Posted 2/21/2014 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
I was married in my twenties, currently I am 45. Ex and I divorced after 8 years. He was a serial philanderer. He and I lived in the town where I live now, and I grew up here.
Hubby was a theatre designer. I was an actor. We both worked with various groups in town.
Hubby had affairs and casual sex with several women around town. Theatre can be slightly incestuous at the best of times. My ex perfected this to an art form, and lied about it for six years.
Yes, I am still mad.
Anyway, sitting in the classroom this AM, listening to morning announcements, heard a name I knew from back then. Luckily, a sweet guy who would have been on the periphery during the end of my marriage, working with an out of town group. He was in the school today hosting a Comic Con, and I would be herding my charges there for each class.
So, I had to decide how I wanted to play this. I have run into other people from my past. We ignored each other. I recognized them, and they clearly recognized me. But, it was still painful to acknowledge them, since, well, they had known how much of a fool I was.
But this guy was decent, kind, and likely only heard things through the grapevine, which you should never trust anyway. So, I quickly decided to greet him and give him a hug.
I am glad I did. We had a pleasant day catching up as he sold comic books and I made sure no one killed anybody. At one point he bust out laughing when I got everyone in the room to be quiet when I called my class to line up. Seriously, I am pretty loud when I want to be. He leaned over and whispered, "Glad to know that voice training still works."
Of course, he wanted to know if I was getting into the scene again. I deflected the question and changed the subject. He is a sweet guy, and I do not remember him being catty and spreading gossip, but things do change.
But, clearly, I need to address this, both with my past and my future. Do I really care whether these people knew that fifteen years ago my husband slept around? I can keep a professional facade, but if I get in, I am in. No picking and choosing who I work with or in what capacity. What if I have to work with one woman I know was involved with my hubby? Or several others who I suspect of involvement, or someone who intimately knew all of this dirty laundry and chose not to tell me? Does it matter anymore? I dunno. I KNOW I couldn't deal with the ex, but as far as I know he does work freelance all over the country. Likely would not make it back here, and most groups couldn't afford him anyway.
I miss this part of my life intensely, but haven't acted in four years, and the last time before that was right before I was diagnosed. It totally blows out my energy, and after a week of shows I would be in a flare. I also tend to lose concentration on stage, and end up dropping a line or blowing a cue. I could fall out of my heels, and into a set piece. Trip over something.
So, me got some thinking to do. Unh, hunh. I would also end this massive missive by adding that before I started Wellbutrin, I might have approached this conundrum very differently.