Moving out on my own? Help!

Why are you in a rush to leave? Is your home life ok? I ask because it is much easier to save when you live with your parents than when you move out on your own. Do you have a job prospect in the area in which you want to move? If not, that might be something else you look in to.

If circumstances allow, I say stay until you have enough saved to purchase a home. If buying doesn't appeal to you save until you have a minimum of 3 months or more saved for living expenses. Home, gas, car, bus, food, utilities etc.

I just don't want you to jump out too soon.

stillme said...
Why are you in a rush to leave? Is your home life ok? I ask because it is much easier to save when you live with your parents than when you move out on your own. Do you have a job prospect in the area in which you want to move? If not, that might be something else you look in to.

If circumstances allow, I say stay until you have enough saved to purchase a home. If buying doesn't appeal to you save until you have a minimum of 3 months or more saved for living expenses. Home, gas, car, bus, food, utilities etc.

I just don't want you to jump out too soon.

I just realized that what I wrote doesn't make my point all too clear, I apologize. I mean "take the leap" AFTER I turn 18. My parents won't let me leave until I'm 18, anyways. But I meant should I wait a few months after turning 18, or just go out and do it as soon as I can?

Okay, dude, here are my thoughts. I tend to be straight. This is what I would tell my students.

Why? Is this some dream of "it must be better" and "I'll show them," all the way to, pardon me, a glittery fantasy of young adult life? Or is there a specific reason, such as a particular school, or job, or love interest? Moving on your own is not daydream. You have to take into consideration the reality of daily life.

If it is just a preference,rather than a specific, then make yourself a list of all the things you would need to do for yourself. Living alone is a huge rite of passage, but almost everyone who does goes through a really rough awakening. It's not just making your own choices, and doing what you want. It's grocery shopping and food preparation. It's cleaning the kitchen after. It's doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom. Where is this kitchen and bathroom? How much does it cost? Electric, gas, TV, water, internet, etc.

Cities are expensive and difficult to get around. Do you have a car? How much can you spend in living expenses? This includes rent, household bills, food and clothes, insurance, car upkeep and/or transportation. Smart phone? Then add in doctor appointments, medications, the things you need if you are on long-term conditions.

Again, a detailed list of expenses per month will give you an idea of how much you need.

Here is an example, for a townhouse in a small southern Virginia city. I am an adult, and had a full-time job. I lived fairly cheaply for my peer group. Rent-750. Electric--80. TV-60. Internet--25 VOIP line-15. I do not have a mobile phone. Roughly 400 for food. Gas--100 (I was in a LDR so was driving twice a month.) Car Insurance-50 bucks a month. Medications-120 a month. Doctor's appointments, roughly 60 a month (I have multiple conditions.) So, total--1660.

Make your decision, but look at the reality not the fantasy. Choices lead to other choices, and little by little your life is constructed from these choices made. Good luck!

I really appreciate the feedback. From all of you.
The moving to Houston is partly because of the schools and partly because I just love the city. So do you guys think it's a good idea to wait the "gap year" if at all possible? I realize it's not all it's cracked up to be to be an adult, and I also realize how expensive it is because I budget my parents money. (Long story, don't ask.) so yes, I know just how expensive and physically taxing it can be. And my mother is working a full time job and supporting a household of now 4. So for a single person in a $480 apartment, I figured it wouldn't be as much to feed, clothe, and do all the other stuff for one person. But thank you for your feedback! If you have any tips for anyone moving out/out of state for the first time, I would take those into consideration, too!

I understand that you want to live on your own. I've thought about it many times, but there is actually a better strategy in gaining adult freedom.

Here's the thing: The state of the world is very dangerous right now, and living is becoming more and more expensive. A few generations ago, children would live with parents and take care of those parents in their older age. Even aunts, uncles, their children, and grandparents would live together, and support each other. I genuinely believe we need to return to that. Think of how much lighter the burden could be on each individual family member when you have not one, not two, but several adults all contributing to the resources and stability of the family . . .

If you want adult freedom and to prove to your parents that you can be a productive and successful member of society, then work on getting to a place (meaning a job with a stable income and a few useful skills), and show them that you can contribute to the family. When you can do that, you have every right to say to them, "look - I'm not a little kid anymore. I contribute to the family. I can help support us. I'd like to talk about having the freedom of an adult now."

That IS being independent. It's this lesson that really isn't given to kids anymore, and it's not their fault. It's a family structure that we need to return to.

You've done well in realizing that your dream of moving to LA isn't that feasible. That does not mean, however, that you'll never be able to. Hold on to your dreams, but plan realistically. In the meantime, talk to your family about getting some therapy for your OCD and depression. Be careful of medications - they can often make psychological problems a lot worse. I almost killed myself three years ago after not addressing my psychological issues for decades, and only after intense talking have I been able to start turning around.

I wish you luck. Take your time with figuring out your life, and you're welcome to talk to me more.