Breathe in, then out

Myself,

Can you go to another pharmacy? At least this time.

Hugs, Karen...

Yes, breathe...

Success? (drum roll...)

Please tell me you took some water with you to the pharmacy, but I think you would've simply tossed it into the back of your throat. Or swigged some mouthwash. If. Need. Be. ;)

Sorry for the unnecessary wait!

Jan

Yah. I stopped first and started a load of clothes at the laundramat. Got my meds--they had my tramadol ready as well--and took one immediately with a sip from the water fountain.

But I can dry-swallow. I used to be able to take all my pills in one mouthful and swallow with water. A neat party trick.

Still tingly, of course. Hopefully my hydrocodone later will take the edge off.

And then tomorrow as good as new.

hoping you are feeling better. many healing thoughts i send.

Even though I am now back on track with my wellbutrin, I have to honestly say I am still quite anxious. Yesterday seems to have opened the floodgates. The source of my anxiety is, as always in recent months, totally fiscal. To a slightly lesser degree, it also is about finding a 'real' job.

I am trying to stay in the 'now', but am having a hard time. The now includes owing money to various people and feeling guilty about that, working a part-time job, and having to take unemployment, which also is a source of guilt and raises my anxiety.

At least I am not doing the ole 'head in the sand' thing, where I pretend no one can see me, because I cannot see them. That's a small benefit.

I cancelled my membership to my gym, but they insist on being paid regardless for this month. The joke's on them, that account was closed.

The afore-mentioned closed account.

A CareCredit account is past due.

Most worrying, my insurance payments are past due.

I am still waiting for the outcome of the inquiry by unemployment.

And, the unemployment thing itself is frustrating. I submit fully 5-6 applications a week, but get few interviews. All I can do is keep at it, until something clicks. I have tried my therapist's advice and imaged the phone ringing with offers, and ringing and ringing. It helps, somewhat.

I do feel as if I am at the end of my patience. But still, I persevere.

Thanks for 'listening.'

When you try to stay in the moment. You try not to think about the money you owe to different things, or how you are going to pay it. Let your mind rest for just a moment and don't think about these things. I know they are ever present. But the key to mindfulness is to only think about what surrounds you for example, here I sit, at my computer, listening to music, my dog beside me. That is all I will think about. Just a minute of the relaxation will give you hours of relief. You know you have things going on. They will always be there, but to just relax and not think for a bit does wonders. Revitalizes you.

We read a book on mindfulness when we did the book club. It was called "How To Train a Wild Elephant'. It talked about how your feet feel on the ground. I can honestly say that grounds me. I like the feeling of my feet touching the ground. I think about my toes, my heals, and even the arch that does not touch. But it is cool. Surprising how something so strange can make me feel good. Get a book on mindfulness. It may help you through this difficult time. If nothing else, it will give you back to you...

Read Desiderata... It is awesome... It is like a poem...

Hugs, Karen...

I applied for an interesting job in DC as a Historian/Education specialist in a museum. That job just closed to apps a few days ago, so it is possible I could hear from them. My artistic background is performing arts, academic background is history, and with that narrow of a specialization, a lot of more general positions are going to be less interested in my particular skills.

It is possible that a public school could need someone at any moment. I am not going to count on that, though.

One of the most centering things I do is a combination of breath awareness and movement awareness around the spine. It's hard to explain.

It's so hard to be in this position. I have to remind myself that I chose to leave my job, that starting over, hard as it is, is actually more healthy for me than was staying. BTW, more assault and weapons charges at my old place of business. It is not going in the right direction, which is one of the reasons I left.

I can only do what I can do. I can do no more than that. Through the darkness lies the dawn, the storm will end eventually and cede to clear skies, and all that jazz.

Thanks, chawl.

Sending you hugs Myself.

I like that quote Jan. my neighbor unexpectedly sent me flowers this morning for being a friend to her (she's 68, divirced, retired RN, many serious health issues. Had surgery today). She's been "counseling" me the past many months during my struggles all the while she had her own serious medical issues. I've been making her homemade soups bc she has to eat soft foods due to a terrible hernia in/near her esophagus.

Anyway, myself, I'm sending you a virtual bouquet of flowers for perserverance.

Hugs to all!
Lisa