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Posted 2/24/2014 2:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi. My name is Holly and I am 54 yrs old. I have dealt with depression for over 12 yrs since I lost my only child. The past few months it has gotten severe enough that it has caused me health problems such as IBS and I have lost over 20 lbs in 3 months. I went through all kinds of testing for gastro problems and even a heart cath and echocardiogram in the past month to find out that all they can diagnose is IBS. Today it dawned on me that I am worrying about things I have no control over and have been pretty much out of it and severely depressed. I do take 10 mgs of celexa for a couple yrs now. I want to get back to feeling normal. I worry so much about my husband who is my rock because his health is not the best. He has emphysema and has had 2 stents one of which is in his widow maker as they call it. Then there is the stress that they made cutbacks at work and I am worried sick to lose my job and health insurance. I got to the point where I can't really eat and am just a basket case and have missed work and even ended up in the hospital for 5 days a couple weeks ago ( when they did the heart and some other tests). Last week still no better so back to dr and ER at another affiliated hospital 50 miles away only to find nothing wrong. I so need to get control over my emotions before I lose my job over it. Sorry this is so much babbling. I do work 2nd shift and my husband works first so I spend a lot more time home alone than I use to before changing professions. I retired from hairstyling after 30 yrs because I needed to think about benefits and got lucky enough to get into the local hospital as a lab clerk part time. I was working quite a lot but then they cut back and that' when I think all this started. I just need to connect with others I think. How do we shut out the bad thoughts and focus on life? Thanks for listening.
Posted 2/24/2014 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
HI Holly,

It is really very easy to do this, but it takes practice. Basically it is mindfulness. Focusing on the now. Living in the moment.

I learned it by telling myself in my head each thing that I do. I would talk myself through doing dishes. Everything. Eventually it became a part of me. I also meditate.

mindful.org??? I think that this is a site that will help you. Check out the first thread called "resources". The link is in there. There is also other good information there.

Talk yourself through things, if your mind wanders, put up a mental stop sign and repeat "stop" three times. It takes work but it is worth it.

Living in the past and future causes anxiety and nervousness. Overwhelming thoughts. Try not to worry about the things that you don't have control over. That takes practice too. But once you do it, it is so freeing. Have faith that things will work out for you and your husband. My first husband had emphysema too. He had to use a nebulizer. And inhalers. It is hard when you worry about them.

I hope that you feel better soon. Keep posting as it does help.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/24/2014 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Karen. I guess I just really need people to talk to and help learning to focus. I did find a couple things on here when I was looking around.
Posted 2/24/2014 6:16 AM (GMT 0)
I guess I should also mention that I was very reluctant to go on any meds because the doctors prescribed Zoloft for my daughter when she was 19 and before we knew what hit us she was in a medically induced coma for 12 days because she overdosed on it. :( Little was known then compared to now about the dangers of adolescents taking these drugs. There still is a little guilt that I couldn't stop it or save her because they told me she was over 18. Right now she would be 32 and I feel like I was cheated out of so much.
Posted 2/24/2014 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
I guess these things happen. I don't blame you for not wanting to take meds, but remember, she took more than she was suppose to. It is sad though.

Take life one day at a time. Try to live in the moment of things. I am sure things will get better for you.

Keep posting as it does help.

Have a good day...

Hugs, Karen....
Posted 2/24/2014 3:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Holly. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. What a tremendous loss.

Connecting with others has been key in my feeling incrementally better over the last several weeks and I am working on being mindful and present as well. I am trying to work on not worrying so much as I tend to get myself so worked up and fearful about the possibility of something going wrong in the future that I can't eat and I am coming to believe (after testing seems to show that there is nothing actually "wrong" with me) this high level of anxiety and the subsequent depression has caused a lot of other physical symptoms as well.

When I feel myself getting "worked up", I have started taking walks and trying to "get out of myself" and my over active mind. I try to notice everything around me and tell myself not to let worry over the past and the future rob me of the present. It helps.

