Crisis

This morning I had a huge crisis with my daughter, I have posted about her before how she ripped me off for 300.00 a few months ago, so a couple weeks went by and she calls me crying with this long story on how she needed to get out of the place she was out for just a night.

I let her come, and she hasn't left yet, in fact I am SO stupid that I let her borrow 298.00 this week to get her water pump fixed on her car, I only let her borrow the money because she was literally freaking out, she told me she would give me 250.00 dollar yesterday, her check was only 217.00 because she has been missing work, leaving early etc.

She came home from work last night and said she was going out for a few(which I don't care at all) So this morning I am in the bathroom getting ready my friend invited me to go to the beach with her and I thought that would really be good to get out, she comes in screaming at me "YOU KNOW I HAVE TO GET READY FOR WORK I HAVE 5 minutes", I told her I didn't even know she was coming home and my friend was picking me up, she starts screaming at me throwing things all over the house, I said "I can see you drank last night, and probably did drugs" she said ******, but I have told her to never come to my house****, because she is abusive,she has already been ****** last year.

I tell her I want my cell phone and my Ipod, she totally flips telling me she will get me and I will pay for this, she **** my cell phone, pieces went every where, and****

So I feel hopeless, I am going to lose every thing, so I called the crisis hotline cause I need help, I had a person on the phone, that sounded worse off than I do, gave me no help through my hopelessness I finally said "Thank you, put I shouldn't have called here"

I have no one to talk to,my mom already said if I ever took her back she would really think I am crazy(
not in a mean way she just knows the abuse I have gone through) after doing so good for a few days I am at my breaking point, I am already living in hell, my son is going through things he shouldn't ever have to go through, and my dog is just a sad mess.

I can say I am just about over it.

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 9/6/2014 11:01:23 AM (GMT-6)

Brenda I feel so sad amd terrible after reading this happen to you ,esp you should take care of yourself 1st and then your son and dog!

Dogs are very sensitive when it comes to fight and emotional stress and quickly sense it!

your daughter has made your home into a horrible mess and now you have to pick pieces ,when she is calm down pls talk to her as she is your child(refrain from talking about money at this point as its the trigger).
she has been charged with domestic battery -which is so HUGE for her and maybe she has lot of emotional issues,pls be with her and try to be friends with her as might be going through a crisis in her life too.
i know i am sounding like a preacher -if so i am sorry ,i know you have reached your boiling point an sick and tired of this ,please calm down !!!!

we are all here for you to pour your heart here and like a non-judgemental family.Take care of your son as he might be in shock too.
take it slow and keep us posted!

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 9/6/2014 11:02:31 AM (GMT-6)

Geez! No wonder you're having a hard time! This mess would put anyone into a tailspin. I know you love your daughter, but do you love her enough to let her go? Tough love is just that, tough. I had to force my mom to let go of my abusive brother and finally he had no choice but to seek help. It's hard I know. She's your child after all, but what is the cost of this toxic relationship on you and your son? Time to get mad! Get tough and do what's best for you and your boy. Please be brave! I'll be thinking about you! Hug, Lisa

I didn't think I said any thing graphic, but I am sorry for that.

My son is 15 years old, but he has autism and very functioning, she said the cops will never believe my son over her, and my son some times gets intimidated in situations where he has to talk to strangers.

I did reach out to my mother who even asked if maybe she needed to call DCF to take him, I said maybe she should I just am beyond help I believe at this point.

I did reach out to my mother I let her know some of the feelings I am having that we can't discuss, she did say maybe he would be better off without me, and I am beginning to wonder if he would be in a much better place, he deserves a home that is drama free, so needless to say I am not looking forward to 5:00 pm when she gets off of work, and probably would never call a crisis line again, the girl literally sounded sedated and would say nothing, so it was as if I was talking to myself, which I can do just fine.

Oh well we can only do so much, and when you finally feel like you are doing good, something happens.

Just to clarify when my mom said my son may be better without me, she meant being in this home with the things that are going on, not anything else.

Post Edited (brendaboo) : 9/6/2014 1:11:49 PM (GMT-6)

Brenda, it's been a while ago, but I had mentioned tough love, too, when you had the last round with your daughter. Didn't she bring her dog over, too?

Anyway, great idea to have a fun day at the beach with your friend, but my gosh, where's your son--and your pooch? The other two who have been traumatized, your responsibilities? As much as it's wonderful to have fun, you're the leader and have/need to act as such.

We support you and want it all to come together.

Jan

Well Jan being you seem to want to come across quite rude in my opinion, and I can take constructive criticism, I had made plans on going to the beach last night, and was getting ready this morning when she came home, she is 27 years old and if she tells me she is going some where, and it was allegedly at co-workers home,I don't care if she hangs out with her friends she is 27. but she will not use alcohol or drugs in my home, so if by me saying I don't care if she hangs out with a friend is sending mixed messages, and she knows my stance, but still comes home with apparently a hangover, who in the world am I sending her mixed messages?

The dog was given to me, the last time she was in my home she threatened if I made her leave she would take the dog.

I made plans to go to the beach last night before this happened, I was getting ready when she came up and demanded to get in the bathroom while I was in there getting ready, and that is when all heck broke lose, I did not even go to the beach for your information, I would never leave my son and dog after such a situation, I wrote my friend and told her what happened and the low point I have come in my life, I have never told her how bad I have been, I didn't want her to know, but I told her some thoughts I was feeling and it felt good to tell someone that I really know how I was feeling and get it out.

