Like a deer in headlights....

I haven't been here for a while. I've read some recent posts from some of you, expressing how alone you feel. I understand and I hope you find someone to turn to. I too am looking for someone to help me. My depression surfaced after I realized my complusive gambling addiction. Once all was revealed (the debts, betrayal etc.) my life is no longer the same. I've lost my husband, my friends and I'm losing my family. Everyone and everthing I loved is now lost. I'm responsible for all of the pain and suffering. My sister is going through chemo treatments for cancer this week...she's fighting for her life, while I have destroyed mine. I've been with my sister emotionally and physically to support her and help her travel with this horrible disease...I'll never let her down during her illness or when she's well again. Trouble is I have let myself down. I've been involved in regular counselling (for gamblers and depression)...I haven't gambled in a several months but my depression is severe. I am 49yrs old, have a steady secure job, but I've missed a great deal of work lately. I am in financial dire straits...to the point of no return. Counsellors have been helpful in assisting me in my emotional journey, but no one, I do mean no one, has been able to help me in my financial recovery. The burden is enormous and without concrete, realistic help, I can't walk,talk or breath without worry. I'm hanging on for my sister, I'm trying to regain my spirit and I'm praying for a miracle...or two. I try with every ounce of my being to hold my head high and search for answers...I've reached out to those I thought could guide me...my burden is too much for anyone else to bear. I know I have to do this on my own, but I'm stumped and blinded....like a deer in headlights.

justjay

justjay-have you seen a lawyer.  Perhaps there is a way you can file bancruptcy and get a fresh start. 

Don't be so down on yourself.  You havn't gambled in several months.  Thats an achievement.  Don't dwell on the damage that was done in the past, put together a plan for the future and stick to it. Practice looking ahead, never back.   Keep looking for resources and beware of scams.  Use the knowledge you have gained to pull yourself up  and  help others in your shoes, its very uplifting. 

Good luck. 

Wow! thanks to lil, annie & dia911...it's incredible how strangers can be the very people to offer support. I much appreciate your kindness. I noticed you are all going through difficult times, no one seems to be exempt from that. One thing for sure, dreams & hope are the one thing we all have left....one day, the laughter & sunshine will return....for all of us.  Again, my sincere thanks.

 

Jay  

My depression many years ago was so great and lasted so long, that at the end of it, I had exactly four friends left. (Family all lives 2,000 miles away.)

After the depression lifted and I got back on my feet, I didn't want rats who deserted this sinking ship in my life. I appreciated my friends who stood by me, and swore I'd make it up to them. It's been 30 years and I did make it up. I fulfilled their dreams--and on a secretary's salary. I gave one car, two a trip to Australia, and bailed the other out of debt. I did without of what I wanted for me to do it.

By the way, thirty years ago the divorce that drove me to that depression left me $40,000 in debt, and I paid that too. There is a brighter future than you see now, and it can be better than anything from your past.

bev

Bev, Rosie, Uc...thanks to all of you for your encouragement & advice.

Take care.....

Jay