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Posted 11/3/2005 5:57 AM (GMT 0)
I am 27 and have been depressed off and on for like 7 years.  I am not on any meds.  I am so afraid to ask for help.  I feel like such a looser.  I hate my life.  It seems like I have taken on too much and something always goes wrong.  I get through one problem and then another appears.  I have pushed away all of my friends, thinking that they may be the problem.  I am over going to the bars and the whole college partying thing.   My boyfriend is always happy and completly unsupportive. He is about to leave me. I might be the most insecure person in the world.  I hate the way I look.  I am negative.  I have no passion, no hobbys except to sleep.  I love to sleep.  I work and go to school and manage each day but cry all the way through it.  I just found out today that I have to put my cat of 15 years to sleep.  I have to make the decision tomorrow.  He is my only little pleasure in the world.  I am so sad.  I cant even see the words I am typing through all of my tears.  My boyfriends response to my sadness was to go to the bars. I dont think that he tries to be unsupportive but it must be hard to be with someone that always has something wrong with them.  I dont choose to be like this.  I really feel like it is all outside stuff that just piles on me.  Life is hard.  I kinda want to quit doing it.  I have always been popular and had lots of friends and this is the first time that I have been totally alone in the world and now I have to decide if to put my cat to sleep or not.  crazy!!  How could my boyfriend totally not care about me.  I think he is cheating on me.  ughghg, I hate my life.  Am I just feeling sorry for myself??  I feel so stupid even writing all of this.  I am such a whiner!!!

Erica

Posted 11/3/2005 1:40 PM (GMT 0)

Erica, it really seems that you are sufferring.  I'm so sorry about your cat.  Thats such a difficult thing to do. 

Don't try to conquer this alone.  Get some help.  If you have insurance, go see a psychiatrist and get on some depression meds.  If you can't afford that option, look for free counceling.  Churches sometimes have volunteer councelors who will see you for free.  Find a depression support group.  You should not be alone when you are feeling this way.  All that sleeping you are doing is a major symptom of depression.  Are you having any suicidal thoughts?  Even if you really would never consider suicide, you may be having suicidal ideations and those are another sign that you need help getting out of the depression.  You shouldn't have to live like this when there is help available.  All you have to do is ask for it.  You are not a loser.  You have lots of company.  Depression is a disease just like any other.

If you were diabetic, would you deny yourself insulin?  Surely not.  So don't deny yourself help for the depression.  You are entitled to it and deserve it. 

The boyfriend obviously doesn't have a clue.  Don't rely on him for support, it doesn't sound like he's got it in him.  Take the bull by the horns and do what you need to do. 

Good luck.

Posted 11/3/2005 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Erica I know exactly how you feel. I feel totally alone, even though in reality I'm not. I just feel like no one understands. No one cares. I'm in this place that I just can't get out of. I am on medication for anxiety - Zoloft. But I don't know if it helps with the depression. My husband doesn't understand me. He thinks people who takes meds are weak. He refuses to listen to any of my problems. Since getting married we have had so many problems too. Trying to get used to living together. All we do is fight. I never see my friends anymore. And over the summer my grandmother died. I was very close to her...she pretty much raised me. I had to push my grief to the side since she died a month before my wedding. But now it's all I think about. I just feel dead inside. So I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry about your cat. I hope you feel better and things get better for you. You should see your doctor and see about getting put on meds. Im thinking about going into therapy myself. I need someone to talk to.
Posted 11/3/2005 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, both of you ladies need to get some help asap. I'm a 46 year old mom of two teenagers. I have had bouts of depression since I was in my early twenties. Boyfriends/husbands are not always helpful, in fact, if they don't understand, it just makes things worse. You need to make yourself a priority. If you don't deal with this now, you'll find yourself married with children, all of whom are very demanding and you will feel like you're getting the life sucked out of you. Do something NOW. You are very important and need to help yourselves. Don't rely on the opinion of a person who doesn't have a clue what you're going through. I spent many years doing for others and putting myself on the back burner. It did NOT pay off. The depression will continue until you confront it in a positive manner. You are not weak. Be proactive. You will be no good to anyone if you don't help yourself first and YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. It is acheivable. But no one is going to help you unless you go out and get it for yourself.

