Julee

Boy I knew yesterdays smooth day was to good to last. hubby and I have faught all morning so now I'm totally in one of my down moods. maybe this week wasn't such a good week to reschedule my counseling appointment. I guess things are ok now with me and hubby. The thing that probably hurt me the most that really stung, hit me in the heart was when he said that he thinks of me as a child and irresponible. needless to say we'll be talking about that when i get home tonight. we got everything else worked out but that really hurt. Its stuff like that I've been hearing off and on all my life and i'm tired of it. no wonder i'm having problems as an adult.

i'm writing again. all i want to do is write at the moment. Sure it might not amount to much in the end but i'm writing and its flowing well. i feel like my mind is open and clear again. I've decided to only do counseling once every two weeks or so for a while. I didn't want to cut it out all together but go for kind of a check point here and there just to make sure things are still going well. My counselor was ok with that. I'm not taking zoloft any more and if in the future i feel I need something I'll go to my family doctor and tell him my experience with zoloft but right now all is going smooth again. I can't wait until the weekend to work on my writings more. I'm writing a short story hopefully more of a novel. Like i said it may not amount to anything but at least my creative side is coming back around. it feels good.

just an update. I've been doing pretty good this last month or so. I even have a job interview today, keep your fingers crossed. The only thing is; I had a pretty bad anxiety attack yesterday morning. I haven't had anxiety problems in a good month or so. I haven't been taking my zoloft, but I did start a new dose of synthroid yesterday and now I'm wondering if that might be part of the problem. Its 150mg which is quite a lot. I didn't take it this morning and so far I'm feeling ok. I dout their's any link to the synthroid and anxiety but if its to much synthroid their very well could be a link. Now i'm paranoid about taking it. I don't think i'll take it again until the weekend that way if anything does happen at least I'll be at home and I'll know its the synthroid. The thing i hate about anxiety attacks is even after the attack is over the symptoms tend to hang around mine hung around all day yesterday. It was only after I got home that i started to feel better. the more relaxed I became the better I was feeling. My whole body hurt though its like i was tensed up all day. I don't know what brought on the attack but it was bad enough that i nearly went home from work. I managed to make it through the day and was so glad when i finally got home. I'll have to mention that to my counselor this next week. I'm really thinking my synthroid might be a bit to much. anyway keep your fingers crossed that things go well on this interview. I've been saying little prayers for calming nerves and a winning attitude. mainly the calming nerves. right now i feel pretty good. compared to yesterday morning.