Good luck on your journey and keep posting. It has really helped me to feel connected.
Posted 2/24/2014 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
Kate you are truly being mindful when you take your walks. Keep it up.

Hugs to both of you...

Karen...
Posted 2/24/2014 6:27 PM (GMT 0)
I did make an appointment to start seeing a therapist again. It has been quite a while and I am thinking that will help. I go March 4th. I am trying to get into a better mindset. I do not want this to take control of my life any further. Time to get my stuff together. Thanks for the encouragement.

Hugs,
Holly
Posted 2/24/2014 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
I guess I have always put on that mask for so long that says I am strong and everything is ok. I guess it just got too be too much and the depression and worrying, etc. got the best of me this time and kept me going downhill till I actually got physically sick from the mental sickness. I am trying to be optimistic and get out of this. I cannot keep letting this stop me from living.
Posted 2/24/2014 9:08 PM (GMT 0)
I have gotten physically sick from stress before. It is no fun... But getting yourself free of it helps a lot. Keep being optimistic. It is a good thing for you to do.

We all have bumps in the road. Eventually they don't slow us down as much.

Have a good day Holly!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/24/2014 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
Holly

welcome to the forum. Good job in making an appointment for a therapist! Walking is a great way to reduce stress, clear the mind and recharge.

we all need to put more positive thoughts and information in our days. Keep up the good work.

Peace
Trina
Posted 2/24/2014 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Holly,
I think seeing a therapist will be really helpful. Someone to talk to, bounce things off of. Also, like Kate mentioned walking. There is something about being outside and moving that clears the mind. Maybe it is something different for you, but when you find those few things that help, remember them and then just go do it. It sounds like you are worrying a lot, about your husband, your future, and this is effecting your health. Take one day at a time, think on those things that bring joy.Here is a great verse: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 If you would like to speak with a licensed counselor please call 1-800-A-Family. Hugs to you Holly!
Posted 2/25/2014 1:31 AM (GMT 0)
Holly, I am glad you are being proactive and seeing a therapist. Your positive attitude about not wanting to let this take any further control of your life sounds like it will serve you well. I hope there are more good moments than bad as you make your journey.

--kate
Posted 2/25/2014 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks again for all the encouragement. Kate the thought of walking right now makes me cringe as here in Michigan is once again bitter cold and I hate winter. I did work 4 hrs tonight and made it thru without anything other than a little cramping in my stomach. Just have to keep pushing and take little steps toward healing the mess I've put my body in I guess.
Hugs to all!
Posted 2/25/2014 10:03 AM (GMT 0)
Holly, I am in Michigan too. I can't get out to walk either. I do a little walking in place and dancing to keep moving. I am not good at an exercise routine so I just go for it. I hope you can do that too.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/25/2014 10:02 PM (GMT 0)
Bitter cold is the worst! I have been known to pace every aisle of target to avoid the chill :) I hope you are doing well today!
Posted 2/26/2014 4:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kate. I am doing ok except the stomach. Still having a hard time waking up nauseated and trying to eat. I have to work the next three days from 2:30 til 11 pm so my body needs to try and cooperate with me. :( hugs to all
Posted 2/27/2014 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
Made it thru an 8 hr night at work. Wasn't easy but I managed. Now if I can just stop waking up nauseated and slowly I am being able to eat. Still afraid of getting sick so limiting the foods I choose. Started back on my 1 mg of abilify after being off it for a few months and hopefully it works again. Last night was the first time and I didn't sleep well so today took it earlier in the evening and my Celexa at the usual time. If I take them early in the day they make me too tired so went to night time. Any wy, I know that what my body has gone thru this time is gonna take time to heal, but I am not a very patient person. Hug to all and to all a good night.
Posted 2/27/2014 12:46 PM (GMT 0)
I take abilify too. It helps a lot...

Hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
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