Its worth the money, time and effort. If you don't do it now, time will pass and before you know it twenty years of your life will have gone by and been spent in misery. That doesn't have to be the case.

Good Luck
Posted 11/3/2005 5:04 PM (GMT 0)
Just letting you all know you are not alone. We are here to listen and add any support we can. It is difficult to make the decision to have to put a pet to sleep. I was facing the choice with my dog of 16 years and was fortuante the God took it out of my hands and took him peacfully. I wasn't sure I could do it. Good luck and let us kow how you are doing. I would recommend that you get some professional help. I know that it has helped me alot these past couple of years.
Posted 11/4/2005 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
 

Dear Erica

I have read your letter and am deeply saddened for you, you know that you are not alone in life there is always someone there to help. You say that your boyfriend is unsupportive  to you, if you havent told him well then he cant be supportive.

Have you any idea why you are depressed, depression can be brought on by a number of things has anyone died in your family that you were close too. I will give you a bit of advice talk to someone there is always someone to listen if you need a longer chat please contact me or leave a message for me.

Bye Bye

A friend for you

Posted 11/4/2005 4:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Erica. You are not alone. Perhaps you need to go to your dr. and talk to him about this. If you can't bring yourself to do that, please go to a trusted friend or family member and tell them how you're feeling. There is help out therea and you can be happy. Praying you feel better Erica.
Posted 11/9/2005 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Erica,

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I certainly understand it as my dog is 14 and I know it won't be long. Feeling sad about your cat is natural. I would wonder about you if you weren't sad.

Something for you to consider - the next 5 years don't have to be like the last five years. You can't change your destination over night, but you can change the direction you're going. And here's a key - direction determines destination.

I would start with something small. Small steps of progress. Think of some fairly easy goal you could go after that would bring some happiness. Not something major, not something long term.

Erica, you owe yourself some happiness. Your cat would want that for you. The people, here, who have responded to your post wish that for you. I know I do.

Ed


Posted 11/9/2005 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
erica,you are not alone as we all have gone thru some of what you are feeling at one time or another,just remember there are people out here that understand what you are going thru
J
Posted 11/9/2005 4:54 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Erica,

 

Life certainly has a way of kicking us when we are down, doesn't it?  I am so sorry you are having to make the decision about your beloved cat.  I did this not too long ago with our dog.  It was so hard for me to do this, and I could not quit crying.  I also knew that no matter how hard it was for me to make that decision, it was harder for my dog to live in pain.  He was suffering from cancer and did not deserve to live in such pain another day.  I took him to the vet and she let me stay with him.  I held him in my arms and cried, but I knew it was the only decision I could make for him.  If your poor cat is suffering, please know that if he could talk to you, he would beg you to put him out of his misery.  I know that my dog knew how much I love him and I know your cat knows how much you love him.

 

The longer you suffer from depression the harder it is to get out of it.  I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over 4 years now, and I was to the point of believing I wasn't meant to be happy.  Sleeping all the time is a definite sign of depression.  You have been suffering too long and need to get help immediately!!  You are too young to live your life in this state.  If you are not comfortable going to see a counselor, then please at least make an appointment with your primary care physician and get some medication.  I have been taking Paxil 40mg x1/daily. In addition, I take Xanax .5mg x4/daily.  These medications have really helped me so much.  I never knew that I could be happy...and I am now.  Don't get me wrong, I still get sad, but sad is a normal emotion--depression is not.

 

Coming to this forum was a great step for you to take!  I do not normally post in this forum, but I saw your post and wanted to let you know that I, too, care about you.  I hope you continue to post and receive the support from these wonderful people. 

