I'm new and need some advice

I'm 28 and feel like I have been suffering from some sort of depression/anxiety since I was young. I don't even know how long at this point.
I've had some things happen within the past few years that have kind of lit the fire again after doing somewhat ok for awhile.
lately though its just been awful and I don't know what to do. I went through a divorce and moved home to get my act together but it seems to have
hurt more than helped. I'm finding myself being reckless and irresponsible in attempt to make myself feel better
just for a little while. I'm not sleeping well, I've begun to cut my arms again, I can't seem to stop crying. I'm not returning phone calls,
I'm hiding from my family...my boyfriend has broken up with me and has told me I need to fix myself before I can
have any relationship. I don't have insurance and quite frankly am pretty broke, so I don't know how to get help.
I was receiving money from the state for therapy due to an incident of sexual abuse when I was younger, but thats
been cut as well. I didn't think the therapy was working anyways. I try to talk to a select few friends that I trust but nothing
seems to help. I never thought of myself a suicidal for real but the past few weeks and especially today has brought
very bad thoughts. Like I think I can actually do it now because I'm just so sick of feeling this way. I just want to feel normal.
the anxiety attacks are back and more frequent too. Its just taking a little bit these days to set me off. I just need some help.
I don't know where else to go.

Some more resources for you frined!!

National Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Websites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com
Suicide Crisis Center
Depression and Suicide
Teen Depression - Teen Suicide
These websites are all related, meaning that you can find all of them from any one of them.


Blessings!

i no excatly how you feel!!my 2 year relationship ended a while ago i was depressed throughout the relationship, i gradually pushed him away.i neva thought things would get any better,i woke every day crying,and2 weeks after we broke up i took an overdose even after i recovered i had so many suicidal thoughts!!i still do!6months on and ive met my new fella nathan who is completely understanding about my depression and im so happy,though i still have my days but im feeling better,i never thought there would be light at the end of the tunnel..there is!keep hanging in there and something or some1 will help you through this!im only 18 and youre only 28!trust me youve got your whole life ahead of you,talk2 me because when u say bout things that have happened to u,i have experienced,violent,sexual and physical abuse wb hun lv nicx x x x