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Torn in so many directions

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Posted 4/28/2015 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, everyone,

I know I just posted the other day but my account got deleted along with all my old posts. This is my first post with my new username. Anyway, I think I am spiraling. I got engaged a few weeks ago and had a troubling conversation with my fiancé. What happened is we started out having a normal conversation that led to him casually saying he is going to move to back to Florida in November and he expected me to go with him.

The thing is I have a year left to finish my degree but he thought I was graduating this winter. We were on two different pages about the future and I didn't even realize it. I am also considering graduate school. I am so torn. I am currently trying to concentrate on studying for finals, but now I am worrying about what the future holds with him on top of my plans. He is disappointed. I feel lost. Anyone have any suggestions?

I also have depression and debilitating anxiety in addition to medical issues. I know I should only take things one day at a time, yet I push myself to take on so much, almost like a compulsion, that I end up crashing out and feeling paralyzed. The thing is I have to do all these things now or I will fall behind.

I am in therapy and take medication and it is helpful to an extent. I would like to take a step back and find peace with my current situation, appreciate how lucky I am to be alive and how I have no imminent reason to feel this way, but I have gone so far down this path of depressive thoughts I don't know how to climb out. The anxiety is so intense. I feel hopeless. Does anyone relate to this?

Post Edited (Reysone) : 4/28/2015 12:54:10 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/28/2015 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, I do, but under very different circumstances than you but still I know all too well what depression and anxiety can do to make life issues even harder...I decided I'm going to use perspective as my main tool to deal with my depression and anxiety, I know what has caused them and I'm going to use all the tools I can to get it under control and dealt with....mindfulness, yoga and perspective to each situation that comes my way and causes un-necessary stress. I am changing the way I feel about things, and going to use those tools that are available to me in order to get me through the daily grind of life.

It's time for me to try a different approach and this seems to make the most sense to me, I hope you can find your perspective to help you deal with the challenges you are currently facing and hope that things will work out wonderfully for you.
Posted 4/28/2015 5:49 PM (GMT 0)
Can you continue at a school where he wants to move? I am sure you two can work this out. You may have a little pre wedding jitters. Have you two set a date? Don't put the education on hold, but try to compromise. Find out what is offered where you are moving and see if you can transfer. I am sure that there are options.

Keep hanging in there and continue with one day at a time. That is all we really can only do. Try to distress. I agree with all of the above, mindfulness, change of perspective, yoga, meditation and breathing.

Hugs, Karen

And best wishes and congratulations!!!
Posted 4/28/2015 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
Well you both could compromise.

What is making him move in November? Can it be delayed?

If not, can your wedding be delayed a year, then pick up graduate school in Fl or on line?

There are more options these days. Talk it out do some research it may help.

Peace
Trina
Posted 4/29/2015 11:08 AM (GMT 0)
I really don't know. We're both in transitory periods of our lives. For me, that alone is provoking extreme anxiety. We were long distance for a year before he moved up here. His job is temp til nov. We will have a talk. I wouldn't care if he was in Antartica, I would still be with him. I just want to finish what I've started. A year isn't that long. We have no date set yet.
Posted 4/29/2015 12:10 PM (GMT 0)
Do what feels right to you... Your education is so important... Your heart will lead you Rey...

Hang in there and take it one day at a time... Maybe make a list of pros and cons. That often helps.

It will work out. No distance can falter true love. Have faith.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/29/2015 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
yep no distance!!!!! absolutely no distance. keep strong. finish ya studies.
Posted 4/29/2015 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
I agree, you need to do what's right for yourself first, one thing I don't think I ever did was put myself first, always everyone else and it was as if they didn't appreciate it or even realize it maybe but I ended up resenting myself for it and you don't want that for yourself, trust me, trying to forgive yourself is a lot harder than I could have imagined. Follow what your gut tells you.

Hope it all works out for you!!
Posted 4/30/2015 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hmmm, He casually says "he's" moving back to Florida and "expects" you to move with him? Yikes!

What do YOU want? You will be with You forever! I heard this somewhere...Make the decision today that you will be happy with later!

Hope things work out for you.
Posted 5/1/2015 10:33 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all your input. I told him in no uncertain terms that I'm going to finish school here. He will either find another job or move back to Florida. I think he is leaning towards staying. In a year, I'm more than willing to consider moving anywhere with him. We haven't found the time to sit down and talk it out yet. It seems like he has mostly accepted the situation, for the time being, though. For some reason things don't work out, I could look back and find some solace in completing one of my major life goals. I love him and would grant him the same ability.
Posted 5/1/2015 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
Communication is so important in any relationship. Setting your boundries and standing by what is good for you helps to mold that relationship.

Distance does not matter if the joining of two souls is meant to be. It will happen.

Anger at the situation, can be turned into problem solving and planning.

I hope you find your way.
Peace
Trina
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