New to the forum

I am new to the forum and nervous about seeking any help at all.

Last year I approached my Dr. with all that I had been feeling and when i was done he looked at me as though I had sprouted a new head. His advice was that I needed to get therapy.

Unfortunately, I live in a very small town and the nearest Psychologist that I could find is 60 miles away. Furthermore, I have insurance troubles that makes the trips to any mental health professional very expensive.

So back to the regular Dr. I went telling him all of my issues. I have been on two different types of anti depressants (Lexapro and Celexa) Neither was a good fit for me. I still had the same issues and horrible side effects to boot. Most recently my Dr. decided to take things "one step at a time" and decided to treat my sleep issues. In a nutshell, I don't. When i can manage to squeeze in a few hours, they are crammed with horrific nightmares. All of which are about someone that i love being hurt or killed.

I don't believe in self diagnosis, but I don't know what to do. My problems started with the death of my nephew. I was a witness to his passing. A few years later, my own daughter passed away. I was present for each passing. A few years after that, I helped a neighbor perform CPR on his unconscious wife. She died before the paramedics could arrive. Last year my mother in law passed after a long battle with cancer. I held back every tear so that I could be there for my husband and kids. But I feel like I am paying for it now.

Most recently, my grandmother has been diagnosed with stage 4 renal cancer and she is forgoing all treatment.

My whole life is spent bracing for the next impact to occur. I have days in which I want to curl into a ball and let the sun rise and set without me. I don't know how much more pain and loss I can endure. I know I need help, I just don't know how to get it.

Thank you for listening.

Welcome Jenna!

It is so hard to find help sometimes in out of the way places. Most of us have been there at some point. You mention no local psychologist. Is there a therapy group? A counselor? You county seat should have some information at the county Department of Health levels. Are you affiliated with a church? Some churches will have counseling services. How about a support group? You are likely not alone in your town. How about a YMCA? Community Center?

Ultimately, I have to agree with Karen. This is important, and you deserve to feel better. You might have to travel for the help you need. Many therapists do sliding scale. Did you ask you PCP for suggestions? Again in a small town, this is not going to be a new need.

There are other medications out there. How long did you try celexa or lexapro? Aren't they the same type of med? Side effects usually lessen in 10 to 14 days, as your brain adapts to the medication on board. You don't really get a good idea of the drug's benefits unless you give it a good two months. There are a lot of other AD medications. I was started on Effexor, which helped significantly for sometime, and When Wellbutrin was added, I felt much better.

My family has anxiety problems. I managed for a while, but had a bad work situation and started Effexor. Things got worse, and I made significant life changes and losses,and had to add Wellbutrin. I see a therapist once a month,and she has helped significantly. I also use mindfulness, and CBT.

I think you will be glad that you are going to make the travel to see a psychologist. It can be tiring, but you get a lot out of it.

Know we are here for you too. I am truly sorry for your loss. It isn't easy. But keep hanging in there.

Keep posting as it helps.

Hugs, Karen....

Jenna, hello and welcome. While this site doesn't take the place of therapy for me, it is a huge help!

I post in here and on the Chronic Pain forum. The two are definitely intertwined.

I think the 'parents' group would be a great place for you to start. Just walking through the door, knowing that everyone there 'gets it' without ever having to say a word of explanation or awkwardness can be so freeing!

I hope you will continue to share here with us. I have found it to be a safe place.

I wish you the best of luck in your life & your recovery. I have been struggling with depression for many years and I've been through many, many highs and lows.

Remember that you are STRONG and you are LOVED.

Hi Jenna,

Welcome to the forum.

Was wondering if you went to the support group. You are right, it would be a good place to start.

I have PTSD and major drepression plus dissociative disorder from long yrs of abuse.

However, it is hard to find abuse groups, let alone helpful ones. SO I started with a depression group. Wouldn't you know, I met people there with abuse, somewhat like mine.

So you never know where things will lead you. Starting a group is tough, at least it was for me, huge trust issues. Go when you can, leave when you have to. In time you will be able to go on a regular basis and stay the whole time.

I wish you peace and much comfort.
Trina