HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Lost friend

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/10/2016 6:26 AM (GMT 0)
My best friend.. or used to be best friend doesn't have time for me. We became distant after she married and moved out of town. Now she is divorced and has her daughter most of the time so she is pretty busy. I've been trying to get together with her just for coffee or to go for a walk or something not too time consuming. However, she is constantly flaking on me and it hurts my feelings really bad.

So, I began wondering if it's because of my depression. I don't want to read into things but it just really seems like she doesn't want to see me. It's not like I mope around and act sad when I'm around her. I made plans with her two weeks ago to see her today and she flaked on me.. i just wanted to see her to give her a bday present.

I feel like I need to tell her that this is bothering me but not sure what to say or how to say it. We have been friends for about 30 years.
Posted 6/10/2016 7:46 AM (GMT 0)
straight up mate. saves all of the innuendo type stuff. and you deserve a valid reply, so straight up.
Posted 6/10/2016 8:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Turtle.. good to see you.
Posted 6/10/2016 10:11 AM (GMT 0)
yeah, I am still around!!! cheers for that.
Posted 6/12/2016 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi KCrispcat. So sorry you are suffering. I too am having simmilar troubles with my brother. He is my last line of defense when I am really depressed , but even today he has let me down. Several times this week I have e-mailed him , asking if he might have some free time to spend with me this weekend. I texted him about an hour ago in hopes that we can get together , but I suspect that he is about to " flake " on me. Love that term BTW :)

I agree completely with the happy turtle ; straight up with complete honesty is imo the best way to go. Best to know exactly where you stand then to be left wondering.

Hope you have a positive day KCrispcat , and I think you absolutely did the right thing by asking forum members for help. Although I am very new here , help is what we are here for.

Take care , and feel free to let us know how things go with your best friend ( or not if that suites you ).

Derwood.
Posted 6/12/2016 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, ask right out. Most likely her and the divorce issues.
Peace
Trina
Posted 6/13/2016 8:33 AM (GMT 0)
I'm working on an email to send her.. i do better at writing than talking.
Posted 6/14/2016 11:40 PM (GMT 0)
So I asked my friend why she was avoiding me and she responded by saying that she is angry with me and has been for a long time. However, she didn't tell me why she is angry.. I had no clue and I'm really hurt. It seems to me like we can't be friends anymore. She was my best friend and it really hurts.
Posted 6/15/2016 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry that you are hurting. It is tough when our allies let us down.

Der.
Posted 6/15/2016 3:45 AM (GMT 0)
Apparently she was angry with me because I wasn't there for her during her divorce. I don't remember not being there but she says she thinks I was drowning in my own suffering and couldn't be there for her. I always thought our friendship went both ways. I didn't realize that she felt that way. Anyway.. I told her that I was sorry that I wasn't there for her but that it was not a conscious decision and that I would never purposely not be there for her.
Posted 6/15/2016 5:44 AM (GMT 0)
Also, ask her if you could meet up somewhere private to talk about this provided that she is up to it and then maybe she won't flake out.
Let her know you stay back during her divorce because you thought she needed some time to heal and that you were unsure how to help.
And tell her your here now...
Posted 6/15/2016 10:04 AM (GMT 0)
That's sad. I know you would of been there had you known she needed you. Don't feel bad for having your own issues. We have to take care of ourselves first. I am glad you got some answers. But you did nothing wrong. Remember that.

Hang in there sweetie.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/15/2016 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
We are going to try again. I have to say I feel a little nervous though. I want to be able to be myself and I don't know if she can accept that.
Posted 6/15/2016 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
Just let things flow. Don't be anybody other than yourself. You are a good person. Try to go with that flow. I think things are going to be okay and if she is flaking on you, you will know better next time. Just don't blame yourself for anything that isn't going the way it should be. And keep things in the back of your mind so you know what to look out for. I think it will be okay...

Have an awesome day today!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/29/2016 4:08 AM (GMT 0)
I don't want to cast a dark cloud on this bad situation, but I went through the same thing. Not just with one friend, but all of my friends. One of them was the Best Man in my wedding, and I was Best Man in his. It's not that your friend doesn't want to see you. She is scared, doesn't understand what you are going through.

You know best how to go forward.
Posted 6/29/2016 11:59 AM (GMT 0)
SportyPig.. yes, she did tell me she was scared. I've decided not to talk to her about my depressive issues anymore.
Posted 7/3/2016 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like a good plan. After she gets comfortable, I bet she will ask you about what you are going through. My friends have never gotten comfortable. I don't guess they ever will. I've been going through this crap 25 years. It's ok, I'm am blessed to have a LOT of friends now.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply