why do the ones you love hurt you the most??

I love this person a whole lot. But he just seems so careless with his words, almost like he purposely says stuff just to hurt me, just to mess with my mental state.

Twice already (three times now) he told me: "Why do you want to be sad all the time for" he has said this during heated discussions so I just blew it off like he didn't mean it, I just thought he said it out of frustration or anger. It really bothered me the first time it was said, then the second time.... I don't Want to be sad, I don't choose to be sad all the time, I don't wake up and tell myself 'oh I'm going to sad all day today.' That's what sucks about being in a depressed state...your mind plays too many tricks on you, something I feel most "normal" people can't seem to understand.

I try to tell him before how much this question/statement really seem to get to me and hurt my feelings. I told him it boggled my mind so much that it would just pop in my head at random moments throughout the day "why do I want to be sad for.?" we had a long meaning discussion, (well at the time I thought it was meaningful) he apologizes and I forgave him.

But this time it was different, we weren't in a heated discussion, he was actually trying to comfort me..then 5 seconds later I get told that question/statement👉 "why do you want to be sad for?" the way he said it, his tone of voice, like... Like he purposely said that because he knows that it bothers my mental state terribly. I just lashed out this time... Said thing like: "why would you say that to me?!" " You said it to me Again! I told u I Don't choose to be sad" "why would you want to hurt me with your words?!" it was just horrible. And it ended horrible.

I don't understand why people, family... Knowing your mental state with depression and bad anxiety levels would say things purposely just to harm you mentally. Why??😓.....
Why do the ones you love hurt you the most???!?😡☹😓😢😢

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 10/17/2014 10:57:16 AM (GMT-6)

I don't think we want to be sad... I don't... But people who aren't depressed think you can turn your emotions on and off. Maybe they can, but it is harder for us.

Do get some books on depression. It really helps us to understand it. And we can learn how to explain it to the ones we love.

I did learn through a book on CBT that we can choose to be happy. But it takes practice. There is a book about it called "feeling good" or "the new mood therapy". It is written by Dr. David Burns. It is an older book but it is a good book. It taught me a lot.

Try not to let his words hurt you. He could of just been asking a question of you. I am sure he wonders why you don't wake up in a good mood, and why you are sad. It is really hard for "normal" people to understand...

Hang in there...

Hugs, Karen...

It is only actually one book, but you can find it under both titles. There are so many good self help books out there.

My late husband use to say things to make me feel bad. I found out it was his own insecurity. I hope things get better soon for both of you...

Hugs, Karen...