Jan really your post astonishes me at its rudeness and asumptiveness, I can't control a 27 year olds behavior, but I do expect her not to come into my home under the influence of any substances, so if she wants to drink she can not come here till she is sober, I am a recovering alcoholic and thank that is very disrespectful to know your of your mothers alcohol addiction and you would try to bring alcohol in her home or come home drunk and disorderly, and I am sending a mixed message...that comment is just uncalled for!

And I am done in here, this is not helping someone at all, treating someone like that that is desperately in need of an ear to just listen to them, and then to be judged so harshly as If i was gallivanting around having a wonderful time while my son and dog was suffering is pathetic...you have lost a member here!

Brenda-

Your guard is down because of your emotions. So would mine. So would anyone else's in your situation.

Ppl who are blunt sometimes hurt my feelings, well often, but I'd rather hear truth than for someone to sugarcoat anything. (Besides if it was sugar coated, I'd probably just eat it and gain 10 lbs).

Anyway, I can see how you'd think Jan was being blunt. I felt that too BUT, I like Jan & appreciate forwardness like hers WHEN the said person is empathetic bc they've "been there done that."

I'm not trying to tell you how to feel, I promise!

It's my observation that your daughter is wreaking such havoc in your life right now that it's hard to think straight- when you're already tender!

It's GOOD to get mad. Direct it towards the situation at hand. Your daughter has to get out. Period. You were having a decent day/evening and made plans- that's a big deal, and she ruined it. You cannot take care of anyone else but yourself and your son. You can't deal with chaos like that on a good day let alone when you are at a low point & your daughter is out of control herself.

Enough is enough. What has been going on is no longer working. You can make the changes that need be, even in your delicate state. Did you say you'd called the police? If not, if it happens again, you need too. I know it hurts but she's disrespecting & hurting you, not to mention being a bad influence on your son. And you! You can't do it. I give you permission to tell her she cannot stay there.

You ARE healing despite this rocky step back. And by all means, tell your friend. You've no idea how helpful a friend could be if you give them the chance. So talk to her.

And if you call a crisis center again and get a slug on the phone, hang up and call back to get another person. Or call a different hotline. Or call the psych hosp and ask to speak to an on call therapist! Look those numbers up now and keep the list handy.

If you're too drained too, tell me your county and I'll do it for you!

Don't you dare stop coming here. You've already made friends with many of us and we love you. Unconditionally

Brenda please stay in touch. We ALL love & care about you!!!

Hugs,

Lisa

Another POV is always helpful in order to understand and change the reaction we have had to the action that has upset us.

You can only control yourself, not anyone else. But it is always good to see things from a different light.

Bluntness can hurt, true. But it is necessary sometimes to shock a person out of victim-mode or to make them think.

The board can function as a loving support, but it also should serve as tough love. Both are types of support.

Brenda,

I hope you are working on getting your daughter a place to live besides with you. Or maybe she can go to counseling with you and you can work things out. She is not very kind to you. I know she is young, but she does need to grow up. You don't deserve to be treated badly as you are.

I hope you can get past the comment. Maybe it was not a good choice of words. I don't think she meant to hurt you here. Maybe she misunderstood what was going on. Try to forgive and move on to what is important and that is the situation with your daughter. It breaks my heart to see her cause you so much pain.

If you could do counseling together and have an impartial person to moderate it, I think that would be good. Either that or send her back to her dad maybe...

I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen...

Though we have no control over how other people act or what they perceive, we do have control over how we feel and how we react. I am a people pleaser too and in being so, I do get hurt. But I try not to dwell on it for long. Sometimes that is all we can think about. But the sooner we distract ourselves from it the better.

In your daughter's case it is going to be hard because she is your flesh and blood. But know even if you have to dismiss her for awhile, this is good for her in the long run. She has to learn that people aren't going to put up with her crap. In the long run this is better because she is going to try this with somebody who isn't as understanding as you are. She can't go through life walking all over people and throwing tantrums. It isn't accepted behavior in society. She could even pull some stunts that will end her up in jail. So you are actually doing her a favor, though she isn't going to see it that way for awhile. But that isn't your problem, it is hers.

One day at a time is all I can offer. Each good day, make the most of. Continue to take care of your blessed son, your special puppy. They love you unconditionally. They truly are a blessing. Mine is laying on my feet right now under the desk. I am her pillow. My dog that is... lol...

Have a good day. It is raining here. Yuck...

Hugs, Karen....

I am glad you are giving her a time to get out. Then set boundaries. It is so hard, but you are doing this as much for her as you are you. She really has to learn, too bad it is always the hard way... Sounds like she has a lot of issues. But they aren't your issues... Take care of you...

Hugs, Karen...

Lisa, thank you for your post, no matter what you are going through you always have a wonderful attitude, and I am sorry you are feeling a little lonely, I'm sure knowing your friend is in the situation she is in is making you feel restless, how very kind of her to think of you during her troubles.

My doctor upped my brintellix yesterday when I went to see him, he was very shocked that I even came to see him with how bad I have been doing, so that has to show that I really want to get better, I really really do. Today the medicine seems to be kicking my booty though, my symptoms from the increase seem to be a little worse than I expected, it feels almost like when I was withdrawing from xanax, my moods are up and down, I would like to think that it is my brain or neuroreceptors trying to get me better.

Actually it was beautiful here today, although hot you can see the difference in the color outside, as if fall is right around the corner for us(here we don't usually get cold weather till December if we are lucky, occasionally a fluke of nature will occur and it will be cool on Halloween but rarely) So as normal me and Bailey were outside on and off throughout the day.

I hope every thing goes well with your neighbor, and I hope you get your phone soon , I love Iphones just out of my price range out the moment. Take care