Posted 8/28/2015 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
I had posted this on another thread, but will copy and paste it here again with some additon especially for you. It might give you some peace of mind or some more direction.
Most therapist will give you an assessment session. Often for free, but that depends on the therapist and probably in which country you live.
In an assessment, which is normally an informal chat, a therapist will ask you to give some background info. They do not need to know everything about you. Mostly they will ask questions like: Where do you live, where did you grow up, do you have siblings, do you get on with them, Are your parents still alive, do you get on with them, do you have pets, do you have friends, hobbies, school, work, what would you hope to achieve with therapy, are there any specific issues you would like to discuss, etc.....So very general questions. It's just so they have a general idea about who you are.
In your case the floodgates opened and you blurted everything out that came up, was brutally honest as you say and you cried afterwards. This happens a lot by the way, so there is nothing wrong with doing that. So GOOD for you! That is great, and a therapist should have no problem with that if they are any good. The more info they have from the start the better they can assess what they have to work with. It can feel horrible because you are not used to throw all your feelings on the table of a complete stranger. It can cause some embarrassment and because all your issues came to the surface all at once it can leave you drained and horrible as it triggered all kind of emotions that were bottled up inside you. So that is all normal.
I can of course not comment on what you felt about the reaction of the therapist, only you can know how she made you feel. Sometimes we have become so used to people judging us that we expect it, especially if we are brutally honest, even though that might not be the case.
A therapist will show facial expressions while listening to you, it's unavoidable (they are not robots and it would be very unnatural if they don't react at all while listening to you), and they will respond physically to your story for example with sadness or horror on their face that you had to live through so much, judgement about how others treated you, smile when you say something funny and their eyes might well up when they deeply empathise with your pain. They should show all this, it makes them more see through for their clients. In therapy it's called being congruent, basically it means that they are being honest about what goes on within them when they hear your story.
A therapist is not there to collude with you on all your issues (one that does is not going to be as helpful as you might think), they are not there to tell you that you are always right and everyone else is wrong, they are there to guide you through the tangled woods of your emotions, and also have to be honest and fair when a client doesn't take responsibility for their own actions in a situation or doesn't see there own blind spots.
They do however have to convey things of course in such a manner without making you uncomfortable or getting your back up and bring your shutters down. To know yourself is to know others, so it's important for a therapist to help you understanding yourself better, also the things within you that might not be your best side, the side we like to keep hidden for others. Acknowledging those can actually be very healthy, so don't ever shy away from those. We all have a shadow side and there is nothing wrong with that. No one is perfect. Accepting that is often a good start, because it's accepting yourself as much as you would like others to do.
Most people are pretty anxcious when they go to a (new) therapist for the first time. It's not the most natural thing to do for most people. And often it takes a few sessions for that feeling to go.
Still, it's important to go with your gut feeling.
You can ask the therapist as many questions as you want, and I suggest you do. You are entitled to ask about their qualifications, how long they have practiced, why they chose the profession, what specialities they have, what kind of therapeutic interventions they use, etc...You can also ask some more personal questions, like if they have a partner, kids, pets etc...
Not all therapist are fond of self disclosure, but personally I feel that if you are going to pour your heart out they can at least tell you something about themselves. You don't need to know about their life, that's not why you are there, but you want to know you're not dealing with a robot if you get my drift. You want to feel good about the choice you're gonna make.
Also, some women prefer a female therapist, some men a male one, some people prefer someone of their own culture etc... You call the shots here. You pick the one that will suit you best, so don't think you have to take the first therapist that is offered to you.
Therapy is a two way stream. You have to feel good about your therapist, otherwise the therapy won't work very well. Often when you decide you want to work with that person it will take a few sessions to feel comfortable, it's only natural. So give it about 4 sessions. If you still feel uncomfortable then just tell the therapist (they should never be offended) and either you can work through that together or get referred.
Talking to a complete stranger is sometimes a bit strange.
This stranger however is trained to be non-judgemental, gives unconditional postive regard, meaning that they will accept you for who you are, warts and all, they are not allowed to discriminate, no matter your colour, sexuality, religion etc...If they do then they are in the wrong job. They are bound by confidentiality and will not pass on your info to anyone, except if they suspect you could be a danger to yourself or others. In that case they would always have to tell you first that they'll have to inform your Family Doctor. They can't go behind your back, but they will have to do it.
They are bound by the rules of ethical conduct of their profession and can be struck off the register if they do not adhere to these rules and cause harm to a client.
Therapist are there to shine a light on things where you might have some lack of awareness, some blind spots. They are trained in really listening to you. They will guide you step by step for you to find a solution for whatever your issues are.
Talking to a stranger is often much easier than to a friend, believe me. A friend or family member already has a history with you and will actually be more judgemental and also more advise giving, which often doesn't work (no matter how well meant).They are often too close to stay really objective.
You might also hold back from telling them everything, sometimes because you don't want to hurt their feelings, you are afraid to lose them or that they might think less of you, you might hold back your emotions of anger or your tears, etc....
There are many different types of therapist. There is not "a one shoe fits all therapy". Do your homework and see what a therapist has to offer you. Sometimes an eclectic/integrative therapist might be the answer.
A therapist will not (should not) be offended if you decide after an assessment that you give it a miss. They know that clients need to feel good about their therapist to get the most out of the therapy. No point working with a client who feels uncomfortable with you or doesn't want to be there. That's why forced therapy hardly ever works.
I hope this helps you or anyone else who is a bit reluctant to seek professional help. If you have any other questions feel free to ask me.
Good luck with your therapy and I hope it will work out for you. Don't hold back. Therapy will be a roller coaster at first, but don't get off at the first bend. Give yourself a chance to face your fears.
PS: A lot of therapist become therapist because they had to deal with a lot of problems themselves. They can't have lived every issue they might encounter in their clients, but it does give them the empathy needed to help others.