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Depressed Ex-boyfriend.. What to do??

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Posted 10/21/2015 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
I had a wonderful, happy relationship for nearly a year with him, then he got depressed. We broke up, then a few weeks later asked if he could be forgiven and if I would take him back, I happily said yes. We were fine, apart from him getting into sad moods occasionally, then about 3 weeks later he said that he isnt stable enough and we broke up once again. He said that we shouldn't see each other anymore (just to chat), but a few days later said that he cant speak to me anymore, because it makes him guilty, he said maybe we'd talk again. After that, he blocked me on all social media. It's ruining me, and it's made me depressed. I don't know what to do. Many have my friends have told me to give it time and wait, and he'll be his former self and come back to me, others have told me to get over him. The question is however, What am I supposed to do? I know it's impossible to know if he WILL come back, I need guidance! I love him dearly, and I can't stand to see him this way. But, I am also afraid to lose him, if I haven't already. He is taking medication and going to therapy.

Post Edited (sadbunnygirl24) : 10/27/2015 6:43:28 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/21/2015 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
Take it one day at a time. If he comes back, then he does. If he doesn't, you are still prepared to deal with it. Give him time to get better. There is no set time, so we don't know how long it will take. This is something out of your control. It is all up to him.

If you are depressed, talk to a professional. It is good to catch it in the beginning, though I feel it is most likely because of the break up and will get better.

Don't put your life on hold. Keep doing things, working, socializing. Don't isolate.

Follow your heart.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 10/21/2015 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
Sweeting, there is nothing you can do. This ride is up to him. It is always so hard to accept that, but you cannot fix him,you cannot predict what he will do and what he won't, and you especially have no control over how he behaves and if he chooses to get help.

You only have control over your actions, and to some extent your reactions. That's it. Honestly, he is being very selfish in manipulating you and messing with your emotions, drawing you into his depression. Coming back, leaving again. I know, intellectually,that the depression is causing this, but you are not his emotional blankie. You need to decide when you have had enough.

Have you told him that his actions are being unfair? That expecting you to be there when and if he comes back is manipulative?

My BF of 14 years occasionally will let his anxiety dictate his actions, and I have gotten much better at calling him on it. Before,he would get uptight and try to blame it on me. Now, it is not me--and he is not allowed to make me responsible for his emotions.
Posted 10/22/2015 8:07 AM (GMT 0)
You have to focus on yourself for now, just like he is focussing on himself. In depression it is a struggle just to look after ourselves and the burden of feeling responsible for another can feel overwhelming. Men tend to feel the weight of responsibility in a relationship to care for and protect their partner, I know this is how I felt and why my relationship was difficult for me.

So do what you need to do to get better, whether that be therapy, staying single or finding a new bf and moving on. If you don't know what you want that's fine! Take your time, take each day one at a time and figure out what you really want. If what you want is to be with him then just stay single for a while, but give him his space and let him recover. But don't wallow over him, keep living your life and being active.

Recovering from depression is never quick, it can take months and years, so bear that in mind
Posted 10/22/2015 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Sadbunny,

If this was happening to your best friend or sister/brother, what would be your advice? Now, talk a breath, don't you deserve the same amount of compassion and care?

Anyone treating me this way, I got the message, enough pain. Whatever this issue is it is HE ISSURE, you my dear person, do not have to stand in the line of fire for me arrows.

Move on, heal, do somethings just for you that you always wanted to do, overwhelmingly happy action!

Peace
Trina
Posted 10/25/2015 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel. I also had a somewhat same situation before. My ex-girlfriend was a diagnosed bipolar. We were on and off because of her mood swings. Until one day she decides to call it quits because she needed to concentrate on getting better. I pleaded her to take me back. I told her that I would do anything to make her better but she still insists that we stay apart, apparently even if she loves me I'm the primary cause of her mood swings. Even her therapist believes that it was a good idea. I was devastated at first but later on I realized that if I really love her I would wish nothing more but her recovery and well being. And if staying away from her would benefit her in any way then I would willingly sacrifice my own happiness. It is impossible to know if they'll ever comes back. Sometimes loving too much is not the answer. The other comments are right you should consider preparing yourself into moving on in case he doesn't come back.
Posted 10/25/2015 9:43 PM (GMT 0)
Jules, I don't think you are the cause of her mood swings. I think that the reason she has to be alone is that is the way we have to work on ourselves. So don't blame yourself.
Posted 10/26/2015 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
Sometimes staying apart for a while and giving other person including yourself space is best ,as its helps reflect and know what's important.
Don't feel guilty.If it's meant to be ,nobody can stop it .
If not ,you will have to accept and move on.
Good luck!
I know how you feel as my situation just as yours...
Posted 10/26/2015 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes two people are just not meant to be together. If them being together makes it worse on them and everyone around them it is time to call it quits. No reason both of you should suffer.
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