This is all new to me

I am new to the site, as a matter of fact, I am new to all of this.  And up until early July my life was smooth sailing.  Then suddenly, my ship hit an iceberg.  I have been reading some of the other posts and feel that my personal afflictions don't even compare to hardships faced by others.  I know that I'm lucky, I know that I'm loved, I know a bright future is in front of me and yet, I feel sad.  Really sad.  Though it comes in spells, when it hits, it hits hard. 

This past April I packed up and relocated- new job and everything.  I was tired of the long distance relationship with my girlfriend so I made the move, leaving all of my family and friends behind.  I lived in a hotel the first six weeks I was down here, in mid June I moved in to her mom's house have been living with my girlfriend, her mom, her step-dad, and her brother who is home from college.  But our apartment opens up September 1 so that's something to look forward to.  All of this along with the new job, and being seperated from my friends who I have lived with, and hung out with pretty much every day for the past 8 years. 

I thought my transition was going well until early July when I had, what was ultimately diagnosed as a panic attack.  Athough I wasn't doing anything stressful, or thinking about anything in particular- it just hit me.  I couldn't breathe, I was in a cold sweat, dehydrated, light headed, and had an overwhelming feeling that I was going to burst in to tears.  That day was also the last time that I had any tobacco/nicotine or soda in my system.  But more importantly that day is when my spells began.  Sometimes I feel sad, I feel alone.  My girlfriend is busy with work and sometimes feel like I don't have anyone to back me up.  I have a seperation complex.  I get sad, overwhelmingly sad.  I get apprehensive.  I feel alone.

Someone once told me that "change is good".  I just don't know why I am having such a tough time with it.  I want my life back, and I need some perspective.  This is the first step I have taken for seeking outside advice on my situation- I look forward to your thoughts.  Thanks!     

Case in point. I am  55, a wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, aunt, sister and sister-in-law and daughter-in-law. I left my entire family, all 25 of them back in Florida after living there for 32 years. I am now living in Vermont and the reason we moved is that my husband had a very good job offer and we felt it was time to move on. We had some issues there and that was as good a time as any. I don't work because I have Lupus. I drove since I was 15 and now I don't drive because I have epilepsy and my husband takes me everywhere which is a pain for him even though he doesn't say anything. I schedule my appointments around his schedule as to ot infringe on his work. I miss seeing my grandchildren grow, even though I have been back to visit 3 times, all for 3 weeks. I have 3 grandchildren who don't really know me because they are too little. They are 8,6,4,2,1, 2 by my oldest daughter and 3 by my youngest, ages 34 and 32. I miss my mom who is 84 yrs ols and lives alone even though my 3 sisters keep a close eye on her. She gets around better than I do and she still drives. I have no means of transportation as I live in the mountains and it is beautiful here. I will have been here 4 yrs in Nov. I am used to it now even though I long for my family. It was our choice to make and we made it. It was the best thing we did. Jacksonville Florida has gone to the dogs. All the polution and noise and road rage I couldn't stand it anymore. My daughters have their own families now and so do the others. 

It is going to take time for you to adjust but you still have to ask yourself the questions that I mentioned above. I hope you will find comfort here, as I know I have.

God bless!

"Lefty"