SORRY...seriously, for those of us with deeply entrenched family issues on this day "meant" for gathering round the table in gratitude and celebration...CHEL...I think you're only a couple states away. Meet me in NOLA and we'll burn it down, gurl...It'll take me and DH about 5 hours to get there...What a hoot it would be!! Let's do it! Beignets and bourbon...YUM. BTW, your dad's wrong. Tell him to ZIP IT, otherwise he may "burn" today=) Just kidding, everyone...sometimes.
I can only recommend that you balance your tears with laughter, even if only at yourself. I keep saying that I should not have spent my life "hiding" my family history, as I rose above it all. I had so many skeletons...still do. I no longer hide them. I taught those bee-otches to DANCE...I could have made bajillions taking this act on the road. I remember when I first saw Roseanne's stand-up many years ago. I thought, "I could do that...even write my own material". Then, Larry the Cable Guy along with the Redneck Comedy Tour. Those folks have NOTHING on me or my family. YES, I laugh to keep from crying. If I can, y'all can.
This is gross, but funny at the same time. We were never able to have children, so my nieces and nephews were "my precious". They're now grown, graduated with honors and married (some with their own children). Yes, I'm older than dirt. Anyway, my sister was always keen on self gratification while her kids fended for themselves. She'd swing by my mom's or my house and leave her girls for DAYS. (not the funny part) One year SANTA brought them hamsters, (Yep). The girls, with hamsters in tow were dropped off Christmas Day with all of us at my parents' house. We put the cage in the laundry room on the freezer and closed the pocket door. Okay...finally here's the funny part. My little nephew (3) went missing. We found him standing quietly in the laundry room. I asked, Marty...What are you doing, Baby? He quickly responded, with finger deep in nostril..."I'm eatin' boogers and watchin' dose wats!" I know, GROSS...but funny. He's now 28 and DOES NOT find humor in that story.
My husband and I slept in today. Sure, I'd LOVE for my siblings and their families to be here for Thanksgiving today. But I have to accept that they don't want me or need me in their lives. Sure, when I initiate and invite, they come. With the exception of 2 or 3 jerks, we have a great time together. But then they go back across town and we don't even contact one another for MONTHS at a time. My sisters should be my besties, but they're not. It's like Trina said...they lie, avoid, and deny. They are SELF-absorbed and just plain SELF-ish. They're literally scared to death that they're going to have to help me with my mom, maybe spend a dime. Sorry...I need to "shut it" cause I'm feeding the Black Dog and he's already raging inside me.
Last year I asked my siblings to help me buy my mom a new flat screen for her room. I'd already gotten her (2)
26" TVs since she went in. It was almost Christmas, and my mom had lost her sight (blind) in left eye last year. I had bought her new glasses OOP because no one would help me. My mom is EVIL to her core, but I somehow still want her to have what she needs...I always will. Anyway, my siblings wouldn't even respond to my request. We had our usual ya-ya back and forth. I LOST IT and basically unleashed YEARS of frustration of how they are cheap and selfish users who give NOTHING back except their unsolicited opinions. My husband and I bought mom a large TV that she can see from anywhere. He wall mounted it, so hopefully she can't tear it off the wall. That leads me to this...
Griswold Christmas...If all else fails...Fark it! Watch a funny movie or 2 where you can relate to the family dysfunction. I highly recommend Christmas Vacation. I guess that was my first clue...duh...that "best laid plans" get screwed by arseholes. I felt a kinship with Clark. Another family favorite that SO MIMICS my family that we laugh our sick arses of is Eulogy. Nothing to do with Christmas, but SO familiar. You may have to watch and listen closely to get the true perversion of those thought processes. There's a third called Saving Christmas, I think. I totally feel like Grandma in the opening scene...My life story!
It's gonna be okay, cyber sisses and brothas...If not, in 10 hours this phase will be over...We can help each other through it!
Let's have a virtual moment together...Breathe deeply...You're at my house. We're in PJs w/pigtails (optional) and barefoot. Sirius is banging Christmas tunes to drown the thoughts of despair. We all have our beverage of choice, whether iced tea, coke, or other libations...maybe apple pie moonshine...oh yea. Are you there yet. We're hanging out around the kitchen island, nibbling on stuffed mushrooms, baked brie, and spicy bruschetta. We're waiting for the main meal of cornbread dressing, creamy white gravy w/boiled eggs and bits of turkey, roasted spatch cock turkey (sounds lewd, doesn't it?, (left leg/thigh already missing), sweet Leseur peas, cranberry chutney w/dried cherries, apricots, apples, walnuts layered in a trifle w/cream cheese, sour cream and sugar...orgasmic no doubt...Oh and just at Trina's request 
creamed potatoes w/whole kernel corn!?!?
When dinner's ready, we'll gather around our big ole barn wood table family style. We'll eat, drink and be totally merry with the knowledge that we understand and accept each other...warts and all. We'll have dessert (Kentucky Bourbon Pecan Pie w/chocolate chunks) or whatever floats your boat. The refrigerator is full, as is the pantry. There's a roaring fire in the fireplace. My heart is full of longing for what never was. I'm trying to accept that. Y'all can help me, so come on down, over or across...if only in spirit. We'll sprawl out all around the fire, take a nap...start over again.
Jamie...You can wear your beanie (night cap). I loved that visual. I am thankful for y'all. I truly wish we could spend time together. I "picture" each one of you...It would be a blast to meet you.
The oven timer is beeping...Time to eat...totally in nightshirts and jammers, barefoot, no make-up...Good Times! Why didn't I figure this out sooner?
(((HUGS))))