Complicated "Breakup" Depression

If you aren't in love with your wife (I think you said this) and aren't having emotional feelings towards her, don't you feel it only fair to come clean and let her have a chance at finding somebody who does lover her? I know you are wanting to learn how to cope with not seeing the OW, but I feel bad for your wife living with a man that is basically being untrue to her. This really isn't fair to your wife. And maybe it would help you too. Maybe not having the pressure of a spouse would help you to sort your feelings.

Just a thought...

Hugs, Karen...

ItsAllGood,

Thanks for your comments. I don't know how much more I can open up about this. One thing is certain, my wife can NEVER know of my infidelity. Just knowing of my intent was taken as a severe betrayal. If she learned that I had followed-through and furthermore that I had actually fallen in-love, well, she would consider that the ultimate betrayal. I realize this may sound insincere, but I did not do any of these things to hurt anyone, especially my wife. I made the mistake of seeking sex outside my marriage and falling in love with this person was definitely not on the agenda. What I am dealing with now is trying to break with OW, emotionally, something my heart is rebelling against in the extreme, and trying to find love with my wife.

I know I can remain in my marriage and "make things work." My wife and I are a good team in terms of dealing with life's routine. Maybe, if/when my emotions for OW wane, I will rediscover feelings for my wife. That does not seem like it will happen at this point. I am so sad and depressed over OW that I can't focus on anything else. To her credit, OW is doing a good job of leaving me alone. Nevertheless, when my thoughts turn to her in any way, I fall apart.

Thanks again for your comments.