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Co worker driving me up the wall

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Posted 2/7/2015 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
Work relationships are really challenging sometimes. In my work environment we have to work as a team. But there is one who wants absolute control. And if she does not get her way > the rest of the day everyone has a bad day. We all walk on egg shells around her if she doesn't get her way. I'm the one who is supposed to be in charge. At least if something goes amiss it's my keister in the sling. I try to keep peace. But I'm not a kindergarten teacher! How do I lead my " team" and keep the peace. Someone's not going to get their way today. I don't want to tattle to the " big" boss because in reality it all petty. Am I bring petty too? I am just running out of patience. cry
Posted 2/7/2015 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
No you are not being petty. But you may need to take charge of the situation. That is something I am not really good at, but I am sure that there are others here with advice for you. Maybe you could take her off to the side and tell her how it is??? If there is a reason you are suppose to be in charge, tell her it. You have to do what your boss expects you to. Or have a talk with your boss.

I wish you the best. I know it is a hard situation when somebody is selfish and a control freak... Ha!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/7/2015 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Nor being petti at all. She needs to understand she can't always have her way. Team effort. Hope you have a calm day
Posted 2/7/2015 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
I know calm is good. I have learned to walk away. What I haven't learned yet is to walk away and move on. Not that any of anything is personal that's the funny thing. We work for the only national company of it's kind, I answer to one boss as ( an second in command but weekends it all me) she answers to another. And this ladder only had a couple rungs up then it's corp in Washington, D.C. . And as anywhere you Don't Want DC's attention. I think my main frustration is that everyone is accommodating her controlling behavior because it really just who she is( remember the little red hen fable , that's her!) but when she doesn't get her way it's like I'm dealing with my two year old granddaughter. And she has mastered the guilt trip too! But this situation if left to turn into a hurricane ( of attitudes ) could get Corp attention then we could loose a program that benefits us and our local community. All just because someone ( may have to be me ) puts their foot down and says " grow up".
Posted 2/7/2015 8:12 PM (GMT 0)
Part of being a leader is dealing with subs with attitude. If you go running to your boss you will not look very effective and they may reconsider team leader position and rightly so.
IF you are her direct supervisor then I would suggest calling a meeting of all members of your team. You can then clearly defining the task at hand and your expectations on who does what.... in front of everyone. Then give her a chunk, a bit and let her know that she will need to report to you. This way she isn't jumping into the pile and pissing everyone off. if she tries to give opinion on the other tasks let her know firmly that this isn't her area and redirect her back to task.
If/when the attitude begins pull her aside and let her know that her current pouting is not professional and is not appreciated. Ask her to take a break until she can get her big girl panties on again....not in those words of course.
By giving her a bit to control she may not be as terrible to handle. Plus you can fairly document her attitude and then bring that to HR/boss as poor professionalism and here is what efforts I have made to mitigate them. That way you look like a professional and not just running to tell Mommy.
I have had this a dozen times and no, its not fun. I am so glad not having to endure such juvenile behavior anymore. I hope this works out for you.
Good luck.
Posted 2/7/2015 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
I can only add to Daesin's excellent advice. You could try talking to her separately first, and give her a specific task that is all hers. Instead of making the conversation about her attitude, it becomes about her ownership. Perhaps intimate that this is a working group-wide thing, and that everyone has a piece of the puzzle for which they are be responsible.

Then, if that still doesn't make her back off, it's going to have to be the group meeting, and a specific plan.

It bites, but sometimes that is what management is--making the plan to get everyone to work together.
Posted 2/7/2015 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
My job= I'm so often surrounded by nuts , I think I may be a squirrel. Thank you everyone!
Posted 2/7/2015 9:55 PM (GMT 0)
You are so funny. Thanks again for the laugh 😂 hope things get better with her attitude.
Posted 2/8/2015 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
You have received very good advice. I myself would follow it.

It should be added, do not expect a complete turn around from this person immediately. She may even run to the boss and complain. Let her. Do not run also. Let the boss come to you if they choose. Stay calm and strong in your truth!

You know how to run the project and she either joins in or not.

Allowing her to react the same way everytime is allowing her to manipulate you and the group.