 

These forums are really nice to come to, because you are not judged.  Nobody can see you.  They don't know who you are.  You can post your feelings and not have to worry about "bumping" into one of us on the street.  So, at the very least, please utilize this wonderful tool!  Anyone of us would be more than happy to meet you in the chatroom anytime you need to talk.  You can email me anytime by clicking on the envelope icon under my name on the left hand side of this post.

 

Please know that we all care and we all know what you are going through!  We are here for you Erika!

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

 

God bless!

Posted 11/9/2005 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
I guess you cannot tell that you are not alone. Noone here whines or complains, we share. That's what this wonderful place is all about. Getting comfort from others who really know what we are going through. We could probably hold a contest to see who feels like the biggest loser, the most worthless, the guiltiest for feeling that way. On any given day, any one of us could win.

Please get professional help. Depression is something you can't get past by yourself. It will always win.

I have had to put 2 cats and a dog to sleep. They become a part of your family. Each one broke my heart. Especially when your children blame you for it.They are grown now but it is never easy.

Please come back often and share, on good days and bad and let us know how you're doing .. .

One last thing, if your boyfriend isn't even there for you when you need help with your kitty, is he a keeper? Maybe not . . .BUT don't count on your loved ones to understand. They often try, hard, but you just can't wrap your head around it if you haven't been there. It is frustrating for them too.


Take good care . . .

Sadsunhine
Posted 11/28/2005 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hello erica,
I know exactly what your going through. I'm 29 and your situation sounds very similar to mine except I dont even have a boyfriend and I am a diabetic of 26 years. I have denied myself insulin, pills and food just to feel incontrol of something real in my life. What I am wondering is how can seeing a doctor help. Sure they give you pills but does it really make the pain go away. I put on a good front for my co-workers and family beacause they dont understand and never could, so I guess its great to be able to talk/vent to others who know exactly what your going through.
Posted 11/28/2005 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
Erica, I know what those feelings are like, I've been there myself -- particularly the feeling of being alone. Aside from echoing what the other replies have said, the one thing I'd emphasize is: get on meds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is, talk to a doctor about antidepressants. Do it as soon as you can, don't put it off.

It's easy to blame yourself for feeling bad (which just makes you feel worse), but it's not your fault you feel this way. You can feel better, but usually people can't just "snap out of it" without help. The right medication can make a world of difference, especially when times are tough.
Posted Yesterday 4:07 AM (GMT 0)

Erica,

Please never feel you are alone.  We are all here for you.  First off, I want to tell you that I went thru the exact same thing last Jan.  I had a little dog who passed away.  She passed away in my arms taking her to the vet to put her down.  She was 15 years also.  It is a very hard decision to make.  The night before, I knew it was time.  I cried and cried.  I got another little dog one week later.  Now, I am not suggesting that you go and do this unless you feel you are ready.  Mine was an unusual situation.  A good friend at work has a daughter who had a year old shih tzu (which is what I was going to get eventually) that needed to find a home for her but wanted to make sure she went to a good home.  My friend immediatly told her about me.  I have loved her since the moment I got her but I am still not over my first one but really enjoy this one.  Another thing to look into, is a Pet Support Group for lost pets.  I started going in March and I still go although now we just sit around and talk.  I do not know where you live, but you might ask your vet about it.  Believe me, it is well worth it.

Have you considered going to therapy?  It is a big help.  I would also see a pdoc about some meds.  They can make an impact on your life.  Like someone said, depression is not a weakness but an actual disease.  Alot of people do not understand that.  I do not let the people at work know.  Some of my friends are supportive.  I don't know what to do about your boyfriend.  It is very hard for others to understand us because they are not going thru it.  Maybe some time apart from your boyfriend would be good.  Sleeping is not a good thing either, although I tend to do it myself.  You need to come back here and post and vent anytime you feel like it.  We all care!

Let us know about your cat.

Chelsi

Posted Yesterday 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
I am 36 and feel the same way and the sad part id I am on meds.
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