Social Isolation

I kind of understand this. I am the same way. I like to be alone a lot, and then all of a sudden I will want somebody around. Or I want to keep people at arm's length. I don't want them to get to know me too well. I think I am afraid they wont accept my faults. Not sure, or I can't accept theirs. But for some reason I will eventually back off.

I had one friend for more than a year. Then I found a reason to end things. Oh well, luckily I do like being alone. Ha...

Know that nobody is perfect. We do have to accept people for who they are. And they will accept us.

Being lonely and being alone are two different things. I am alone a lot. I kind of like it that way. But I think it is normal to crave being around other people. We are social animals. So don't get upset with yourself for either of these things.

I find reaching out here helps. I like the interaction here because people still can't get to know me all the way. So maybe they wont see the faults I have. I think that is what makes this easy for me.

Are there things that you enjoy doing that you could safely do? Things that would bring you close to other people??? Without getting too close? I hope you find some interaction that you feel safe with.

I wish you the best Brenda...

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Brenda. I too am a lone wolf. When I was young, I 'escaped' into books. A very solitary activity. Not that I didn't have friends, but, if we didn't see eye to eye, I simply went home and picked up a book!

I am now turning 55. Throughout my life, I have had 'best friends' but only one at a time and only for a year or so at a time. "Seasons". This is just my pattern. My 'bestie' when I was very young was simply a matter of proximity I think. Sue lived right across the street. We basically had nothing in common, but we got along well enough. In junior high school, it was Laura. She'd sleep over frequently and we would do a lot of roller skating together. Once in high school, she seemed to detach and hang out with other people. So, I made a new friend in Betsy. We were 'thick as theives' for about 2 years, practically inseparable. Then, she went into the Navy. Then came Beth and after Beth came Mindy and after Mindy came Kim. On and on.

Recently, I had an extra ticket to a show. I invited my 'good friend' to come along and use the ticket. Next day, she posted on Facebook, all about the show, but never once mentioned that I had given her the ticket!

Am I bitter? NO! People are people. I don't know what kind of 'programming' they had growing up, how their ideals were formed. It has nothing to do with me. I am only responsible for myself and my own actions, or inaction. If I want to have a friend, I must BE a friend. Is it draining? Yes. Sometimes, it takes me quite a while to 'recharge'.

I think you are on 'empty' and need to recharge. When you do venture out again, don't have an expectation in mind. Just find something to enjoy doing in a group setting. A book club, a knitting club, a gardening club, bowling, walking, there are plenty of options. I have a plaque in my garden that says..."It takes a long time to grow good friends."

I honestly think a lot of people look up to the people who are alone all the time. I think that they see a quality that they don't have. Some people have to be surrounded with other people. That isn't actually a bad thing. But I like knowing I can be alone and still be happy.

{{{{{brendaboo}}}}}} Hugs. I'm so happy to see you post, I was just thinking about you the other day and was going to email you but got busy and forgot, so glad to see you come back to the forums. :)


You are so not alone, I too am alone and lonely. I live with my parents, but we aren't really close and don't talk much thru out the day, I sit in my bedroom 24/7 unless I have an appt for doctors or therapy. The only time I venture out of my bedroom is to cook dinner every night. I have no real life friends, but I do have a few friends I've had for a few years that I met on facebook. We have a little group on facebook where we keep in touch. I've been hurt by too many people and find it so hard to trust, my best friend of 15 years slept with my ex husband and it was then that I pretty much ended my life with friends. I've had a couple since then, but I find reasons to not go do things and we just end up losing touch.

Please know that we are your friends and are here for you, you are not alone as you can see, there are many of us that are in the same friendless zone you are in. Keep posting, again happy to see you back.

Thank you all for your replies. Strangely enough even on Face book when people tend to try to get too close I always back down, I've had a few people stay with me even though I avoid conversation with them at times, one even wrote me and told me how much they care for me and just wanted to give me my space, I tried to explain to her that she isn't the problem I am and she still remains my friend even though I don't always talk.

I have thought to myself, what a strong person I must really be to be all alone and yet still go on, but I also think my strength can be my weakness, it has become very easy for me to just "write people off", and go on as if nothing happened, so I tend to accept rejection very easy, but yet I reject very easy.

I am not close to my Brother and Sister at all, the last few times we have seen each other is when my Dad was in the hospital, we are almost strangers. My sister has me on face book, but will not comment on any of my posts, she says she never sees them, I believe she has it to where she won't see them, and I can't see her posts(but a few). My Brother doesn't have a face book at all, he believes it causes to many problems for people, and it can.

So I have my parents, which I am truly thankful for, my Father who was diagnosed with Alzheimers some time ago is not even the same man I remember and that is a hurt that is hard to handle. He turned 75 in March, and was actually in ICU on his birthday, I stayed with him a couple of nights to help him, he gets sun-downers syndrome really bad, and he would think he was in the Army, and he couldn't understand why he couldn't leave, it became so bad that they had to put him in restraints which made it even worse, then to top it off instead of giving him a xanax for his anxiety(they were doing a scope so he couldn't take a pill)they give him ativan in his IV and he freaked out, it had the adverse affect on him, it was so bad I had to leave the room.

Thank you for listening, sometimes it just helps to know that people can relate or even understand where I am coming from.

I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. The older I get, the less interaction I have with those outside of my family. This scares me. I fear what would happen if they weren't there. I feel more and more isolated. Finding this forum has been a great help. I feel a lightening every time I post something.