Peace
Trina
Posted 2/8/2015 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
I think the biggest problem is we don't have a hierarchy like HR etc I mean we do but it's an equation that has Union on one side. ( there are good and bad in this) and miss kaniption fit has 36 years of service. No don't want to go to the boss but your caught between not saying anything to why didn't you say anything. (36 years of getting her way by hook or by tantrum) the " group" is too busy cya themselves.

Same co worker is about to testify against a very junior employee that could get him fired ok so he isn't completely innocent but I believe in warnings then discipline then termination if said behavior is repeated.
It is counter to team work if half the team doesn't trust each other and management actually wants to find ways to make union heads roll. There are so many politics ... Quite literally ...politics.
No truth in anything. Years of service = creditable.
And even if I did have information that could get someone into trouble I don't think I would volunteer ( yes volunteer ) to send someone else to the gallows. It is just how I was raised. Do unto others as you would have done to you. And give everyone the benefit of the first doubt. Character counts. Etc.

Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 2/8/2015 10:33:48 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/9/2015 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
Okay then what about a box of chocolates full of Benadryl or Nyquil?
Posted 2/9/2015 4:56 AM (GMT 0)
I know what you feel, I've been there too! Leading a team is a very tough job as you will be dealing with various personalities. You can easily influence younger and newer employees but it is the senior ones and those older than you that will make your life miserable. They're too proud to submit to someone younger and newer than them and they will not hesitate to show it.

Making other people in the team follow what she wants is her way of challenging you and testing your capability to lead. It's her way of saying that she's more capable to lead the team than you. I suggest that you talk to her one on one to know what her issues in order for you to know how to deal with her. Based on my experience, people who have attitude at work either have problems in the family (relationship, finances, etc), dissatisfied with work, or have health conditions that make them want to get attention.

It would help to Google leadership tips and how to handle a team especially the difficult ones. You can find so many out there and some of them actually worked. Look for stress management tips also for yourself.

Hope this helps.
Posted 2/9/2015 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
Like the chocolate idea that's so so something I'd say to me if I ... That thought just got tangled in the ADD but I like it devil
I think the biggest question is that I am not the biggest wig on the dance floor and they seem to just go it is just who she is. I have seen her make ( people who don't work for us nor are they customers but still at our mercy ) young girls start to cry . I mean sniffing tears the whole 9 yards why ? To show them your superior you have power and to what end ? But the people who should be doing something just let it pass as a " personality flaw" just ignore her etc. how can you ignore nails down the chalk board before you scream stop. Complacency is a bad thing and unless it effects them then they could care less what everyone is doing. It was just so frustrating because I know if I try to change status quo then I doubt I would be able to.
Apathy. Just apathy.

Post Edited (Pain$herlock) : 2/9/2015 1:47:53 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/9/2015 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
There are politics in every job, on every level. If there is a history of politics plus workplace problems, apathy sets in. In my field, I have been in a lot of functioning jobs with politics, and one job where the 'group' shut down due to poor leadership. I only lasted four years.

Change is slow, and comes through repeated and sustained efforts. Slowwwwwwwwwww.

I think more specific direction for everyone, and thus a reworking of the group dynamic.
Posted 2/10/2015 2:48 PM (GMT 0)
Still, if you don't try to change the behavior, it will continue. She will walk all over you. You are in charge of the project.

It is acceptable to talk to her in private next time she gets out of line.

Peace
Trina
Posted 2/12/2015 10:24 AM (GMT 0)
personally i would say expletive it and walk. done it before, even to my financial detriment. all the best.
Posted 2/13/2015 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
With all her behavior lately it's all anyone can talk about but as grandma always be-careful what you wish for you might just get it. Now she has the attention she needs and I think it will all be for naught she won't get her way. Karma can be a cold $&@ so I try to be in stellar standing with her. And there is the other grandma ism > give them enough rope they will hang themselves.
And she even customized her gallos ! I am done. Lol.
She wants to be the boss of things, explicative know it all. She just found that management isn't all that interested In what she wants or thinks. And I didn't have to do anything but keep the peace with the other employees until she ran out of steam. That's life lol
Thanks for everyone for your input and support. I didn't loose my temper with her because of it :-)
Posted 2/13/2015 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
Cool, so you get the box of chocolates - sans Nyquil and Benadryl of course.
Posted 2/13/2015 5:40 AM (GMT 0)
Box of cordials .. Klula anyone. Lol lol
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