Suffering my Losses

Hello to all of you, I am new to the depression area, normally I stick to the chronic pain area. I am suffering from 10 years of chronic back pain, and as of late I have been through quite pile of un-needed spiritual testing. I've had depression since 1998, I wasn't really depressed before that. I had been sad here and there before. My depression was more anxiety in the past few years, and it's back to depression, only getting worse now. I don't really know what to do anymore. But I'll go over some of what's going on in my life, and I hope to hear from a few friendly faces around here.

 Ok, in feb 2003, I lost a child, and in dec 2003 I lost another child(due to miscarriage). I have been struggling financially, and prettymuch in every way, creating with my fiance and I, then finally my fiance(to be married this month) left me because I am too depressing to be around. And now I'm more depressed than ever. I am having a hard time with depression, and with my temper now. I don't really know how to handle anything anymore. I am extremely co-depentent on her, and I don't know what's going on anymore with me. Since 2001 I have suffered from insomnia, and have on a number of sleep aids and I finally have that figured out as to what to use for that.

*For my back pain, I am on Fentanyl(50mcg), and Vicodin(20/650mg) for breakthrough pain.

*For my depression/anxiety I am on Wellbutrin XL 300mg daily, and Xanax 2.5mg as needed.

*Soma 2600mg for insomnia, and reduced muscle pain when I wake up.

  I believe I have covered most of what I wanted to cover prior to typing all this, so if anybody has any questions, please ask. If anybody has any advice on coping with the loss of loved ones, please help me.

It's ok, not like you had anything to do with all of this. It's so nice to know that I have a 2nd family, untangible online, but we are all there for one another.

 My dear,

You are not alone. What you have described is some of the symptoms that some or most of us have. Depression brings some really nasty friends with it. Not our friends, depression friends. Don't ever let anyone tell you depression isn't a real illness because it is. People are depressed for many different reasons. OK...you told me part of why you are depressed, right? I am so sorry about your relationship. That must be tough on you and I empathize. I am depressed because I am sick and there is no cure, I am 1,200 miles from my entire family including my 5 grandkids and my daughters and my 84 yr old mom. I am depressed because I am home day after day, week after week and I live in a very isolated area in Vermont, beautiful but isolated, (actually, I like it that way) Why should I make others depressed just cause I am. I can hardly do some things for myself and my husband is very understanding. To me, that's depression. However, I should be ashamed because depression is losing a child or a loved one over seas. Depression is not having a job or money to feed a family. Depression is not have a home. Depression is having cancer and suffering day after day. Depression is children all over the world being brought into this world without say so and then they starve. No one asks to be born. We just are. Depression is an elderly person all alone in a nursing home with no family. Depression is a young child with cancer and no hair. I can go on and on. So, what I am trying to say is that there are many reasons to be depresed. I guess it's how we learn to deal with it that counts!

 

Hugs

"Lefty"