (2 on 10mg). My last month I've had a mild breakthrough for 5 days and then slumped down again with depression/anxiety. Climbed back up for two weeks and again, slumped. These times are really tough for me since it throws me way back, kills my appetite once again, disrupts my sleep and leaves me feeling vulnerable and depressed. I'm scared since I'm feeling very numb as well, unmotivated and apathetic to what's happening around me in life. I'm definitely not crazy about these feelings. My doctor thinks I should up my medicine but I'm wondering if these symptoms will abate or just get worse on a higher dose? I can't figure out if it's my depression and anxiety setting me back since I'm not fully there yet or it's the flat and unmotivated feelings I'm having that are swinging me back this state since I'm just not the person I was 6 months ago. Has anyone "come out" of this state when upping your dose or felt more "alive" after an increase with less depersonalization and depression? I just want to get better...trying to stay positive but it's been a long journey so far.

Thanks Karen. Did you ever feel out of it or just apathy on meds? If so did an increase help or just make it worse? I wish I could just feel like myself again. Sometimes I just feel like I'm asking for too much in wanting to feel normal. It's not like I'm asking to be a millionaire or have all the material things one could ever wish for...I just want to live a happy life (which I really already have). Why is it so hard?

Lynn, welcome to the forum!

sometimes it seems to totally helpless that nothing we try will ever get us balanced, then one day we find a coping skill that worked! then another day, the doc suggests a new med and an increase or decrease of what we are on and WOW that worked!

Because we are all different and we all have our own emotional journey to go through along with the meds. It is so hard for the docs to find the correct combo. However they do if you keep communitcating with him/her and letting them know what is happening.

Remember, most of us are on a roller coaster ride of healing so don't expect magic.

Peace and courage
Trina

Rob I do see a therapist as well as a psychiatrist. My problem is trusting the doctors...I like to think I know what's best for me :) and putting all my faith in docs is hard for me to do. My doc does think I need an increase but I'm waiting until Feb 25th since I have a vng (dizziness test) then and I don't want anything i do now to alter the results. So how do you feel after 4 months on 10mg? So you feel clear headed and without brain fog...did you have this before? It's a big issue for me...I'm so forgetful it's scary! I'm not taking any other meds, only lexapro...4 months now as well. Thanks for your reply!

I sure hope you're right. It's such a strange feeling being forgetful and spacey...I feel like it's medicine related but it's probably depression/anxiety related as well. I feel like I have a cognitive impairment or degenerative brain disease!

You're right...slowing down will probably help. Prior to all this happening 7 months ago I was always on the ball, no problem multi-tasking, clear headed, etc. I'm not used to having to do everything at 1/2 pace, I feel like a different person after going through the anxiety and a major depressive episode.

Dizziness and tinnitus started with an antibiotic use and a stressful event at the same time. Dizziness would come and go but mostly be there, now since medicine it's always constant 24/7. Since on the lex I definitely feel more forgetful and foggy headed. I do make lists...sometimes by the time I get to the fridge I forget what what I wanted to write down!

I'm hoping it's my brain taking it's slow time to heal and i won't always be this way. I've read a lot on mindfulness as well and need to start practicing it daily. I'm just hoping I'm not making matters worse in the long run by upping medication next week...I'm fighting this in my head. I have a hard time thinking I'll reach mental clarity again on meds.

Not trusting a doctor ...... that's tough!!!

   I had a Nefrologist that I didn't trust ... so i canned his butt! But, I would be a lost soul if I couldn't trust my Oncologist, Pulmonary doctor or Primary.

   Oh yeah - I do have a psychologist I see on occassion. I trust him too. He is what one might call a talk psychologist. He specializes in terminal diseases - and if he couldn't be trusted - he would be useless to anyone!

   I sure wish you could work thru the trust issues.

   My Lexapro has been a 20mg dose since the first day - so I have not gone thru an increase of dosage. It has worked well for me - in the sense that my emotional level is much more stable than it was before lexapro.

   I felt stability pretty quickly and have not had side effects that I can say were because of that med. But that's likely because other meds I'm taking are more powerful - and have there own side effects.

   I did have a period of dizziness - and a very spaced out feeling in the summer of 2012 ... but that was due to an approaching kidney failure - nothing at all to do with any med. It was my body telling me to get my *** into the hospital.

   Have you had any blood tests recently? It is amazing what can be found or ruled out with just a few blood tests.

   Hope you CAN find some trust in a doctor.

Rob & Gizmo

 

Well I think it's me not trusting the doctors, this goes for any of my docs...they could be the most competent out there too but I feel like I'm the only one who knows what is going on inside and knows what's best for me. Will have to work in that since I'm not a doctor myself! All blood tests are fine, CBC, thyroid, hormone. Mri's clear as well. Having a better day today but this is all part of my roller coaster of progression. Hopefully it levels out soon!

This is my take on this. -pulls out soapbox, brushes it off-

Our doctors are trained specialists, who spend 6-8 years and countless cash, all to learn how to interpret the human body and it's myriad frailties.

They observe the patient. They talk to the patient. They do a physical test. They do bloodwork. They might order other diagnostic tests. Then, their training helps them reach a diagnosis. Sometimes, the diagnosis is murky. This process takes time, and is sometimes, due to the rather complex nature of medicine, isn't always clear to the patient.

Yes, some are better than others. That is true, no matter what. But, I am sorry here, but I do not believe that 'I know best' what is going on inside. I offer a unique and important perspective to my physicians, that of my powers of observation on my own symptoms. But that is only part of what a doctor uses to figure things out.

And, okay, depression isn't a bloodtest and take an aspirin kind of illness. I wish it was. But, even psychologists and psychiatrists are specially-trained individuals, with a lot of education. On the matter of my health, I give them the expert opinion.

My apologies, but this is one of those subjects about which I feel strongly. By all means, do your research before you hire. If one is not living up to expectations, fire them. I have, twice, in my life. But don't automatically count their opinions out.

-gets off soapbox, slides it under the couch, and sits down-

I forgot to mention my 2 friends and I have the same counselor. A good counselor is a counselor who will put herself on your level no matter what higher education she has and her desire is to get you back on track and she tells you, you don't have to live like this anymore. This is a wise teacher. I was feeling down a few days ago and she gave me her cell phone number and told me to call her. I haven't yet.